Prologue - Morning all. I'm running slightly late, which is in no way due to me oversleeping. But we're here, and I reckon we're in for a very interesting qualifying session. Can Force India lift themselves out of Q1 with their new diffuser? Will McLaren, Ferrari or BMW stage a bit of a comeback? Do Toyota or Red Bull want to gamble on an aggressive strategy to try and beat the Brawns to the front row? I don't know, but we're about to find out. Probably. 11.45 BST - So far, the BBC coverage is making various people at Patty very happy. They've interviewed Mark Webber and they've been to Sebastien Buemi's house(!). We've also seen one of the worst interviews ever conducted, as Eddie Jordan asked a series of rubbish questions to the crown prince of Bahrain. Frost/Nixon it was not.
Crucial BBC information - T = Tyres.
I tell you who could conduct a good interview - Jim Rosenthal. Fact.
The Foot - "DC information shock, he was never very successful...here."
11:50 BST - Presumably for the reasons that The Foot points out, DC doesn't like this place and he gets bitter and moans that the track doesn't really flow. Not to urinate on his cornflakes, but I'm starting to like it. It helps that they've tarted up the run offs a bit so you get a better idea where the cars are on the track during the coverage.
11.55 BST - We're getting ready for the opening part of qualifying now. Heeeeeeere's Legard!
The Foot - "The Head wants to convert Nicos enormous pace into a solid...something."
12.00 BST - It's been a while since I've done our updates for a qualifying session, so my rustiness, coupled with my sleepiness, coupled with my bubbling hangover, should ensure that this is the best Patty MBM ever!
First Session
0 mins - Here we go, here we go, here we go. KERS-wise, after the teams mithered about with it in practice, both Renaults, both BMWs, both McLarens and both Ferraris will run with battery power. Fisichella, Sutil, Piquet Jr and Kovalainen are the first cars to trickle out.
3 mins - Fisi, on the softies, is the first to pop in a time, a 1:35.931. Which isn't quick. A man with a fantastic hat is peering in to Hamilton's garage. Sutil goes slower than his team mate, a lot slower. He's had an oopsie in the middle sector by the looks of it. Kovalainen goes P1.
5 mins - Plenty of times flying in now. Bourdais has put in a neat one to go fastest, Rosberg goes second, Trulli 3rd but the Italian is purpling across the board on his second run....and he goes P1. Glock 4th, Vettel 5th, Webber 6th. Sutil has put in a second lap to go 7th. OMG! There's Jean Alesi!
9 mins - Kimi goes P1 by a fair chunk from Trulli, Vettel, Button and Rosberg. Webber struggling a bit at the moment. Barrichello only 10th. Massa, Hamilton and Nakajima all about to set times, the two BMWs inexplicably remain in their garage.
11 mins - Massa pips his team mate to top spot. The KERS works on those Ferraris then. Alonso goes P7, and now Hamilton purples sector 1...does ok in sector two...and goes P1. Nakas goes 4th. SUTIL GOES 5TH!
13 mins - Now Buemi goes 5th! Times are tumbling here as the scrap to avoid elimination starts to get frantic. Glock, Piquet Jr, Fisi and the lap-less BMWs are currently sitting in the bottom five.
15 mins - Crikey. Piquet Jr goes 4th. The Beemers go 7th (Kubica) and 11th (Heidfeld). Ah, I see, a lot of the expected frontrunners have been running the hard tyre, but it's not really good enough to get them safe, and all the Brawn, Toyota, Red Bulls etc need to get another run in on the softs to get safe. Heidfeld now up to 5th.
17 mins - Nico goes P5 on a 1:33.672. That should be good enough, but it doesn't stop me feeling nervy. Toyota bolt on the softies, and Trulli is absolutely ragging a lap out there. Two purple sectors....and a 1:32.779 to take P1. Glock just behind him in P2. They're safe then.
Bottom five is, alarmingly, Barrichello, Fisi, Alonso, Bourdais and Webber. The Foot is humming a mantra.
20 mins - Webber is on a personal best as he has the super softs on. OH! Webber gets blocked by a Findia, and he's only 15th! Now 16th as Barrichello improves. Webber needs to do another flyer, but he's backing off. An absolute nightmare for the Aussie, and he's not the only big name in trouble. Alonso just pulls one out of the bag to make Q2. He was 20th. ARGH! NICO 15th! Just scraped through.
Webber looks absolutely livid as he drives into to the pits. He'll start the race 19th.
12.25 BST - "Were you blocked by Sutil or Kubica?" asks Alonso's engineer. "Yes, both of them!" screams the Spaniard. Still, he's through.
Out in Q1 - Sutil 16th, Buemi 17th, Fisichella 18th, Webber 19th, Bourdais 20th.
We get a replay of the blocking, and it was a fairly blatant foul. I think it's Sutil, who just drifts across the track right into the path of a flying Webber. Could have been quite a nasty accident. Worth pointing out that Webber wasn't on that great a lap anyway, but he was still on course to make Q2.
12.28 BST - Webber is collared for an interview, and yep, he's angry. Especially as, as the Aussie points out himself, appealing the block will hardly help him at all. The damage has been done.
Anyway, after that drama, the 15 remaining runners are off out for Q2.
Second Session
0 mins - Oh God. Legard just read the timing screen as having the Brawns in 14th and 15th after Q1. Brundo humbly points out that the timing computer resets them in car number order at the start of every new session. Kovalainen, Massa, Raikkonen, the Toyotas and the Brawns are all on track.
3 mins - Kovalainen goes P1 early on with the first flying lap of the second 15 minute session. Barrichello made a horlicks of his first flying lap, but he's on it now, and goes P1. Button now beats his team mate, then Trulli beats Button, and now Kimi goes P1. That's the worst written update I've ever typed. And that's saying something.
7 mins - Vettel goes P1, Hammy was slow on his first run and only goes 10th. Alonso 3rd now, while Nakas and the BMW twins remain stoically in their garages, gambling everything on a single flying run, presumably.
10 mins - Rosberg 7th right now. I'm not sure how to explain this consistent quick stuff from Ferrari in particular, except to mumble something about KERS, but neither Brawn nor Toyota nor Red Bull are looking quite as nailed on for the top few places as I expected them to be.
Kubica's first lap is a shockingly poor 13th. He's probably got enough time for another run, and he'll need it. Heidfeld 14th. Filth from BMW.
12 mins - Kovalainen blinks first in the final, super softy runs. A bit early, but never mind. Out right now are Hamilton, Massa, Kubica, Heidfeld and Piquet Jr.
14 mins - Kubica, who had a small fire in the back of his car in Q1 that I completely forgot to report, is back out on track. As is everyone save P1 man Vettel. Massa on it in the first sector, as is Hamilton. Hectic final moments ahead!
15 mins - Massa across the line to go 6th, Hamilton 6th, Barrichello 3rd and Button 5th. Kubica the first to drop out, wth a naff final effort. Heidfeld also struggling. Rosberg 10th. Eeeeeep. Piquet also out in 15th. The Toyotas leap up to 2nd and 3rd. And I think we're done. Both Ferraris into Q3. Rosberg scrapes through once again in 10th place.
Out in Q2 - Kovalainen 11th, Nakajima 12th, Kubica 13th, Heidfeld 14th, Piquet Jr 15th.
12.45 BST - I actually feel a bit sorry for Piquet now. He mournfully whimpers "sorry guys" down the radio as he tours in following another early elimination. He sounds so forlorn, as if Flavio is round the back of the paddock, building the wicker man as we speak.
Sutil is interviewed about his Q1 boo boo. He sounds contrite enough, just seems like he was concentrating on Alonso ahead of him and wasn't aware of Webber steaming up behind. Off he goes to apologise to Webber. He seems a very nice, if slightly blind, man.
Q3 will be contested by Vettel, Glock, Trulli, Raikkonen, Barrichello, Button, Alonso, Hamilton, Massa, Rosberg.
Final Session
0 mins - So, an interesting mix in Q3. None of the 2009 pace setters to date have looked completely on it so far, and there's the 2008-vintage speed merchants of Massa, Raikkonen and Hamilton in the mix too. I'd predict a pole man, but I'd say it could be anyone, save maybe Nico and Barrichello.
2 mins - Adding to the confused issue as to who will emerge on top is the fuel situation. At least a couple of drivers will likely "pull an Alonso". Alonso for one. The Toyotas are on it early on, Glock goes P1, a 1:34.366, and is pipped by Trulli. Button goes P3, from Raikkonen and Rosberg.
5 mins - Vettel P4, Hamilton P5, and now Barrichello P5 ahead of the Brit. Alonso not looking quite thimble-fuel-light as he goes P6. Nico's run wide. It was the car's fault.
7 mins - So, one last run for everyone, and Toyota looking handy. Trulli, Glock, Button, Vettel, Boobens, Alonso, Hamilton, Massa, Raikkonen and *mumble* is the current order.
9 mins - "Can anyone out-Vettel Sebastian Vettel?" asks Legard. The word Vettel is now defined as securing pole position on a single run. Apparently. Hamilton purples sector one! Button purples sector two! James Allen purples his pants!
10 mins - Button across the line.....P1! Hamilton goes.....P2! That's a shock. Trulli flying, as Glock goes P1! But his team mate must beat him surely? Nico up to 8th! Vettel......P2! it's all happening, but Trulli is on a stonker, and goes..........to POLE! 1:33.431! Toyota have a front row all to themselves! Toyota have out Redbulled Red Bull!
Top ten - Trulli 1st, Glock 2nd, Vettel 3rd, Button 4th, Hamilton 5th, Barrichello 6th, Alonso 7th, Massa 8th, Rosberg 9th and Raikkonen 10th.
13.05 BST - That was a breathless session throughout, and those fuel weights will make very interesting reading as and when they're released this afternoon. Brawn would still be favourites, but Button is out of position behind not only the two Toyotas, but Vettel's Red Bull as well. Boobens is even worse off in 6th, and Hamilton is the dark horse (though likely only fuelled until lap 3) in 5th.
Epilogue - Right then, I'm off. We'll have to wait until tomorrow to see if Toyota can become the third first-time winners in F1 2009 so far. Should be a great race, with or without the sandstorms. The Elbow will make his long awaited return to MBM duties for raceday, so join him for that. Bye!
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