And so that is that for another season. 2009 was a glorious season if you liked more scandals than you could shake a stick at, more firings than a modern combustion engine and lots of other important things too.
Like any post season analysis, it’s interesting to look back and assess the good times and the bad times and then comment in an inane fashion accordingly. Our season review that will do just that and will be along when we can be bothered shortly, but I thought it’d be interesting in the mean time to look back 10 things witnessed in 2009 that we definitely won’t see in 2010 if perhaps ever again.
Much like a relationship that has just ended, we are glad to see the back of certain things and saddened at the departure of others. Unlike a broken relationship however, F1 2009 won’t see us slip into a state of denial and constant checking of its Facebook page in the hope they have a) put on weight b) their next partner is also, a porker.
BMW-Sauber
As The Head commented on their efficiency, BMW’s withdrawal from F1 came as no great surprise given the gargantuan losses incurred in the company’s car sales division. Trying to justify hundreds of millions per season on a project with no tangible or quantifiable return was always going to be difficult in such economic times. Especially when your car looks a toddler was given carte-blanche authority on the car design on the understanding he did so exclusively with his toes - terrible.
Will they be missed? I’ll leave that up to you, but here’s a hint, the answer lies around the answer non-Irish people would give if asked if they’d pay £500 to see Jedward from X-Factor on tour.
Brawn’s start of season advantage
I’ll admit it, I was giggling away when Brawn turned up to Barcelona in a caravan and trailer, with two over the hill drivers desperate to hop in the car and parade around the back in a paper white livery complete with moronic logo design. After Jenson Button had taken 6 wins in the first 7 races however, it was me who was looking more white-faced than the sponsor free Brawns. In their defence, even when everyone else implemented a double diffuser, Brawn still looked quick despite Button’s casual nature that radiated “Chill out lads, it’s June, I don’t need to win another sodding race.”
Come the end of the season though, McLaren had woken up and Adrian Newey was being well, Adrian Newey, and Brawn’s early season domination had evaporated. Even with the incoming arrival of Lord Nico, don’t expect Brawn to be creaming the opposition next season.
The Donington Debacle
Sounds like a West End play or the working title for a John le Carré spy novel, doesn’t it? Well this affair certainly went on as long as a le Carré book, though unlike the books, Donington’s conclusion was all too predictable. I won’t go into the sad and sorry details of it all as you’re probably bored up to your eyeballs about it too, but one can’t help but think this was one of Bernie’s negotiating games again that has spun out allowing him to put great pressure on Silverstone to accept a deal. It’s just a shame the track is left in as much of a tip as Simon Gillett’s business reputation.
Giancarlo Fisichella
Can I get a “Hell yeah!” for an average driver wasting numerous decent seats for too long now? Fisichella’s promotion from Force India to Ferrari read on paper like the company cleaner being made CEO, and he rightly accepted the offer after Felipe Massa almost took his own face off after Boobens forgot to fit a screw properly.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and how Fisichella must wish he had a crystal ball because his time spent at Ferrari was disastrous. And when I say disastrous, I mean so disastrous he made Luca Badoer’s stint in the #2 Fezza look half decent. Good grief, close the door on the way out.
Kimi Raikkonen at Ferrari
When one looks back at 2009, I imagine most won’t look back at Kimi’s excellent form in the latter half of the season and instead at events off track, like when he ate some food. When a race was going on. Obviously, enough was enough for the ever dashing Luca di Montezemolo who was so enraged by the Finn that he replaced him with a man with eyebrow’s so long they even became a sideburn.
What Kimi does next is anyone’s guess. He’s already told Toyota they’re not interested (a message told to them again by their board) and so it all rests on McLaren. If Kimi (or moreover, his management) thinks he’s going to get anywhere like as much cash out of the silver arrows as the chaps at Maranello then he is dreaming. It wouldn’t surprise me if Kimi retires and takes up a 20% shareholding in Haagen-Dazs.
McLaren employees
No, don’t worry, Martin Whitmarsh hasn’t gone mental and done a BMW or Toyota and fired everyone, but early Head Honko Ron Dennis felt the wrath of Max in an early 2009 mess caused by a triangle including Jarno Trulli, Lewis Hamilton and some portly bloke called Dave Ryan. Both Dennis and Ryan found themselves relieved of F1 duties and now have to watch F1 like you and I – painfully, to the sounds of Jonathan Legard.
2010 shouldn’t be so bad for McLaren’s employees as the pro-Ferrari Max Mosley has vanished, to be replaced by the completely Ferrari-neutral Jean Todt. Umm, rrrrrrrrrrright ...
Max Mosley
I’ve covered Max’s career as chief whip in detail elsewhere, but it’s worth dragging up one of the last old boys for posterity. Whatever you think of Mad Max, you can’t ever level at him that he shirks away from sticking his head right into the mixer and enjoys getting his hands dirty, to mix up about 25 metaphors in one sentence.
His swansong 2009 saw him go head to head in a battle nobody is still sure who won, and then enjoy industrial quantities of “I told you so,” fuelled smugness as BMW and then Toyota left the sport. Two scalps in the form of effectively firing from F1 both Ron Dennis and Flavio Briatore means Max’ll be tucked up in a chateau tonight in some tax haven, musing over a brandy just how great he is.
Refuelling
The big one for 2010 and it could not have come sooner. As a purist, I enjoy seeing the racing done on the track and not in the pitlane. The addition of fuel midrace was purely an artificial method of mixing up the classification and an opportunity to display the decals on the cars at 0mph. I’m looking forward to 2010 when the behaviour and handling of the cars will change greatly during a race as the fuel load comes down. I’m sure the drivers also won’t miss being set alight.
Talent in crap cars
Not that I’m suggesting in any way that the antithesis of this sub-title led to two titles in 2009, but you knew 2009 was a strange season when Lewis Hamilton and Fernando Alonso were going at it at Silverstone over the positions normally reserved for any phoenix from the Jordan/Minardi ashes.
If Renault gave Alonso a dog for 2009, then Hamilton was served an Alsatian with all the trimmings. McLaren and Ferrari will be back on top in 2010 with their superstar drivers. Additionally, Robert Kubica at BMW was similarly served up 4 wheels of dross from the kitchens of Munich and will be hoping Renault gets it act together for 2010.
Toyota
Our final departure from 2009 is Toyota, analysed wonderfully by the boss here. Nobody ever really knew why Toyota joined F1, not even their board until yesterday. That their recruitment policy stated in big bold writing that all acquisitions must be dull and have zero X-Factor whatsoever means there’s no sympathy from Patty Towers to the Cologne effort.
We’re crossing everything (yes, even that) however that Kamui Kobayashi gets a drive and isn’t sent back home to work with his Dad, but at the minute it’s not looking too good with the revelation that new heap of crap team Lotus want two experienced heads for 2010. Save our Kobayashi-san!
N.B. Patty apologises that Jonathan Legard is not part of this list of goodbyes and good riddance.
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