02.53 BST – Konnichiwa! For those of us who can’t speak Japanese/their Google translator is down, that does indeed mean hello in Sato-ese.
It’s time for FP3 of the Japanese Grand Prix, mercilessly back at Suzuka after being at Fuji for a while, the home to a start finish straight longer than Mosley and Stewart’s feud. I’m not the only one grateful for Suzuka’s return, with Britain’s favourite MBE declaring it the best track he’s ever driven on after yesterday’s practice sessions. Contrived, ridiculous and transparent comments perhaps, but a welcome break from any –gate saga nevertheless.
Of the course big news this week is that Robert Kubica has taken up a new career Fernando Alonso has inked a deal with Ferrari and Luca’s immaculate suits for the next few years in return for one zillion pounds. His team mate to be doesn’t seem to have recovered yet either after spouting off absolute nonsense in the press earlier this week.
Back to Suzuka and we’re hoping for a dry session today after yesterday’s deluge made for a pretty meaningless couple of sessions. Fans of Kamui Kobayashi will be disappointed to hear that Timo Glock has recovered from his mysterious illness to take part in the rest of the weekend – conspiracy theorists at the back may now sit down. Elsewhere I haven’t got a bloody clue what’s going on so just stick with me as I recalibrate myself and try and stay awake for the next hour.
02.59 BST – As I said during the Singapore weekend, we’ve blown the travel budget this year so I’ll be beaming updates for the next hour from an anonymous Northern town in the UK too embarrassing to name.
I’m just seeing the first pictures from Japan and I’m amused to see even after an almost entire season, Virgin still haven’t decided on the perfect style to brand themselves on the Brawn car.
Holly Samos of BBC verifies what my retinas can see – it’s going to be a dry session, thank goodness. As there was no dry running yesterday I expect to see everyone out for as many laps as possible today. Now that I’ve said that, just you watch it be Alguersuari and Alguersuari alone who bothers to come out.
03.05 BST – My reverse psychology trick works a treat as many of the cars queue up at the end of the pits before the red light desperate to go out immediately to conduct an installation lap.
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Lolcano on an installation lap there as Button gets creamed by a Torro Rosso into a hairpin. Doesn’t look like anything too major but Button’s going to need a front wing change. We love you Algers.
As Alonso goes P1, Luca back in Italy touches himself.
03.12 BST – Button’s unbuggered his car and is back on track. As BBC’s David Croft pointed out, if that collision had been a little harder then it could’ve really ruined Button’s weekend.
Some fantastic camera shots this weekend from FOM, particularly at turn one that catches the cars casually slinging it in at the thick end of 300km/h. Kimi doesn’t seem too bothered by his P45 he was dealt this week as he leads Alonso and Trulli at the 10 minute point of the session. Nakas joins the track and Japan goes wild. Sort of.
03.18 BST – Boobens has got a helmet that looks like someone’s been sick on top of his head, whilst his car looks like someone’s also thrown up a collection of random sponsors on the car. No sidepod Canon sponsorship this weekend for Brawn and Renault have also managed to scrape the ING decals off all of their team wear too.
We’ve just seen a replay of Kovalainen running off track, much like his McLaren career. Back to Renault next season for more years of mediocrity? Like a man full of ignorance and apathy, who knows and who cares?
Trulli pleases the local Toyota bosses by parking it in P1.
03.25 BST – First time today we’ve seen SebVet, electing to do some lappery despite his precarious engine situation. I’m expecting Red Bull to do well today as their car seems to enjoy high speed corners, much like at Silverstone.
I’m not lying to you when I tell you Bwemmy is currently heading the field on a 1:32:815 – who said he needed those 2 tenths? SebVet tucks in behind him on a 1:33:108 as his fellow countryman Heidfeld mutters on the radio in the most monotone voice possible about how utterly crap his F1.09 BMW is.
03.33 BST – Raikkonen has a major wobble into T1/T2 but he just hangs onto it with some impressive car control. Despite earlier moans and groans about the car, BMW (Qadbak for 2010) has got Kubica well into the top 10 in 5th. So a quick run down of the top 10 at the half way stage of the session:
Bwemmy, SebVet, Sutil, Kimi, Kubica, Trulli, Button, Kova, Liuzzi, Hamilton.
It’s warm and dry still and the track is busy, how wonderful. Fisichella breaks into the top 10 for probably the first and last time ever in a Ferrari.
03.41 BST – How times have changed. Kovalainen lobs it into 130R absolutely flat out without looking really challenged whatsoever.
Buemi’s obviously pinched McLsaren’s KERS and found a way to have it on all lap as he dips into the 1:31s to extend his lead at the top further still. Impressive stuff from the oddly spoken Swiss star. And he just goes round again and lowers the bar by 0.2s.
Glock is struggling having completed no laps yesterday, however he has an excuse where as Grosjean in 20th does not. It’s the one on the right, Romain.
03.51 BST – The track temperature keeps rising as the track reaches spin o’clock – first Heidfeld and then Grosjean.
Button’s on track on the soft tyres pounding in lap after lap. There’s a degree of understeer on corner entry, but the back end looks compliant and I’m sure the Brawn will be quick enough in the race to propel Button towards his first WDC at his now trademark painfully slow pace.
Renault are having an absolute ‘mare, Grosjean 19th and Alonso 20th. Grosjean to Ferrari FTW.
03.57 BST – Bwemmy’s still pointing and laughing at the rest of the field, he’s the only driver in the 1:31s. Ridiculous.
His sort of vicarious team mate Mark Webber has just driven into a tyre barrier and that ends his FP3 session, meaning he’ll finish no higher than 13th. Unlucky for some indeed.
The Head may not want to wake up to guide you through qually as Williams and more importantly Rosberg are absolutely nowhere. Performance like this may hasten Nico’s supposed done and dusted move to Brawn.
To infringe on Timbaland and Madonna’s copyright, we’ve only got four minutes.
04.01 BST – Fernando Alonso is putting his Renault all kinds of sideways and is worth the admission price alone to watch.
I can’t believe this but I think Bwemmy really is going to be P1. Haha, just as I say that Trulli nicks in ahead of him to make our favourite rookie shout “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” under his helmet. Glory run for the Toyota bosses?
Everyone else is finishing their last laps.
04.05 BST – SESSION OVER. So Jarno Trulli is fastest ahead of Bwemmy by 0.062 who will be gutted to miss out on topping his first ever Formula 1 session. Behind him The Head will be delighted to see Rosberg has somehow hauled his car up to 3rd place. The top 10 reads as:
Trulli, Bwemmy, Rosberg, SebVet, Kimi, Sutil, Boobens, Kova, Button, Alguersuari.
Qualifying starts in just under two hours (0600 BST), so please join us here live on Patty where The Head will guide you through the three qualifying sessions, it looks like it’s going to be a cracker. I’m now off to die, thank you for sticking with me and my ramblings.
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