Hello all, welcome to Patronises final F1 qualifying coverage of 2009. It turns out Brazil wasn't actually the final race of the year (*shakes fist at the Beeb*) so we have some other race going on here this weekend. It's a poo track, we don't even have a poo championship chase to follow and Mark Webbers pace seems...well, poo. I'm pumped up, are you?
23.05 CAST - So this new circuit is not the favourite of the Patty team, and frankly I don't know which corner is which and so yes, this could be quite a poor terry. One of the main talking points is the pitlane exit which is a bit underground ofcourse, I doubt there'll be an issue, I think it's just DC projecting his post-1995 pitlane fear upon everyone.
23.10 CAST - Speaking of the Beeb, they're doing a bit of a review of each team, EJ is sticking the boot in to basically everyone. At each team he appears to be blaming the management, I guess he of anyone can spot bad decisions by the head honchos.
23.15 CAST - For anyone that missed the last race, apparently Jenson Button won the world championship, thought you might have missed it because everyone was talking about Mark Webbers glorious win. Wait, what?! The Beebs review is continuing, EJ has declared Brawn the Team of the Universe.
The Head - "I was starting to feel bad for F1 vanishing for five months after this weekend, but now I'm just glad to have that time away from Eddie Jordan."
23.25 CAST - We're 5 minutes away from the start of qually now, so that means Legard is about to start a horrible intro. He's off, urge to kill rising. How does Martin do it?
This is going to be the first twilight qualifying in the history of F1, not sure exactly what that'll mean for us here. Changing temperatures? Glare? Teen vampires? Who knows? Well, we will, very soon.
Session One
1 min - Algie is the first out onto the track, Nico follows him out, I'm excited again!
3 mins - This is a 20 minute session ofcourse, theres some footage of Jean Todt talking to someone who once saw a Ferrari go past on his street. RACE FIXING!!!
4 mins - Algie is bog slow, he missed out on FP3 because they had trouble getting him out of his cot this morning. Or he had a hydraulic problem, I have conflicting sources.
6 mins - Heidfeld has set the fastest time so far, 15 people have set times so far, both RBRs are sitting in the garage. No doubt something is broken.
8 mins - Kimis final qualifying session in a Ferrari, he's currently 6th, Button has jumped to the top for the moment. Barrichello is 3rd so the Brawns are looking quick.
9 mins - Kubby has gone fastest but Hamilton is looking quick while Heikki has a bit of a wobble. Ham goes P1, both RBRs are now both out there so they'll be setting times soon.
11 mins - Kimi is now up to P2 with a time about 2 tenths slower than Lewis. Buemi is 7th, continuing his good showing from FP3 where he was not last. Jean Todt update...he's at BMW, STEALING DOCUMENTS FOR THE SCUDERIA NO DOUBT.
13 mins - Hamilton goes a lot faster, he's 9 tenths up on the fueld now. Bwemmy up to P5 while Algie is P7! Woo.
14 mins - Red Bull in street ciruit struggles shock.
15 mins - Lewis again improves, he's into the 39s, the next best is in the 41s. Boo. Pull your finger out Heikki.
17 mins - The crowd can't really see anything, the lot on the pit straight are staring right at the sun. Nico is in trouble, only Fisi is the other big name in the drop zone.
19 mins - Times are tumbling, who knows who'll get through. Kobayashi moves up to 13th, at this rate he'll have some people to block tomorrow. Webbo goes P2 - fap fap fap fap fap.
20 mins - Final laps now, both Findias in the trouble, Algie will need to improve, lets see what he can do. Nakas goes to 12th, then Krazy Koba takes it from him. Heikki is 15th, how odd. The BMWs are 2nd and 3rd, lol. I guess it helps not having to worry about developing next years car. Liuzzi is gone, Heikki drags himself up to 7th. Oh hrm, Alonso is out, odd, he'll start 16th. Sutil, Grosjean and Fisi join him. Interesting session.
The Head - "EJ has it all wrong. The important thing isn't what happens on track, it's how nice the hotels are, get with the zeitgeist, Eddie!"
Session Two
1 min - Brum brumm the next session is on. 15 minute session this one.
3 mins - I don't think the drivers even care about this hotel, err, race, whatever.
6 mins - Heikki has set the first time, slower than his Q1 time, but the times are coming down on the 2nd and 3rd laps. Kimi flops his car out onto the kerbs as he starts his flying lap. 17th shot of Ferrari World since I started watching, I assume it's right next to Webber World, which I call Wet 'n' Wild.
8 mins - Buemi goes fastest, then Hamilton beats him by a tenth. The floodlights have taken over here, Alonso getting pictures taken in the paddock. Thats a dejected stance if ever I've seen one.
10 mins - Slow McLaren there, looks like Heikki in trouble, probably forgot to put fuel in, it's easy to forget they have two cars for us, maybe the same for the mechanics.
11 mins - So Heikki has pulled off, current order is WEBBEEEEEEEEEER then everyone else.
12 mins - Ted is at McLaren. Feel the nostalgia flow over you. Webbo is going faster again, in trouble are Nakas, Algie, Sebvet, Nico and Kobayashi. Sebvet now goes P1, at the moment it's Sebvet, Webbo and Hamilton trading fastest sector times. Mark takes P1 back from his teammate, Lewis stays 3rd.
14 mins - Buemi goes third woo! Now Button takes P1 and here comes Sebvet, this looks quick, he goes P1, Hamilton also flying - this is getting exciting.
15 mins - Final laps now, Heikki has dropped out of the top 10, he's been bumped out by the two BMWs, Nico is on his final lap, what can he do? Both Brawns are safely though, here comes Nico...he goes P10 and knocks Raikkonen out. Who can beat him? Only Nakas on a lap and he's going quite slowly. We lose Kimi, Kobayashi, Hekki, Nakas and Algie.
Fernando says he wasn't quick in qually. I agree. This is his "final" race for Renault, until he stumbles home in 2011 after the proverbial bender at Ferrari next season.
The Head - "Bwemmy flying again! Give that man second place to Nico in TUF1WCIAWCC!"
Qualifying Three
1 min - Buemi leads the pack out, Hamilton the only one staying in the pitlane. Maybe he's got some silly PR thing going on.
3 mins - It's quite dark there now, we're under lights. The track looks quite nice. By track I mean the bits around it ofcourse.
5 mins - First laps are basically done, no one has set a representative time, Heidfeld is on provisional pole.
6 mins - Webbo goes fastest by a tenth over Kubby, Heidfeld is third but now Button goes P1, then Boobens P3, Buemi is P6. Hamilton is just setting his first time.
7 mins - Now Trulli goes P1, Hamilton runs wide at the Marina, so he stays 10th, still 3 mins to set a time however. Barrichello is on a flier, he takes P1, Kubby gets up to P3 while Hamilton is starting to set purple sectors. Got fuel Boobens?
9 mins - Hamilton takes P1 by two tenths, it looks like everyone will have another lap yet.
10 mins - Here comes Trulli, he goes P2, but Barrichello is responding, Jarno will still have another lap though. The RBRs are 7th and 8th boo. Hamilton purples S1, they're all on their last laps now. Kubica stays 4th, Webber goes P1 where the hell did that come from? Boobens goes P3, Hamilton is going to take it though, wheres Vettel? He goes P1! But here comes Lewis he takes pole by - urgh 7 tenths. Race over. SEASON OVER!
Nice finish to that session, the RBRs just popped up when it counted, but no one could touch Hamilton. The final order was Ham, Sebvet, Webbooo, Boobens, Button The Mediocre, Jarno, Kubby, Ickle, Nico and Bwemmy.
The Head - "Hamilton storms to the penthouse suite in the hot...erm, what are we watching again?"
Well, that concludes our coverage of qualifying, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did, it should be a decent race behind Lewis. The Head will be covering the first Abu Dhabi GP tomorrow, please join us and we can send this season out on an average race nadir! :)
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