The Foot, abiding by the motto of 'better late than never', becomes the final member of Patty's time-conscious writing staff to dust off his end-of-season awards, and pick his star performers from the 2011 Formula One season.
Driver of the Year (that wasn't Vettel)
My driver of the year is Fernando Alonso, while he may have only had Massa as a teammate he was still consistently involved in the fight at the front in a car that didn't deserve to be. The win at Silvy may well have been rule change assisted but it was still a commanding drive, and his position as the new Mr 5th Place (in qually) deserves to be recognised.
Team of the Year (that wasn't Red Bull)
So I'm giving this one to Scuderia Toro Rosso. You might think I've completely lost my mind, and you'd probably be right, but they went out and made their own car and it wasn't half bad. They went a bit wacky (I realise wacky in F1 design terms isn't actually what everyone else would call wacky) with their double floor design, and they had Buemi which is also bonus points. They also beat Williams in a straight fight. Also, this result has nothing to do with them hiring Web 2.0 to drive next season, nothing at all. We do not bribe teams with Awards, honest.
Rookie of the Year
Speaking of Daniel Ricciardo, wasn't he just swell last season? He's got that curly hair, the infectious smile, the fit body and the driving quite fast. Okay, so he was slow as anything at Silverstone, but then he was driving a HRT and it was his first GP, after that he steadily improved, hardly put a foot wrong and started to make Liuzzi look pretty slow there at the end. Obviously it's hard to get an accurate representation of speed when your car is held together with sticky tape and you have to sacrifice 20 seconds per lap to let Vettel through (probably multiple times each tour). But I don't let facts and being accurate get in the way of a good nationalistic award giving.
Surprise of the Year
The surprise of the year for me was Paul di Resta, he was certainly a solid driver with a lot of potential with a team that seems to perhaps be kinda on the rise – he seemed mature and aggressive behind the wheel. Not only that, he did it by coming from DTM – he’s like some sort of curious motorsport career version of Benjamin Button. Next step on the ladder? GP2!
Flop of the Year
Me when I realised just how much Vettel was going to spank Mark throughout the season. Usually the idea of Mark's chiselled buttocks being spanked does anything but cause a flop, but this year the spanking got to the stage where Mark can't sit down and I can hardly think of F1 anymore without crying uncontrollably while trying to shove my copy of Nurburgring 2009 in the newfangled Betamax player. Does anyone know how much a tint change for your spectacles costs?
Excuse of the Year
Huzzah, finally my laziness pays off, if I'd done my awards when asked I wouldn't be able to give one to Francesco Schettino, hilarious captain of the Costa Concordia. Okay so it wasn't done in 2011, nor is it anything to do with F1, but his excuse as to why he hopped in a life boat so early?!? He tripped! I was going to use that next time I was in an "incident" as well, he's ruined it for cowards everywhere.
Race of the Year
I quite enjoyed China, we had Vettel trying to go a different tyre strategy, Button parking in the wrong pit bay, a change for the lead on track with a few laps to go, and Webber storming through the field late in the race to take an unlikely podium spot. The only thing it didn't have was rain, but with the tyres degrading so much and the smog hanging around the place, if you squinted it kinda looked like a wet race.
Performance of the Year
Lewis Hamilton and Felipe Massa have to take the cake for this. Their clearly choreographed rivalry was nothing more than "Look at us having a big fight together, no, no, don't look over there at us being spanked by our teammates, look we'll crash into each other! Yes, that's it, attention over here please!" It added some entertainment, even if it was all staged – you two don't fool Patty!
Quote of the Year
"Ring dinga ding ding ding ding ding ding!" – Sebastian Vettel upon winning the 2011 Spanish GP. There wasn’t much more he could've done to solidify the hatred against him, and then he came out and shocked us all with this. It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced as they blew chunks all over their TV.
And finally, sum up 2011 in a word...
Flaccid.
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