Prologue
05.30 BST - Top of the morning to you all, and welcome to our textual coverage of the next-to-penultimate Qualifying session of the season from Fuji Speedway, Japan. I've dragged myself out of bed (that's a lie, I'm still in bed) to bring you this, and I'm rather hoping my colleagues will chirp in with some comments (particularly The Foot, who finally gets a race in his own time zone!)
05.35 BST - An interesting absence this weekend is Steve Rider, who's stuck at Wembley presenting England vs Kazakhstan, so Martin Brundle is fronting their programme (an audition for a similar role at BBC next year?) Also absent on Friday was the rain, or at least it was during practice , with the sessions being headed by championship leader Lewis Hamilton, and Timo Glock, at Toyota's home circuit.
05.40 BST - The rain dampened the track ahead of morning practice , with Robert Kubica coming out on top, and glock continuing his strong form in second. After the ludicrously close Friday, where less than a second covered the first 17 cars, just 1.1 seconds covered the first 16 here, with the reigning World Champion being the last of those 16, quicker only than the Hondas and Force Indias.
05.45 BST - Second-quickest yesterday was double World Champion, and winner last time out in Singapore, Fernando Alonso. Tragically I wasn't around to savour the moment during the live terry on the race, so I'd just like to say that There was something in the air that night. The stars were bright. Fernando!
05.50 BST - Brundo looks a bit unnatural wielding that clipboard, but announces he's off to his terry box...here's hoping Blunders (in yet another awful shirt) doesn't become anchor for a few minutes. DC is talking to Louise about looking like a tit on the Monaco podium a couple of years back in a Superman cape. Superman dat hoe, DC. ITV's latest compy question asks who won last year's Japanese GP, with the choices being DC, JB and Lewis. Ooooh i wonder.
05.55 BST - Luca Colajanni blabbers on to Ted about Ferrari needing a 1-2, while Nick Fry at Honda would welcome anything that isn't a 17-18 or lower methinks. He needs a bit of a shave though. Louise tries to find out who would partner Alonso next year if he did join Honda, but Mr Fry isn't spilling. I'm quite bored and lonely, very tired and incredibly ill. Other than that, it's all good...
06.00 BST - Oh yeah, the track is dry and the sun is coming out, so it looks like we're not going to have any rain during the session, which is nice. The track is a bit damp off the racing line, which was dried up this morning. Somewhat confusingly, the cars are running Bridgestones with green grooves in them, in support of the Make Cars Green campaign. And it looks stupid. Oh well, here we go with Qualifying.
First Session
06.02 BST - First cars on track are Nelsinho Piquet, who is the only man to be outqualified at every single race by his teammate this year, and Kazuki Nakajima, who I haven't mentioned yet, but is the big Japanese hope for this weekend, having been confirmed at Williams for 2009.
The Foot - "Hello everyone, I'm hoping Vettel goes out ahead of Webber, infact I hope he's in front all weekend after last years debacle ."
And so says all of Australia. Probably. The Head still has yet to stir from his Relentless Fort.
06.05 BST - Piquet is quickest at the moment, ahead of Glock, Rosberg, Trulli, Button and Nakajima. Although Fisi has just jumped in ahead of the Japanese driver, who in turn goes into 5th ahead of Button with his second lap. Two laps seems to be the way to go as Trulli goes quickest of all on his second effort.
06.08 BST - Massa is the first contender to blink, and goes quickest ahead of Glock on a 1:18.7. The Toyotas are looking fairly strong on their home circuit, unlike last year. Hamilton pleases his army of fans by going half a second quicker than Massa, but the track is getting quicker all the time.
06.12 BST - Massa goes quicker but is still 0.3 off Hamilton's pace. Kovalainen is third and Raikkonen is fourth. The impressive Glock is fifth, and Alonso's first lap puts him into sixth. Mark Webber's first two laps are slower than his team-mate, and Ickle seems to have "new contract" syndrome down in 17th. And wow, Piquet jumps up to second, less than a tenth behind Hamilton, good job.
06.15 BST - Coulthard jumps from 17th into 4th, and Trulli is 5th. Basically, if you're in anything but a Force India, you could qualify anywhere from 1-18 today, it's that close. Glock underlines that by going quickest of all in the Toyota. Meanwhile F1's newest winner Sebastian Vettel is down in 16th and apparently struggling a bit.
06.18 BST - Let's take stock then before the final rush. Glock is quickest, ahead of Kovalainen now, with Hamilton third. Brazilians are 4th and 5th with Piquet and Massa, ahead of Coulthard, Trulli and Raikkonen. Currently going out with the Force Indias and Vettel, Rosberg and Webber. Massa now goes quickest of all. Only Piquet has chosen not to go out.
06.22 BST - Hamilton goes quickest, only to be beaten again by Glock's Toyota. Is anybody improving? Raikkonen goes fourth, and Webber has jumped to 8th. Ninth now, as Alonso makes it in. So do Vettel and Rosberg. And the natural order of things is restored, as the Hondas are eliminated in Q1, adding insult to injury with Glock at the top of the times.
The Foot - "If The Head was awake he'd be spraying Relentless all over the room."
Quite. Going out then are The Force Indias, the Hondas, and Nick Heidfeld, whose qualifying woes continue. He was less than 0.9 off quickest time, and you just can't be that slow and expect to make it through.
Second Session
06.30 BST - Off we go again. Jenson does his fortnightly interview with Louise at the start of Q2. I really feel sorry for him, he doesn't deserve such a crap car. Having said that though Boobens is beating him regularly. Interestingly the Ferraris are first out on track, together with Glock, and finally we're seeing some tyres with one white groove and three green grooves.
06.34 BST - Kimi comes through first on a decent enough time, but Massa is nearly half a second quicker. Glock slots in third, before being usurped by his teammate Trulli, before Hamilton climbs into second, and Webber goes last.
06.37 BST - Alonso is playing silly buggers, and runs towards the pits before continuing down the straight to go ninth. Vettel has split the Toyotas, and Kovalainen takes third. Coulthard is again ahead of Webber, obviously trying to prove a point to Ted Kravitz. Piquet's been sat in the pits for ages now, he's playing it very cool. Or he has car problems.
06.40 BST - It's about to get silly, as 16 very close cars aim to get into Q3. Piquet was just being a bit of a moron frankly, as he finally takes to the track. He's currently going out with no time, together with the two Williams guys and the two Red Bulls. Nelsinho and Heikki are the only two men on track at the moment, with Heikki putting in a strong lap to go second, while Piquet splits the Red Bulls in twelfth. Cocky bastard.
06.45 BST - The top 3 and Piquet are finished for the session. Let's see who can improve. Rosberg is the first man through, and stays 15th, while Trulli improves to fourth. Nakajima fails to improve and is 14th, while Coulthard improves but stays 11th. Raikkonen sneaks home in 7th. And that was all a bit meh really. Out are the Red Bull twins, the Williams brothers and Piquet.
Third Session
06.50 BST - So then, will we see any funny business from the Toyotas or Alonso in terms of running on fumes for Pole? Toyota have done it before in Japan (and USA as it happens) in 2005, and with the times so close it could work for them.
06.53 BST - First chaps on track are Glock, Kimi, Trulli and Bourdais. And now Massa and Vettel join them, as does Hamilton. And now everybody else. DC meanwhile is in bitchy mood, suggesting Webber is frustrated because he's "behind the guy who's retiring, and Vettel's looking pretty hot for next year". Ouch.
06.56 BST - Kimi goes quickest, from Glock, Bourdais and Trulli, who stuffs up and ends up over 2 seconds off the pace. Massa comes through in second, and Hamilton can't beat either Ferrari in third. Alonso comes through 5th, and Trulli does a second lap to go seventh. Kubica is now 4th, but is immediately beaten by Heikki who takes that place. One more run to go.
07.00 BST - Have Ferrari put Kimi on fumes in order to bring him into play for tomorrow? Possibly, although you have to wonder why they didn't think of that one back in June. He hasn't had a Pole since France in June, but he's looking good as he improves by a couple of tenths. Hamilton however is looking good for pole at the two-thirds point. Massa stays second for now, but Hamilton takes Pole. Glock improves into fourth, and Alonso goes third ahead of Massa! Go on my son. Kubica comes through in fifth, and Heikki pips Alonso for third. It's a bit of a disaster for Felipe to be honest, for he'll start fifth.
The Head - "I woke at the interesting bit."
Yes you did. The championship leader takes a vital Pole, with Kimi returning to form somewhat in second. Heikki and Fernando will share the second row, ahead of Massa and Kubica. After their earlier promise it's an all-Toyota fourth row, with Glock behind Trulli, and the Toro Rossos share row 5, Vettel ahead of Bourdais.
Epilogue
07.10 BST - Ron Dennis, never one to exert unnecessary enthusiasm, calls it the best qualifying lap of Hamilton's life. It's his sixth Pole of the year, one more now than Massa, who complains about a lack of grip, or balance, or something. Up in fourth though, surely the driver of the year (well, except for Kubica, who's actually the driver of the year), Fernando Alonso, yet again putting the Renault in positions that it just plain doesn't deserve. Well maybe that's a bit harsh, they've improved a lot this year.
07.15 BST - Message to BBC - don't give Brundo the presenter job (but do give him a pundit role). The ITV programme draws to a close, and I think on that note I'll go back to bed before the kiddy programmes come on. I have to say this was remarkably coherent for this time in the morning. I believe The Foot will be along with live coverage of the race from around 05.00 BST tomorrow, I hope you can join us then. Cheerio.
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