Patronise F1

We're glad it's all over, sang Captain Sensible way back when looking like a cross between Citizen Smith and Dr Strangelove was considered a sure-fire way to score a hit single or two, and that certainly would have made a fitting soundtrack to the hundreds of end-of-season clip montages hurriedly edited together by the various F1 broadcasters after the final race of the season. Despite the thrill of a three-way title scrap and the joy of confirming that even with the loss of Mr Schumacher Sr, there are still plenty of other drivers able to rabidly polarise fan opinions, the season was a long, bitter, and at times oddly dull one.

Still, at least we got our wish from way back a couple of races ago. Kimi Raikkonen used a combination of a superior car for the circuit, the endless problems of others, and the fact that his team-mate actualy likes him to romp to victory at Interlagos, and thus clinch the first of his promised "many" crowns. Ferrari have put the disappointment of a couple of title-less seasons behind them to regain top spot, and McLaren end the season as most wanted to see them end it, namely title-less and humiliated. Schadenfreude levels across the F1 world reached record heights last Sunday evening as the bald team boss, the misanthropic Spaniard and the overpublicised Brit left with their collective tails between their legs, preparing for an off season of recrimination, toil and despair, as Dennis wonders "How do we solve a problem like Alonso?" and copes with the likelyhood of spiffy Mercedes B-team Prodrive not appearing on the grid next year. Ah well, chin up and all that.

Also, spare a thought for ITV, whose big "World Title Weekend" extravaganza was ruined as both the England rugby team and Hamilton failed to achieve their dreams. Still, don't spare too much of a thought for them, the money was already made from sponsorship and viewers, reducing the actual results to a mere detail. Much like the Button years in that respect, keep pumping out glossy "Jenson goes for glory!" adverts for the upcoming races and people will tune in no matter what.

There is, of course, a non-zero chance that all this could change, with McLaren having protested the stewards decision not to exclude Nico Rosberg, Robert Kubica and Ickle from the final results for having slightly tepid fuel. Nobody can really blame a team so desperate for a title the right to appeal in such a way, what with these disqualifications being enough to give Hamilton the title, but at the same time discretion would be the better part of valour here, and a dignified retreat from the courtroom would very much be the right way to go. But then, the difference between first and second in F1 is an awfully large amount.

So anyway, read on, assuming all of this is possibly wrong.

Kimi then. A worthy champion? Well he has certainly improved throughout the year. Despite his win at Melbourne to kick start the year, that kick seemed to concuss the Finn all the way until mid-season, when he scored back to back wins at Magny-Cours and Silverstone, and since then he's comfortably outscored the rest of the title contenders. So yes, we assume, he is worthy. Compare that dubious CV to Alonso's almost indulgent somnolence, Massa's up and down pace (coupled with a fair few retirements, though Kimi naturally had those too), and Hamilton's, well, Hamilton's gawking, mess-strewn, redoubtably British approach to these final two Grands Prix. Yes, none of the four frontrunners have had perfect years by a long way and, when you factor in the McLarengate nonsense which effectively ruled out the Silver Arrows as rightful winners to anyone other than the truly evil, Kimi is worth every bit of his title. Hurrah, hurrah, and hurrah again.

He started well here, easing past second-placed Hamilton from the clean side of the track and then blocking him off to allow Alonso to breeze past the Brit as well. None of that should have mattered to Hamilton, as 4th place was still easily enough for him to win, but this poor start triggered Rookie Moment #1 from Tyler, who had a half-arsed effort at re-passing Alonso into the next corner and ended up skidding off the track in a tragically pathetic looking manner. None of THAT should have mattered either, as he was soon back up to 6th place, with a full 60-odd laps to make up one more place and guarantee the title, but then we had Rookie Moment #2, as he apparently seemed to press the wrong button on his hopelessly complicated steering wheel and he dropped to last as he struggled to get the car out of neutral. None of THAT should have mattered either, if he hadn't made such a token effort to recover through the field (though admittedly it wasn't helped by a baffling switch to a three stop strategy).

So there we go, Hamilton was out of it. So what about Alonso? Well he got past Hamilton and then seemed to fall asleep. He barely held onto third place, having Kubica's dodgy three stops to thank for scraping onto the podium. A sad way for Alonso to cough up his "reigning champ" crown, but too often this year he has been lacking in the performances we've become accustomed to. He now needs to turn his attention to figuring out who he can possibly get a drive with next year in order to raise his stock back to pre-2007 levels. Lest we are forced to break out our big box of "Nandos" jokes. Mmm, chickeny.

And then there was Kimi. He followed Felipe Massa around in a tip of the hat to the Brazilian fans (and Felipe might well have wondered what might have been this year) until the final pit stops, where Kimi shockingly inherited the lead and went on to take the chequered flag with ease. And didn't he look happy afterwards? Wrrl nrr, nrrt, rrrly.

Behind the front three was none other than NICO, fighting past both BMWs late on to finish best of the rest and secure 4th place in the (official) Constructors Championship, the little genius. Although Nico received no help in that battle from new teammate Kazuki Nakajima, whose sole achievement involved running over most of his pit crew during his first pit stop, he was helped by Mark Webber's inevitable retirement and David Coulthard's inevitable doddering.

Jarno Trulli ended his season with a point, whilst Ralf hopefully ended his career in infamy, unless he can convince Force India F1 of his Delhi-an heritage. And Renault provided the crash fans with their afternoon's entertainment as Heikki Kovalainen hit a wall and Giancarlo Fisichella bent over in front of a charging Admiral Yamamoto.

Overall then, a passable end to an, at times, tasteless season. To the victor, the spoils, and for the 21 losers, a chance to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and do it again next year. For most of them, anyway. Either way, let us pray 2008 keeps the majority of it's intrigue on the track, at the very least so we don't have to waste our breath before every race explaining the current political paddock climate to its friends. Boo courts and hearings and all that!

Final Drivers Championship Standings -
1 Raikkonen 110pts, 2 Alonso, Hamilton 109pts, 4 Massa 94pts, 5 Heidfeld 61pts, 6 Kubica 39pts, 7 Kovalainen 30pts, 8 Fisichella 21pts, 9 Rosberg 20pts, 10 Coulthard 14pts, 11 Wurz 13pts, 12 Webber 10pts, 13 Trulli 8pts, 14 Button, Vettel 6pts, 16 Schumacher 5pts, 17 Sato 4pts, 18 Liuzzi 3pts, 19 Sutil 1pt.

Final Constructors Championship Standings -
1 Ferrari 204pts, 2 BMW Sauber 94pts, 3 Renault 48pts, 4 Williams 31pts, 5 Red Bull 24pts, 6 Toyota 13pts, 7 Toro Rosso 8pts, 8 Honda 6pts, 9 Super Aguri 4pts, 10 Spyker 1pt.
McLaren removed from constructors championship.