Patronise F1

Friday Practice 1 

Brief Prologue

11.50 BST - Morning. I'm here (at last). One last race weekend is upon us for 2008. And here on Friday we certainly won't see the title decided, but it'll probably be loads of fun anyway. FP1 is about to get underway.

11.55 BST - The Red Bull team are really going to town on DC this weekend, with the Scot facing his final grand prix of his long and lustrous career. They've been allowed to give him a special charity livery on his car, and as Coulthard is strapped in to his car, a number of be-kilted engineers play some bagpipe music. Ah, stereotypes.

Session

12.00 BST - Well, as is traditional on these Friday shifts, we have at least one technical problem early on. In this instance, live timing seems to be broken. I can tell you that the session is underway and Fisichella and Bourdais are off on installation laps.

12.05 BST - No laps being set here (I assume, I've still got no timing screen). Alonso has been out for a dawdle, and DC comes out to play as well. We're treated to an in-cockpit shot from a camera that appears to be mounted inside his colon.

The Foot - "The bagpipes suited DC well. He sure does blow."

12.10 BST - So in lieu of any on-track action, and aside from the championship battle, who needs a big performance this weekend? Well, the ostracism of Bourdais from the All-Singing All-Dancing Super Red Bull Society could well be complete if he makes a fairy's elbow of Brazil. Dumping him on his ear after a season that has been, if disappointing, at least one that hints to some underlying talent, may be construed as a bit harsh. But then if there's one team that can afford to be a bit harsh on it's drivers, it's the caffeinated ones, given that they have a plethora of young talent waiting in the wings like a queue of redundant city workers at the local soup kitchen.

12.13 BST - Live timing is back. I can now describe this perilous installation lap from Nick Heidfeld in crystal clarity. So here goes: He's slow, then he pits. As Bobby K comes out as well, everyone has now been out for a wander save the two Ferraris.

The Foot - "I think Kimis been out on a bit of a wander since Spain to be honest."

12.17 BST - Heidfeld is actually showing as having set a lap, albeit one taking 8:16.521 (which is sort of Piquet-level pace). I'm assuming that's a glitch. Oh, hang on, lengthy Nico Rosberg close-up. I'll be right back.

12:22 BST - I suppose now is as good a time as any to apologise for the technical issues that befell the end of my terry on the Chinese race. Basically my laptop broke for a bit, and then I fell asleep. So, erm, sorry for that. Either issue is still possible today, to be perfectly honest. Oh, wait, a lap time! Nelsinho bumps in a 1:15.064 to gloriously top the times from Sebby Bourdais.

12:27 BST - Piquet improves again to a 1:14.296, and Bourdais goes just 0.051 seconds slower. High drama indeed. Timo Glock is currently showing a time of 21:06.787, which I think we can safely file under "evidence that Live Timing is still a bit crocked". He puts in a 1:14.707 to spare the techy men their blushes, and Vettel is out too, as are the Williams boys and Trulli.

12.30 BST - The championship contenders get a bit of screen time. Massa is sitting in the garage wearing a Ferrari coat the size of a tent, while Lewis Hamilton has his fingers in his ears and has at least gone as far as putting some overalls on. Bourdais now tops the times, from Glock, Piquet and Vettel. Williams look slow, Rosberg 5th and Nakas 6th out of six. Vettel had a bit of a moment on his last lap, but he's ok folks.

The Foot - "So, unless theres some sort of massive calamity that hits us out of nowhere in the coming days it appears that the young black guy will be winning this one. While everyone won't like it I suppose most of us will agree that it's better than the other guy winning. Enough about the American elections though, theres F1 championship talk to be had! So unless theres some sort of massi--"

12.37 BST - On the subject of the US elections, fancy watching Graham Norton, Thandie Newton and Ricky Gervais act out a scene from the Sarah Palin-themed grot film? Your wish is my command. Obviously don't click that link if you're sitting in a crowded office with your PC speakers ratcheted up to eleven. Or indeed if you're an easily offended type.

Oh, right, F1, yes. The Hondas are out, Barrichello goes 6th (in what my yet be his final grand prix). Button goes last. And Kimi's making a bit of a mess of his out lap, nearly blocking a flying Williams.

12.40 BST - Kovalainen is out and goes fastest. Meanwhile, Hamilton goes 9th. Four places too low, Lewis! Oh, there we go, Hamilton goes P1 from Kovy, Glock is now third, Button moves up to fourth (!) and Heidfeld is now 5th.

12.45 BST - Massa joins the party as we reach the halfway stage, and goes 2nd, just a smidge less than two tenths slower than Hamilton. Webber up to fourth! Foot be happy! Oddly, neither Force India has set a lap yet. Neither have Kubica, Alonso or Raikkonen. Though the Pole is on track as we speak.

12.47 BST - Squeaky bum time at the top of the standings, Massa cuts the gap to Hamilton to 0.062 seconds but stays 2nd. Kubica goes 3rd with a 1:12.874. Calling the Williams car slow gives slow a bad name. Rosberg and Nakas now 15th and 16th out of the 16 times. Utter filth.

12.50 BST - Alonso comes out to join the fun in 12th as we see a replay of Nico getting it all wrong and hitting the tarmac run off. When I say that Williams are worse than slow, it's all relative in F1 these days. We currently have just over a second covering 5th down to 17th.

The Foot - "Wait for it, any second now Webbers 'laptop' will break for a bit, and then I'll be falling asleep."

12.55 BST - Here are the Force Indias, and there goes Fisi, sailing wide at Juncao. He and Dynamite Sutil are nailed to the foot of the times then, and now only Kimi "helping those less gifted" Raikkonen remains without a time to his name. Alonso has had a bit of a sideways moment as well, tumbling off at Laranja (I think). Hammy, Massa, Kubby, Kovy, Webbo, Heidi remain the top six. This is a desperately boring spectacle.

12.58 BST - I don't know if the track conditions have changed, but nobody's really improving at the moment (for "at the moment", read "the last 20 minutes"). Some big grey clouds looming on the horizon as well, rain is a definite possibility at some point this weekend. DC, who we mentioned quite a bit at the start, is doing little to make Red Bull want to try and make him change his mind r.e. his retirement. The Scot sits 15th, some half a second slower than his team mate.

13.03 BST - Kimi finally makes it out on track. He goes 10th early on. SOMETHING NEARLY HAPPENED! Massa was 2 tenths up on Hamilton's time after the second sector, but somehow ended frittering it away in the final sector. Which is just a massive straight with a bit of a kink in it, so kudos for managing that, Felipe.

13:05 BST - I'm not sure that it isn't raining out there. Plenty of moisture on Kimi's onboard camera. AND THAT MIGHT EXPLAIN THIS! Kimi spins his Ferrari exiting the Senna S. He gets going again pretty easily, but an embarrssing spin. Certainly plenty of heavy-looking rainclouds in the sky.

13.08 BST - The Renault mechanics have clearly been reading Patty, and send a radio warning to Piquet Jr that there is "a little bit of rain" around. Unexpectedly, given the moistness now threatening the session, we're getting no real improvements still.

Scratch that - Raikkonen, proving that there's still a bit of genius in that head of his, purples sector two to move up to second place. 0.047s now cover our top three.

13.12 BST - Kimi was four tenths of a second quicker than Hamilton through the long middle sector, an achievement only topped by the fact that both he and Massa are losing a considerable amount of time to the McLaren in that nothing of a final sector. If I had any technical knowhow at all, I'd explain that phenomenon by pointing to horsepower or downforce or something. Either way, the Macca seems quick in a straight line. Alonso has moved up to 6th, by and by, just pipping Webber by the thick end of a quarter of a second.

13.15 BST - Piquet Jr has been the busiest bee in this opening session so far. putting in 28 laps for his 9th place. That would be impressive, if his team mate hadn't taken ten laps fewer to set a time half a second faster than him.

13.18 BST - Well that was really odd. Massa was right with Hamilton's time through sector two, he made for the line, crossed the line and.....the clock didn't stop.

13:22 BST - Drizzle, schmizzle. Massa's timer actually works this time around, and he goes P1 with a 1:12.305. He's pulled that out of the bag and no mistake. The camera then focuses on (I assume) Massa's brother in the Ferrari garage, who is the spitting image of him, and made me horribly confused for a second. And then it focuses on Hamilton dawdling around, but he was just abandoning a lap, no mechanical drama.

13.25 BST - Replays show Hamilton stood on his right front at some point on his last lap. He's knackered that Bridgestone, and he pits. Round one to Massa then, it would seem. Kimi's out on track now, can he make it a Fezza 1-2 in the closing stages?

13.29 BST - Despite the damp conditions, the track is chock-a-block at the end. Everyone save 14th placed man Button is out on track now. Piquet Jr has now done 37(!) laps, and has improved to 8th place. Nico, who I shockingly haven't been watching, is up in 11th, which is not half bad given the heap of a car he's in. Massa, Hammy, Kimi, Kubby, Kovy and Alonso remain the top 6. Webber still the "best of the rest" (sort of) in 7th.

13.30 BST - Kimi sets a PB at the end, but can't improve on third place. Hamilton has locked another wheel towards the end, and he'll stay second, so Massa takes the opening session glory. Lovely.

A brief bit of fun at the end of the session as everyone lines up on the grid to practice starts. There's a Force India on row two!

Epilogue

13.35 BST - So then, Massa probably the stellar performer in that session. As for the not-so-stellar, DC ended the session 18th, ahead of only the Findia twins, and Bona-Fide Race Winner(TM) Sebastien Vettel was only one place higher up than the Scot.

13.40 BST - Right, that's that over with then. Hopefully the rain will keep off for FP2 later on. I'll be back for that as well, for my numerous sins, so join me back here from around 15.40 BST if you fancy.

Friday Practice 2

Prologue

15.40 GMT - Hello again. It all seemed so simple. Kick back with a beer and watch some F1. But then my redundant immune system gave the white flag to the cold virus, and so I have been forced to replace "kick back" with "lie in a cold sweat", "beer" with "Lemsip" and "some F1" with "the ITV feed buffering". Though that last point is not really the cold's fault.

15.50 GMT - Still, it could be worse, I could be Felipe Massa, who looks set to dominate this whole weekend if his FP1 form is anything to go by, and yet know that in all likelyhood, it will be for naught, so long as Lewis Hamilton does his job properly and keeps a watching brief behind him.

15.55 GMT - Weather watch, it's pretty much the same as most of FP1. A bit damp-looking, but not really properly raining. Even the weather can't be bothered, it seems.

15.58 GMT - There's a massive "Congratulations Ferrari" flag being draped across one of the main grandstands. I don't want to accuse anybody of being a tad premature but...

Session

16.00 GMT - We're underway here. Vettel, Heidfeld, Bourdais and Kubica lead the first gaggle of cars out onto the tricky-looking track.

16.04 GMT - Sebby V plonks over the first time of the second session, but is soon beaten by Alonso with a 1:13.806. Then Kubica hits the top and now Trulli. It's a busy old start and no mistake. Only the Ferraris, the Force Indias and Mr Hamilton himself are still in the pits.

16.08 GMT - Webber now pops up into second place behind the Toyota man out top, and Kovalainen goes third. We're back with DC's colon cam for the briefest of moments. If that's actually mounted on his helmet, then no wonder he's crashed so often this year. You can't see a ruddy thing.

16.09 GMT - Nelson Piquet Sr is dawdling about in the pits "My son is useless", he may be saying. Mini-Piquet currently sits 11th of the 15 times. Glock sets a new fastest lap, and we have a Toyota 1-2! (For a bit, Massa's on track now). Webbo runs a little wide and remains 3rd. (For a bit, Massa's on track now).

16.12 GMT - So, as I predicted (ahem), Massa only goes 3rd, as Glock remains top and Webber shufties his Red Bull up to second. The Brazilian sorts himself out on his second flying lap though, and goes P1 with a 1:13.077. Glock, Webber, Kovy, Trulli, Vettel, Heidi, DC(!) is the rest of the top eight. And now Trulli goes P1! The first sub-1:13 of the session (a 1:12.999 in fact).

16.17 GMT - Hamilton and Kimi join the party, Raikkonen 5th and Hamilton 6th. Massa trims a wedge off the gap to Trulli on his next lap, and then has another go and finally gets P1 back with a 1:12.923.

OH! MY! GOD! - Nico Rosberg, from quite literally nowhere and carrying quite literally no fuel, goes P1!

16.20 GMT - Lewis has been locking his wheels again, and he remains down in P7 for the moment. Nakajima proves the benefit of taking all the fuel out of your car by going P9 in the second Williams. Amidst all the chaos, the BMWs have dropped to 13th (Heidfeld) and 15th (Kubica). And there are a few spots of rain on Kimi's onboard camera again. The drizzle may be back.

16.23 GMT - It's all kicking off with the low-fuellers! Trulli usurps Nico to go P1, DC (yes, DC) moves ahead of Massa into P3. Sebastien Bourdais meanwhile, decides he's having far too good a session up in 9th place, and runs off the track at the Senna S.

16.27 GMT - Hamilton is busy playing silly buggers with a Renault. I'm assuming it's Alonso, just because it's always Alonso. But the McLaren man locks up as he tries to harry the slower car. Why he's bothering to do that, I don't know, but it must have worked because he's now ahead of the Renault on track. Couple more minor moments: Heikki locks a tyre, and Sebby Vettel gets six shades of sideways exiting Mergulho.

16.30 GMT - Massa has tired of the low fuel frolics, and goes back to the top of the standings for Ferrari. Nakas hasn't tired of them though, and he goes P4. Massa, Trulli, Rosberg, Nakas, DC, Heidi, Glock and Raikkonen the top eight now. Hamilton has slipped back to 11th.

16.34 GMT - The ding-dong at the front continues, as Trulli goes back ahead of Massa with a 1:12.435. Elsewhere, Webber has a half-spin, a weird one. The car just snapped sideways as he hit the brakes and he slithered off the track at Lake Descent. His team mate for next year, Sebastian Vettel, goes P3. And Massa's purpling sectors again...

16.38 GMT - In a move that smacks of deja vu, largely because it has already happened five times, Felipe Massa goes back to P1 in place of Jarno Trulli. Hamilton now down in 13th and with a lot of work to do. Happy news for one home favourite, not so much for the others. Piquet is currently 15th and Barrichello 17th.

16.42 GMT - Nico's engineer is expecting rain "in a couple of laps". I doubt Williams will mind that too much, their two cars are still up in 4th and 5th. Hamilton is back on track and slowly winching his way up the order, 10th now for him. Actually, neither McLaren is looking particularly clever at the moment. Kovalainen is down in 12th. This is all music to the ears of Clan Massa.

16.47 GMT - The fans are beginning to unfurl their waterproof ponchos. Former Championship Contender(TM) Robert Kubica is having a wretched old time of things. He's lapping now, but not improving by much, and remains down in 15th. DC comes out for another go in his final Friday practice of his career. Right now he stands to celebrate that fact by beating his team mate Mark Webber, who is down in 11th.

16.50 GMT - The damp track catches out Bourdais, who spins into the Senna S. Meanwhile Barrichello, sporting a shocking new helmet design for his home race, improves to 13th. A pretty darn impressive lap that, given the car, the weather conditions and the driver.

16.55 GMT - Right, that shower seems to have passed overhead, and the times are starting to get a bit more competitive. Still not many people bothering right now. Massa, Trulli, Vettel, Rosberg, Nakas, DC, Kimi, Heidfeld remains the top eight.

16.58 GMT - Webber has another moment, but keeps the car away from the barriers. Kovalainen currently has the fastest last sector of all, which given that he's 11th is a bit of a joke.

Massive technical failure - Ok, the sky is falling in. My trusty laptop has just expired in a puff of error messages. Don't worry, I have a backup plan, i.e. I've borrowed another laptop. But nightmare! It seems to be the only laptop in the world that is slower and less reliable than my own, and that means it is having an almighty issue running the ITV video stream, the live timing page and Patty all at once. I have to say, even for me, this is staggeringly pisspoor.

I can tell you a Toyota just spun. Though I can't tell you which one. Raikkonen now P5 (apparently), Hamilton P8 (also apparently).

17.07 GMT - Right, I think I'm back to full operating speed now. Which isn't saying much. The order hasn't really shifted much, Massa still leads from Trulli and Vettel. Kubica has popped up to ninth at some point, actually as a result of his last lap, even though it was a raggedy mess.

17.10 GMT - Hmm. Massa's first sector on his last lap was 50+ seconds. Not sure if it was just an out lap, but he comes right back into the pits, so I'm assuming not. The midfield is as pleasingly close as ever. 4th to 17th is covered by a second. Tell you who are having a wretched session (other than me), and that's Renault. Alonso is P16 and Piquet P17.

17.14 GMT - The ITV feed is back to it's jittery worst as we head into the final 15 minutes of the final Friday of the final race of the year. Or something. Nico's engineer is again predicting rain, and sends Nico out with a touch more front wing. The person who has set the least laps so far? 8th placed Lewis Hamilton.

17.18 GMT - Hamilton is back out now though, and on the option tyre. The stripeys seem to give him the boost that he needed and he moves up to P5, which this weekend is pretty much the holy grail for him. Webber also lapping, looking to erase that three tenth gap between him and DC.

17.21 GMT - Jenson Button improves to 16th, a move which leaves the two Renaults just the Findias away from the bottom of the times. The lack of pace for the French team continues to baffle. Likewise the lack of pace from Kovalainen, he's still down in 12th place. The much-predicted rain continues to be predicted, as Kubica's engineer tells him he's got time for one more run before the drizzle returns.

17.25 GMT - It gets worse for Renault. Both Sutil (P17) and Fisichella (P19) set PBs, to leave Alonso down in 18th and Piquet Jr slowest of all. Again, just to show how much small amounts matter in F1 at the moment, Alonso's P18 time is just 1.078 seconds slower than Massa's session topper. Kovy manhandles his McLaren around another lap and fails to improve. Again.

17.27 GMT - Webber fans can breathe a sigh of relief, the Aussie wonder nails a lap to go up to P4, clear of his outgoing team mate, and just a snifter ahead of his soon-to-be team mate. Raikkonen goes up to P3 as well, as the option tyres begin to take hold on the final few laps of the session. The Renaults come out to try and extract a crumb of dignity from this sham of a session for them.

17.29 GMT - CRUMB EXTRACTION SUCCESSFUL! Haha. Alonso improves from P18 all the way to P1! Give that man some fuel! Piquet is at it as well, and he leaps up to P7. The two Force Indias, the only cars not on track for the final flurry of laps, return to their usual place.

17.31 GMT - Hamilton gives up on his final lap after an almighty lock up into turn one, and that is the end of that session. Once again, Renault pull a snorter out of the bag at the last to secure a morale-furthering fastest time.

Alonso, Massa, Trulli, Raikkonen, Webber, Vettel, Piquet, Rosberg, Hamilton and Nakajima the final top ten.

Epilogue

17.35 GMT - So a very pleasing session for Massa then. He may have been pipped by a light Renault at the end, but he was supremely dominant for most of practice, save for a squabble with Trulli in the opening moments. Meanwhile, Hamilton looks a bit lost on set up, ending the day down in P9. Shout outs to Trulli (3rd), Webber (5th) and Vettel (6th), while Heikki Kovalainen had a stinker, ending the session down in 15th.

17.37 GMT - This was all a lot of fun then, even if I do exaggerrate so myself. The important stuff in this final weekend begins tomorrow then, with the qualifying session. The Elbow will be here for that, so why not keep him company. For today though, cheerio.