The Track 
F1 returns to the Hockenheimring after a year away, as the reduction to a mere one event a year in Germany forces the GP to flip-flop between their two vaguely boring venues. The track itself is a hotbed of parochial moaning in debating circles, ever since 2002 when the circuit owners were forced to allow omniscient track designer Hermann Tilke to perform a cut-n-shut job on the layout in order to bring it "up" to modern requirements.
The net result was the sad loss of the old blast through the dense forested land around the circuit, punctuated in its latter years with three niggly chicanes a la Monza, in favour of a more modernist path. The track now evades the forest with a fiddly switchback corner, which leads onto a long, curved straight (unless that is a contradiction) and a heavy braking area into a tight hairpin. Unsurprisingly, the hairpin offers the best chance of a bit of on-track position change, though the tight, twisty stadium section which was carried over from the old track affords many a chance for a late dive up the inside, particularly into the Sachs curve, which rewards the ballsiest run through the fast, preceding corner.
The first corner has given plenty of opening lap incidents down the years, plenty of which usually involved local hero Michael Schumacher. Speaking of Schumacher, the locals are devoid of anyone of that name to support in their official merchandise-clad masses for the first time since 1991. Not to worry though, they can now choose from the not-inconsiderable mass of current German F1 incumbents, namely Nick Heidfeld, Timo Glock, Sebastian Vettel, Adrian Sutil, or Patty's personal choice, Nico Rosberg.
Incidentally, anyone bemoaning the new layout may take some heart from visiting Google Maps (http://tinyurl.com/68rcgd), who demonstrate a spectacular lack of updates worthy of Patronise itself as at mid-July 2008. Look, it's 1989 again!
Talking Points
After Lewis Hamilton's latest "Senna-esque" drive at a rather damp Silverstone two weeks ago, the championship standings are tighter than a particularly shrunken pair of tights. Hamilton is joined by the Ferrari boys at the top of the standings, with acknowledged outsider Robert Kubica a couple of points further back. Despite the rather dire pace of BMW since Bobby K's win in Canada, the Pole would have gone back to the top of the standings after Silverstone had he kept his car on the moist black stuff to the flag, such is the continued ability of the top three to make such a cock of everything.
Ferrari in particular really need to start knuckling down and channelling the spirits of Schumacher, Brawn et al. Nu Ferrari are showing a Williams-esque ability to shoot themselves in the foot and then douse the remains in powerful acid so far this year, highlighted in the last race by the ruinous decision not to change Raikkonen's intermediate tyres in the first stops. At that point, the Finn had been hunting down the tyre wear-happy Brit with all the aplomb of Elmer Fudd sneaking up on a limping Bugs Bunny, but like Mr Fudd, Ferrari's best laid plans went to waste and the whole operation blew up in their faces, and they were also architects of their own downfall, the greed of grabbing the lead seemingly stopping them checking fundamental issues like tyre longevity, just as poor Elmer so often forgot to check if the wily rabbit had stuck a cork in the end of his gun or not. And if that's not a weird analogy, I don't know what is.
The general consensus remains that Ferrari should have won a few more races than they have already managed in 2008, and the fact that Hamilton has more wins than either Massa or Raikkonen is testament as much to Ferrari's newly-discovered cack-handed streak than it is the outright title-winning pace of the rival package. Elsewhere, it is unlikely that BMW and Kubica can hope for much more than benefiting from more mishaps from the front lot, but if they can stay in the hunt for a while longer, anything is possible.
With such a close title battle, it is easy to forget the similarly epic struggle behind the frontrunners. At one time or another this year, the likes of Toyota, Red Bull, Williams, Renault and even Honda have had the pace to run as the best of the rest, but nobody is yet looking like cementing a decent lead in the microcosmic constructors battle raging just behind the podium placings. Toyota leapfrogged Red Bull after Silverstone, thanks to Jarno Trulli's failure to spin ten times a lap and Mark Webber's excellence at the same task, but Webber's front row start at the British track (even if he and poleman Heikki Kovalainen were erring towards the Alonso approach to race fuel levels) shows that the "independent" team are still well-placed to fight back. Meanwhile, Renault continue to show flashes of pace combined with periods of chronic slowness, though the rise of the formerly useless Piquet Jr (despite his race-ending spin at Silvy, he was still running strongly when he messed up) may come into play while the respective number twos at Toyota and Red Bull continue to struggle.
Honda are still realistically fighting with Toro Rosso and Force India to escape from the first part of qualifying, but the Ross Brawn-inspired podium drive from Rubens Barrichello at Silvy show that the team can still benefit when conditions are more level. Finally, Williams still sit sixth in the constructors table, but the odd point for Nakas aside, have been pretty dire of late. Nico Rosberg hasn't scored a point for five races, and looked all at sea throughout the Silverstone weekend. Whether or not the smaller budget of the Williams squad can allow for any fightback remains to be seen.
Modern Classic
2001
Much of 2001, if you were a hopeful Juan Pablo Montoya fan like myself (if you were, keep it quiet, it's the safest way), was nothing more than a series of expectant peaks of a debut win, followed by the trough of blameless despair. After being Verstappened while leading in Brazil and being Schumachered while leading in Austria, Germany finally seemed to be going to plan. With the BMW-powered Williams cars flying to the front row of the grid in qualifying, a slightly rubbish team mate alongside him in Ralf Schumacher, and the dominant force of 2001 being mired in a spectacular race-stopping accident and being forced to take the restart in the spare car (I mean Michael Schumacher there, not Luciano Burti), the stage appeared once again to be set for the Colombian.
Predictably, it was not to be, as engine failure while leading on lap 24 left the way clear for Ralf to pick up an unspectacular second career victory. Elsewhere, after seeing Burti's Prost launched over the top of his static Ferrari on the first start, Michael Schumacher suffered mechanical retirement a lap before Montoya. If he was upset, he would take comfort from the fact that this would prove to be his last mechanical retirement until the 2005 Bahrain Grand Prix. Burti meanwhile, who was a few weeks away from another ugly shunt in Spa, was lucky to walk away from his first corner barrel roll.
The Prost team got some joy as Jean Alesi scored a point for 6th place, behind Ralf, Barrichello, Jacques Villeneuve, Giancarlo Fisichella and Jenson Button. It was only Prosts 35th point on F1, and only the 14th sice 1998, and it would prove to be the last one the team ever scored, as Alain's wallet failed him at the end of the year.
One Year Ago
One year ago, we were technically not here at all, as the German race for 2007 was at the almost inspiring Nurburgring track. Nevertheless, seeing as we weren't here for the last Hockenheim race in 2006, let us pretend that last year was vaguely relevant. It was a race dominated by rain, and an after race party of anger surrounding Lewis Hamilton's push start after he seemed to suffer a spinny demise. Fernando Alonso won the event though, read all about it here.
Facts and Guesses
Number of Laps : 67
Lap Record : 1:13.780 - (Kimi Raikkonen - 2004)
2007 Pole : Kimi Raikkonen (Ferrari)*
2007 Winner : Fernando Alonso (McLaren)*
Free Practice 1 & 2 : 10:00 & 14.00 (Local Time) / 09.00 & 13.00 (BST) - Friday 18th July
Qualifying Start : 14.00 (Local Time) / 13.00 (BST) - Saturday 19th July
Race Start : 14.00 (Local Time) / 13.00 (BST) - Sunday 20th July
* - Race held at the Nurburgring.
On Patronise
After a week in which we've blatantly failed to update the site due to holiday-based issues, Patronise will return in all its glory for this weekend, with patented, semi-literate commentaries on qualifying and the race itself, and plenty of reports, comments and silliness to follow. Huzzah.
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