It's been a week of drama, intrigue and babel fish translating as the first serious tests of the 2009 Formula One challengers took place. Our planned serious analysis (with some hot tips for season) has been replaced with one thing; confusion.
Jerez
The week started quietly in Jerez, beanie clad Sebastian Vettel took the gawky, if intriguing, looking RB5 out for it's first laps on Monday. No times were posted and the car fell to pieces after 9 laps. It wasn't until Tuesday that the real action started as Vettel was joined by Hulkenberg, Kovalainen and Piquet who was taking his first (of many, no doubt) serious spin in the new Renault. Quite literally actually, Renaults troubles continued and Piquets ego took a nudging after footage was released of him basically turning left at a right hander. He managed to keep it off the wall however.
Vettel topped the timesheets for the first day and optimism for the new car across the internet swelled quicker than John Holmes on set (I promise, no more sexual innuendo until Webbers back in the car). Alonso fans cursed their rotten luck as it appeared their star was going to be without a race winning car since, ahh, lets see, 2001. Yeah, my heart bleeds.
McLaren got their act together for Wednesday, taking the top spot and putting themselves down as a contender in 2009. By that I mean they bolted on a 2008-spec rear wing and will be contending with Max Mosleys at-the-track tool (That thing I said about no more 'subtle' sex references, I was lying!) Charlie Whiting if they try these games come Melbourne. Behind them was the comeback king Mark Webber doing his first laps in an F1 car since Brazil. Limping bravely into the cockpit the Aussie was straight on the pace, and while he couldn't quite top the timesheets he was number one in our hearts. Piquet shocked everyone by being within 17 seconds of the leaders.
Thursday saw McLaren top the times again all while blatantly cheating, between the rear wing and Hamilton probably cutting every second chicane as he tends to do no one really knew what was going on. Vettel ended up only 0.001 behind him while Nakajima continued Williams' strong run only another tenth behind. The entirely blue liveried machine hasn't yet had a bad day on the track so Team Willy must be confident of an early season splurge. A proper driver finally got behind the wheel of the Renault and Fernando was only 6 tenths behind Hamilton at the end of the day having completed a monumental 133 laps.
The final day saw Hamilton (yes, again with their retro-wings-were-better-in-2008 aero device) in that numero uno spot again, but this time he was only a tenth ahead of Alonso who was mighty quick all day. The Spaniard set consistantly fast long-run times all day, well below anything any other car had done all week. They showed that their previously thought wan KERS wasn't actually that bad at all, as it ran flawlessly for them. Red Bull also took the day to put some miles on their Renault KERS system, and undboutably both teams will be comparing notes and any associated doodling (you all do it on note paper, I know these things!) over the coming days. Williams were again strong but couldn't match the raw speed of the Renault or McLaren chariots for the first time this year.
Bahrain
With a knowing smile, Credit-Crunchees Toyota, Ferrari and BMW handed over $500,000US to go and test sans-moisture for a week in the middle east. Tuesday certainly started well for them, as it drizzled most of the day in Jerez and the chaps there shouted "Bah, rain!" the teams in Bahrain replied "Bah, fog!".
Luckily it cleared though, and Glock, Massa and Kubica got to pound around the Tilke-drome in the middle of nowhere. Times were close and race distances were covered, the drivers could've been forgiven for thinking it was the real thing. No action, not many cars and no spectators. Who could possibly tell the difference? Glock ended up at the top of the sheets however 2 tenths covered the 'field' with Massa and Kubica slotting in behind.
Wednesday appeared to be a repeat of the foggy conditions from 24 hours previously, until someone noticed that if they opened their eyes the pain of whipping sand grated at their retinas almost as badly as looking at the R29. Hoping to get away from the rain storms in Europe, Toyota, Ferrari and BMW had run headlong into the ironic bitch slap of mother nature, as she laid down a sand storm to be proud of. The teams completed a few laps before the pilot of the medical helicopter claimed brown out and went down the pub for a non-alcoholic beverage.
Thursday was no better and McLaren fans interwebs wide rejoiced as photos of Massa and Raikkonen playing checkers filtered back. However Friday finally cleared up and Kimi Raikkonen got to feel what it's like having the number 1 next to his name again. Trulli was next while Klien was only 2 tenths behind the lethargic pair in the BMW. Between the three of them they wracked up an impressive 357 laps, to put that in perspective, thats more laps than David Coulthard did in his career where he didn't hit another car or a pitwall.
Analysis
If it's hard hitting accurate analysis you're after, you aren't going to get it this off season. Anywhere. The teams are close, that much is clear, they're also inconsistant. They don't know how the slicks work and the drivers are getting confused with all the extra buttons on their steering wheels. For once, when the teams say "Don't worry about the times, we're just trying to understand the cars" they actually mean it. If they'd said that last year you'd have known they were in trouble, it was as if they didn't know their '08 cars straight away, they'd had the same ruleset since the beginning of time.
Now though, there is a gap in their understanding of how everything comes together. Renault are moving 50kg of ballast around like a house wife trying to place the dining room table in her new McMansion. Some teams are going for really long runs with full fuel, others are going light to find the balance, they're checking tyres and KERS and it appears three teams are probably running with illegal aero. On top of that, they've split up and gone to seperate test venues.
Until Melbourne we'll literally have no idea. I will say however, if you're a betting man I wouldn't sell my house and put all the money on Piquet to win round 1. Unless you believe in simultaneous Melbournian lightening strikes that hit people travelling faster than 20km/h. They shouldn't effect him.
The week started quietly in Jerez, beanie clad Sebastian Vettel took the gawky, if intriguing, looking RB5 out for it's first laps on Monday. No times were posted and the car fell to pieces after 9 laps. It wasn't until Tuesday that the real action started as Vettel was joined by Hulkenberg, Kovalainen and Piquet who was taking his first (of many, no doubt) serious spin in the new Renault. Quite literally actually, Renaults troubles continued and Piquets ego took a nudging after footage was released of him basically turning left at a right hander. He managed to keep it off the wall however.Vettel topped the timesheets for the first day and optimism for the new car across the internet swelled quicker than John Holmes on set (I promise, no more sexual innuendo until Webbers back in the car). Alonso fans cursed their rotten luck as it appeared their star was going to be without a race winning car since, ahh, lets see, 2001. Yeah, my heart bleeds.
McLaren got their act together for Wednesday, taking the top spot and putting themselves down as a contender in 2009. By that I mean they bolted on a 2008-spec rear wing and will be contending with Max Mosleys at-the-track tool (That thing I said about no more 'subtle' sex references, I was lying!) Charlie Whiting if they try these games come Melbourne. Behind them was the comeback king Mark Webber doing his first laps in an F1 car since Brazil. Limping bravely into the cockpit the Aussie was straight on the pace, and while he couldn't quite top the timesheets he was number one in our hearts. Piquet shocked everyone by being within 17 seconds of the leaders.Thursday saw McLaren top the times again all while blatantly cheating, between the rear wing and Hamilton probably cutting every second chicane as he tends to do no one really knew what was going on. Vettel ended up only 0.001 behind him while Nakajima continued Williams' strong run only another tenth behind. The entirely blue liveried machine hasn't yet had a bad day on the track so Team Willy must be confident of an early season splurge. A proper driver finally got behind the wheel of the Renault and Fernando was only 6 tenths behind Hamilton at the end of the day having completed a monumental 133 laps.
The final day saw Hamilton (yes, again with their retro-wings-were-better-in-2008 aero device) in that numero uno spot again, but this time he was only a tenth ahead of Alonso who was mighty quick all day. The Spaniard set consistantly fast long-run times all day, well below anything any other car had done all week. They showed that their previously thought wan KERS wasn't actually that bad at all, as it ran flawlessly for them. Red Bull also took the day to put some miles on their Renault KERS system, and undboutably both teams will be comparing notes and any associated doodling (you all do it on note paper, I know these things!) over the coming days. Williams were again strong but couldn't match the raw speed of the Renault or McLaren chariots for the first time this year.
Bahrain
With a knowing smile, Credit-Crunchees Toyota, Ferrari and BMW handed over $500,000US to go and test sans-moisture for a week in the middle east. Tuesday certainly started well for them, as it drizzled most of the day in Jerez and the chaps there shouted "Bah, rain!" the teams in Bahrain replied "Bah, fog!".
Luckily it cleared though, and Glock, Massa and Kubica got to pound around the Tilke-drome in the middle of nowhere. Times were close and race distances were covered, the drivers could've been forgiven for thinking it was the real thing. No action, not many cars and no spectators. Who could possibly tell the difference? Glock ended up at the top of the sheets however 2 tenths covered the 'field' with Massa and Kubica slotting in behind.
Wednesday appeared to be a repeat of the foggy conditions from 24 hours previously, until someone noticed that if they opened their eyes the pain of whipping sand grated at their retinas almost as badly as looking at the R29. Hoping to get away from the rain storms in Europe, Toyota, Ferrari and BMW had run headlong into the ironic bitch slap of mother nature, as she laid down a sand storm to be proud of. The teams completed a few laps before the pilot of the medical helicopter claimed brown out and went down the pub for a non-alcoholic beverage.Thursday was no better and McLaren fans interwebs wide rejoiced as photos of Massa and Raikkonen playing checkers filtered back. However Friday finally cleared up and Kimi Raikkonen got to feel what it's like having the number 1 next to his name again. Trulli was next while Klien was only 2 tenths behind the lethargic pair in the BMW. Between the three of them they wracked up an impressive 357 laps, to put that in perspective, thats more laps than David Coulthard did in his career where he didn't hit another car or a pitwall.
Analysis
If it's hard hitting accurate analysis you're after, you aren't going to get it this off season. Anywhere. The teams are close, that much is clear, they're also inconsistant. They don't know how the slicks work and the drivers are getting confused with all the extra buttons on their steering wheels. For once, when the teams say "Don't worry about the times, we're just trying to understand the cars" they actually mean it. If they'd said that last year you'd have known they were in trouble, it was as if they didn't know their '08 cars straight away, they'd had the same ruleset since the beginning of time.
Now though, there is a gap in their understanding of how everything comes together. Renault are moving 50kg of ballast around like a house wife trying to place the dining room table in her new McMansion. Some teams are going for really long runs with full fuel, others are going light to find the balance, they're checking tyres and KERS and it appears three teams are probably running with illegal aero. On top of that, they've split up and gone to seperate test venues.
Until Melbourne we'll literally have no idea. I will say however, if you're a betting man I wouldn't sell my house and put all the money on Piquet to win round 1. Unless you believe in simultaneous Melbournian lightening strikes that hit people travelling faster than 20km/h. They shouldn't effect him.
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