The final part of Patty's bumper season preview sees the intrepid Patronise writers give their fitful, and often fretful opinions on what they think we have to look forward to this year.
1. Which driver will lift this year's World Championship?
The Head: No idea. Which is fantastic, frankly. Let's say Robert Kubica, I'd like that. Him or Nico.
The Foot: Felipe Massa, but only when the '09 world champion Kimi Raikkonen lets him hold it.
The Elbow: The 2008 season ended with one driver in particular reminding the world just how good he is by just about outscoring the rest of the field in an underpowered Renault. Provided the French outfit can give him a proper motor, I fancy the amalgamation of Liverpool players (Fernando Alonso of course) to take the crown for a third time.
The Knee: My heart says Fernando Alonso, my head says Kimi Raikkonen - he's got a lot to prove and little time to prove it in.
2. Which driver will impress the most in general?
The Head: I have high hopes for Heidfeld this year. If the rule changes have made the Beemer a bit easier to set up, he's got a chance to wrest the BMW momentum from Kubica this season. Even though I just tipped Kubby for the title. This is, um, covering the bases.
The Foot: Rubens Barrichello. It's easy to impress when no one expects anything of you.
The Elbow: Probably the most intriguing scrap this year will be between the two Red Bull drivers, Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. They’re both highly talented, and I’m personally not expecting Webber to lose any speed as a result of his accident, but the precocious talent of Vettel showed last year that he is a future World Champion, and if Adrian Newey gets the car right he can win again this year.
The Knee: I think Kubica will continue to impress, as will Piquet. Oh...no...my bad. Just Kubica.
3. Which driver will be a massive disappointment?
The Head: Probably Heidfeld, now I've thrown my cursed cap in his corner. Him or Nico, who will have a crap car, overdrive to make up for it, lose a million front wings and be shamed out of F1. And then I'll cry. A lot.
The Foot: Seb Vettel will be a disappointment to many, he'll drive well but won't crush Webber to the extent that the "next Schumi" should.
The Elbow: Given what the British press would have you believe, Lewis Hamilton is now the best driver ever, therefore his failure to defend his title will make his season a massive disappointment.
The Knee: PIQUET. How, oh god HOW did he retain his drive? Although 'disappointment' implies that people expect something of him and he fails to deliver.
4. Which Grand Prix will set the tongues wagging?
The Head: I can easily see Monaco's opening lap ending with 20 front wing changes in the pits.
The Foot: Melbourne, both for the cars newness and this Great Diffuser Debacle of 2009.
The Elbow: The obvious answer would be the inaugural round at Abu Dhabi, and since I can’t think of a better answer that’ll have to do.
The Knee: Singapore and Melbourne.
5. Which will be the most talked about team?
The Head: McLaren, thanks to the British media. I think they really are going to be as bad as they look like they're going to be. At least when Hill had a crap year as world champ, he moved to Arrows to do it.
The Foot: Ferrari is always up there and gets the added bonus of conspiracy theory chatter. Brawn will be a close second.
The Elbow: Brawn GP have made an early bid for this title with some impressive/illegal testing times. However, I did predict when they were rescued that they would be a surprise package, and I stand by that view.
The Knee: Brawn. Can't wait to see how they do!
6. Which team will barely register on the radar?
The Head: Toyota. They may well win the championship, but nobody would notice.
The Foot: STR, with Vettel gone we'll rarely see these chaps, and they won't get the additional exposure of being last like Force India.
The Elbow: I fancy Toro Rosso’s glory days are over now that messrs Berger and Vettel have departed for pastures new. Bourdais isn’t good enough and Buemi is new on the block.
The Knee: Force India. YAWN.
7. What is the one thing you're looking forward to?
The Head: Having a championship decided on who scores the most points.
The Foot: Webbers first win. Hopefully it will be in F1, and not crushing DC at bingo.
The Elbow: Personally I find Qualifying at Monaco an absolutely exhilarating hour and I’m expecting this year to be absolutely no different.
The Knee: Fernando Alonso's spectacular return to form with the odd Spanish tantrum and luggage-getting-stuck-in-the-turnstile moment to just to make the point that he's BACK. That, and the gorgeous Singapore GP again.
8. Which driver will be replaced first?
The Head: Buemi, at a guess. He has all the makings of the biggest F1 non-event since Nicolas Kiesa.
The Foot: A tough one, I guess it will be Sutil, unfortunately.
The Elbow: Following on from last year, when nobody was replaced, and then about 1 new driver came in over the winter, I’ll say nobody will get the boot anytime soon.
The Knee: Bourdais, please.
9. When will the world championship be decided?
The Head: I think this year may be a dominant early win, around Monza-time or so. We've been too lucky with nail-biting endings recently.
The Foot: Abu Dhabi, needing only one point to win the title Kimi will cruise to 7th, mainly just to annoy Bernie.
The Elbow: For the fourth time on the trot I think the Championship will be decided at the final round, which this year is at the new Abu Dhabi circuit. Shame it’s not Brazil.
The Knee: Hopefully in exactly the same manner as 2008 - in a tension-filled nail-biting clinch at the last corner of the last race.
10. Finally, who is your tip for this year's Unofficial F1 World Championship in Association with Celtic Crosses?
The Head: There's still time to change the scoring system, so who knows? Not me. Seriously, I really don't.
The Foot: As ever, Mark Webber and Nico Rosberg will be contenders no matter their on track deeds, but Fernando Alonso will win the championship that matters this season.
The Elbow: This could go one of several ways…..and it’s up to our glorious leader The Head really, so I’m going to say Nico.
The Knee: Nico, obviously.
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