17.52 BST – Hello and welcome to FP2 on Patty. I’m The Hand and my smartphone is going spackers at me via its schedule program as it screams at me to sit down at my computer to commentate on FP2 at Interlagos. I’m currently blaring out Hall & Oates “Maneater” and getting strange looks so it’s probably best I turn down that dial down and increase the volume on the FOM feed.
A large gracias to my colleague Elbow who did a stirling job on FP1, which is more than can be said for some of the drivers. Renault had an absolute ‘mare with Grosjean smashing half the Brazilian countryside to pieces and Alonso wasn’t much better. STR had their token car-write off via Bwemmy, but at the pointy end it was Red Bull who drew blood first in the form of Webber who was a long way ahead of the chasing pack. Jenson Button kept up his slow and ridiculously steady approach to the world title by ending up 7th, followed by his probable 2010 team mate and love-fixation of The Head, Nico Rosberg.
Onwards with the most boring session of the weekend, then.
18.00 BST – After my Alonso/Massa piece yesterday, today marks day 2 of 3 of my daily contribution here, you lucky readers. I’m down for qualifying tomorrow too and I’ll try and make my comments slightly less controversial than a Jan Moir opinion piece.
Back to the cars, it’s dry at the track but there are Dawn French sized ominous clouds above the circuit, meaning this session will no doubt be utterly ruined by rain. Great. As far as I’m aware the teams have three sets of inters and four sets of wets, so let’s hope that if it does rain that it pours as I can’t see the teams risking inters on a changeable surface.
So, bets on who’ll be quick in this session? Red Bull look strong and I imagine McLaren, sorry, Lewis Hamilton, will be quick due to his KERS which is a huge advantage around this track that is basically built in the sky with no oxygen in sight.
If you want to get in touch with your thoughts, comments or amusing pictures of Massa walking around the paddock, then please email them in on This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and I’ll try and give a shout out.
OOOO cars are on track! Session is go.
18.06 BST – There’s no messing about doing the usual installation lap stuff, plenty of drivers have leaped onto the circuit and have began lapping immediately. Hilariously Kobayashi temporarily leads the way, but he’s been booted out as quickly as he got there.
Webber goes back to the top, a position he’s seemingly comfortable with this weekend.
18.11 BST – I know Elbow was having technical problems to do with the auto-refresh, but I believe they’re now fixed. If not, feel free to give yourself RSI by F5’ing the living daylights out of your keyboard every now and then.
The Brawn cars this weekend are covered in all manner of new sponsors and the decals look like they’ve been applied by a 3 year in the lowest set of his school’s Art classes. Terrible.
Vettel’s the only guy in the 1:12s as he heads the field, but oh my days, BWEMMY makes up for snapping his car in two a few hours ago by going 2 tenths faster than Vettel to lead in Brazil.
18.18 BST – Fisichella pits and he even contrives to make doing that look slower than usual. That podgey guy from Ferrari with the beard everyone recognises but doesn’t know the name of looks on.
Things have gone a little quieter on track as the teams realise the rain isn’t as imminent as perhaps we all first thought. Renault haven’t even bothered to do a fast lap yet, but wait, I’ve spoken too soon as Grosjean ventures on circuit in search of his next accident.
We’re riding onboard of Rosberg (settle down Head) which is a lovely sight.
Top 10: Bwemmy, SebVet, Trulli, Heikki, Button, Sutil, Algers, Hamilton, Boobens, Webber.
18.23 BST – For goodness sake, it only took 20 minutes which must be a record – Button’s on the radio moaning away in a voice that sounds like he’s having his head held underwater at the same time.
BBC commentators David Croft and Maurice Hamilton are discussing preferential treatment within McLaren, with Hamilton (Maurice) eloquently summarising that McLaren’s right to always give Heikki new fast parts whenever they can be fluffed to do so.
Liuzzi has a lolspin moment just before the twisty infield section, bit of snap oversteer and round he goes. Vijay Mallya looks on with a frown and a look that says “there is absolutely no chance on Earth of me employing you in 2010.”
18.33 BST – Even those with talent are struggling as both Vettel and Alonso slip and slither off the circuit but avoid any damage and creep back on. Button’s responded brilliantly to my sarcastic jibes by placing his odd liveried car in P1.
BBC are discussing whether Donington will or won’t happen. My feeling is it won’t happen and even when the cars go at out for FP1 at Silverstone in 2010, Simon Gillett of CEO Donington fame will still be giving out quotes that he’s confident Donington will be ready soon. What a plonker.
Top 10: Butt, Webber mayte, Bwemmy, SebVet, Heikki, Trulli, Hamilton, Kimi, SUIT YOU SIR, Algers
18.44 BST – Hamilton comes out of the final corner and deploys 90% of his KERS to confirm how much of an advantage it will be this weekend, particularly in qualifying as he will be able to take advantage of it on his outlap.
Kovalainen does his best impression of Ronnie Peterson by hanging it out an obscene amount of degrees in the mid section as Norbert Haug looks on from his reinforced pitwall chair.
Nakas grabs 18th spot. * Dons a hybrid Sir Alan Sugar/Sir Frank Williams voice.* “Nakas, you didn’t bring me any bladdy points. 2010? You’re fired.”
Bwemmy returns to P1 and he’s going faster again this lap ... and yep, he’s improved by 0.2 again to lower the bar further.
18.59 BST – Not really much happening on track, Fisichella’s going round and I don’t need to tell you how boring that sight is.
Ross Brawn is stood arms folded in his garage, looking ridiculously like an embarrassing Dad in his grey sweater.
Rob Smedley obviously agrees with me – they just showed him watching Fizzi, rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
In the title fight, Button’s 2nd, SebVet 6th and Boobens is down in 14th, albeit only 7 tenths down. The field spread at this circuit is very small indeed, so it should be a very tight qualifying tomorrow with the front few rows taken up by three stoppers.
19.10 BST – I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, Fisichella’s pulled the car over at the end of the pitlane to do a practice start thing and the car’s just shut itself down in protest at his crapness. How embarrassing and I’m not sure how they’re going to move the car out of the way. Oh wait, a marshall is now pushing Fizzi along in neutral into a sideroad and it looks like we’re going to avoid a red flag, how splendid. Get that marshall a pint.
Fizzi’s manager waves and smiles to the cameras. I personally wouldn’t.
19.16 BST – It’s spitting quite a lot more now so it allows some time to reflect. The field is ridiculously close; the whole grid is covered by less than a second. Quick rundown the top with 15 to go, then:
Bwemmy, Button, Webber, Trulli, Nico (woo), SebVet, Sutil, Hamilton, Kubica, Kobayashi. Yes you read right on that last one, hats off to you Kamui-san.
Fizzi can’t find a scooter so he has the walk of shame back to the pits.
19.24 BST – Everyone’s bolting on the soft tyre for a final blast, so I’m expecting the order to get a bit jumbled up. Hamilton’s out on track, complete with his new shaved appearance, giving it everything.
As well as being a very close field, everyone’s done a lot of laps today – Button and SebVet amassing an impressive 39 laps each thus far.
19.32 BST – Well, well, well. The Lord Alonso defies his god awful car’s abilities to snatch 1st and break Swiss hearts all over the world as he pushes Bwemmy down into 2nd. 7 tenths of a second between 1st and 19th, great stuff. Final 10 then:
Alonso, Bwemmy, Boobens, Webber, Button, Trulli, SebVet, Rosberg, Sutil, Hamilton.
Hamilton suspiciously quiet, but I expect he’ll come into the mix come qualifying. Kobayashi didn’t disgrace himself at all in 13th, unlike Kovalainen who is down in 17th.
Full report on the session will be up in about 20 minutes time, but please do join us again tomorrow for more live Patty text for both practice and qualifying. I’ve been The Hand, good night.
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