Patronise F1

Sebastian Vettel performed the almost-unthinkable on Sunday in Monza, proving that his pole position was no fuel-load inspired fluke and leading most of the race to take his first ever win, Toro Rosso's first ever win, and become the youngest ever F1 race winner to boot. Not a bad day at the office for the German, who already has the media tripping over themselves to line up tenuous Schumacher comparisons.

Any Schumacher comparisons left over when the dust settled were dumped on Lewis Hamilton's doorstep, as the Brit achieved a semi-decent recovery drive after his tyre nightmare on Saturday to take 7th place from 15th on the grid. But for a rain shower that never arrived, he could well have won. But the road to the pair of precious points were littered with some truly appalling pieces of driving, as the McLaren man elbowed competitors off the track left right and centre. For a man who has been priapically rambling on about "balls" before the race, he somewhat ironically ended up looking like a bit of a dickhead.

The race began behind the safety car, with the wet track deemed to be too much of a challenge to allow the drivers the chance to attack it at racing speeds straight away. 19 cars pulled away behind Bernd Maylander's silver Mercedes, but Sebastien Bourdais went nowhere, as a ghost in the machine caused him to remain stationary on the grid. Vettel's team mate eventually got going having lost a lap, and his pace for the rest of the race seemed to indicate he would have been on for a good finish. More bad luck for the formerly crap-looking Frenchman, who but for a last lap swamping in Spa and this malady, could possibly have secured back-to-back podiums at the back-to-back races.

The cars were released on lap three, and the topsy-turvy starting order meant that there was action aplenty from the off, with Glock and Alonso squabbling over 8th place, and David Coulthard and Giancarlo Fisichella also at play. The main action was focused on the recovery drives of Raikkonen and Hamilton though, and an early amusing moment saw Hamilton pass Kimi by cutting the second chicane, though this time he let the Finn back through. Fool me once...

As Vettel continued to lead comfortably from Heikki Kovalainen, Mark Webber, Nico Rosberg and Felipe Massa, Hamilton finally nailed Raikkonen with a gutsy move into the Lesmos, though this would be the last time his overtaking could be described as merely "gutsy". Meanwhile, Massa finally got past Rosberg for 4th place on lap 14, and that was the beginning of the end for the Williams man, who was hit by the curse of the crap Williams strategy, and a sticking fuel nozzle on his fuel stop and ended up toiling around in 14th place.

Hamilton's first bit of overbearing driving came on lap 16, as he passed Timo Glock, and the Toyota man had the audacity to nail the traction out of the first chicane and attempt to re-pass him. In punishment, Hamilton drove Glock onto the grass at the Curva Grande, and the German driver was forced to back out of it. Not the nicest bit of driving you'll ever see, but it got worse. A couple of laps later he was needlessly swerving into his old nemesis Fernando Alonso as he passed the Renault down the pit straight.

The front running two stoppers made their first fuel stops around lap 19, and this seemed to bring the heavier cars further back into play. Hamilton was briefly promoted to second, and after his fuel stop ended in 9th, some 34 seconds behind Vettel, but with a faster car and the knowledge that the German would have to pit again. Alas for him, the track continued to dry, and with no rain shower appearing after half race distance, the wet tyres he was on rapidly became useless. The window to change down to intermediates perfectly coincided with the two stopping brigade's final stops, and Hamilton's advantage evaporated like puddles in Italy in the autumn.

As the stops took place and Vettel resumed clear in the lead from Kovalainen and a super-heavy Robert Kubica in the BMW Sauber, whose own sole fuel stop on lap 35 coincided with the switch to inters, while Massa dropped back after his own stops, but re-passed Mark Webber to move up to 6th, still ahead of his McLaren title rival. Hamilton passed the spinny Aussie soon after and began to home in on the Brazilian.

The closing stages were focused on the tussle towards the bottom of the points places. Massa managed to pass Nick Heidfeld, who had quietly worked his way up to 5th, but the old "cutting the chicane" chestnut was involved, and he had to cede the place back to the BMW man. To be honest, most of the drivers were on their best behaviour in that respect, the spectre of Hamilton's Spa penalty meaning that they all adopted an "after you sir" approach as soon as they had the slightest worry that they'd "cut" a corner during a passing move.

Behind Massa, Hamilton's charge only served to knacker his tyres, and Webber homed back in on the Brit, but with four laps to go, as the Red Bull man dived for the outside line into the first chicane, Hamilton simply swept his car across into him, banging wheels and forcing Webber to dive through the advertising board slalom set up down the escape road. A thoroughly nasty piece of driving, whichever way you look at it, but effective, as Hamilton hung on to 7th to the flag.

They were all way behind Vettel at the end though, as the German joyously took the chequered flag to send the Toro Rosso pit into rapture. Kovalainen endured another disappointing afternoon, ending a decent-enough second, but some twelve seconds behind a guy in a far poorer car than his own, and never really looking to be in the hunt for the win. Kubica kept his faint title hopes alive with third, while Fernando Alonso grabbed a quiet 4th ahead of Heidfeld, Massa, Hamilton and Webber.

If you're wondering why I've focused so much on Hamilton's recovery drive and not Raikkonen's, that's because the reigning champion never really got going. Again. With his new Ferrari contract sewn up, Kimi was back to pre-Spa levels, toiling aimlessly around for most of the race, before inexplicably waking up ten laps from the end and rising as high as 9th, setting a final tour fastest lap as he did so. It would make sense to blame the Ferrari's dodginess in the wet for his thoroughly lacklustre showing, but that wouldn't explain all the times he's done the same thing in the dry this year. Surely now, with his third nil-pointer in a row under his belt, his title hopes are finally over.

Further back, the Toyotas and Williams cars toiled around with the Hondas, David Coulthard had another 13 crashes on his way to 16th (this time, only some were his fault, admittedly), while Sebastien Bourdais limped to 18th, ahead of only Adrian Sutil's Force India, by the end. Sutil's team mate, Fisichella, was the only retirement, crashing out on lap 11 after having destroyed his front wing on Coulthard's Red Bull.

In the end, this race was just what the doctor ordered after the unsavoury end in Spa a week ago. Overtaking, clashes, thrills and spills a-plenty, all wrapped up in the sugary coating of a brand new happy, and seemingly likeable, race winner.

A point now separates Hamilton and Massa in the title fight, with four races remaining. We eagerly await Hamilton's next plan to gain our sympathies before wresting them away with some display of outright cockery.

Drivers Championship Standings -
1 Hamilton 78pts, 2 Massa 77pts, 3 Kubica 64pts, 4 Raikkonen 57pts, 5 Heidfeld 53pts, 6 Kovalainen 51pts, 7 Alonso 28pts, 8 Trulli 26pts, 9 Vettel 23pts, 10 Webber 20pts, 11 Glock 15pts, 12 Piquet Jr 13pts, 13 Barrichello 11pts, 14 Rosberg 9pts, 15 Nakajima 8pts, 16 Coulthard 6pts, 17 Bourdais 4pts, 18 Button 3pts.

Constructors Championship Standings -
1 Ferrari 134pts, 2 McLaren - Mercedes 129pts, 3 BMW Sauber 117pts, 4 Renault, Toyota 41pts, 6 Toro Rosso - Ferrari 27pts, 7 Red Bull - Renault 26pts, 8 Williams - Toyota 17pts, 9 Honda 14pts.