Prologue - Hello there! The issue of national pride and motorsport has always been a bit of a dodgy one. True, most fans from a certain place of birth will support their countrymen, witness the rabid Jenson Button bandwagon that popped up at Silverstone this year, or the mad passion with which most Australians will defend Mark Webber. But the drivers themselves aren't really racing for their country, more a mess of sponsors, energy drink makers, German engine suppliers and Ross Brawn. There's never really been a sense of "winning for your country".
A1GP tried to stoke up national pride, of course, with limited success. But maybe the end-of-season fun of the Nations Cup is a better way of doing it. A knockout lark around an improvised indoor track that results in one sole victor. It doesn't really mean anything, of course. It's just a bit of fun. But then surely that is the concept of nationality to a tee. We didn't choose to be born wherever we were, it just happened. So perhaps, in that slightly tangiential way, the Nations Cup is the ideal way of deciding which arbitrarily bordered sovereign nation is better than all the others.
Whether it is or not, we're about to witness it anyway, in Patty's first voyage into the pratfalls and general confusion that is the Race of Champions. So let's get on with it, and worry about whether it matters at all later.
Minor confession - I'm not really sure how well this MBM is going to work, if at all.
11.55 GMT - So then, the countries competing today comprise of 2007 and 2008 Nations Cup winners Germany, as well as Australia, China, Finland, France, Great Britain, Monaco(!), Scandinavia, USA and an All-Stars team, which contains the genius that is David Coulthard. The first thing I've noticed is that there are 10 teams there, which doesn't divide neatly into a knockout tournament, from what I can tell.
12.05 GMT - Ok, we have pictures, and instead of a knockout at the start, we have a complicated group system. Group A contains Germany, Finland, Australia and China, and we've just seen Michael Schumacher triumph over Mick Doohan in the first heat, helped out not inconsiderably when Doohan spun halfway around the race. Sebastian Vettel is now lining up against Chad Reed in the second heat in this group.
12.10 GMT - Vettel is miles up at the midway point of this head-to-head. They're racing in these crazy things at the moment, incidentally. Vettel keeps up his pace on the rest of the long, crossover lap, and gives Germany their second win. This is fun.
12.15 GMT - Schumacher is back out again. I'm not surehow many races each team has to do in these groups. They've switched cars to a KTM X-Bow, which looks like a sort of half-built Lotus Elise. Schumie is now up against Han Han from Team China, who is apparently a journalist by trade. Unsurprisingly, Schumie wins, and Han seems to get his car beached on the side of the track after a spin. Fail.
12.20 GMT - We've now got a handy little results page if you're struggling to really understand what I'm trying to describe. Schumacher seems to be racing again in a bit against WRC bod Mikko Hirvonen. First though, it's Vettel against Ho-Pin Tung in some garishly-modified Vauxhall Astras.
12.25 GMT - Vettel comfortably wins again. This is a bit too easy for the German pair at the moment. Oh! But the Red Bull man spins his car after he crosses the line! That's a bit silly.
12.30 GMT - Schumie v Hirvonen is a bit tasty, pretty much side-by-side at the midway point, but the Finn is easing ahead. Can the Finn stop the German winning streak.....? No, no he can't, as Schumacher takes the win. Not by much though. Germany are already confirmed as one of the qualifiers for the semi-finals from this group. It'll be between the hapless home nation, Australia and Finland for the other spot.
12.32 GMT - Yawn. Vettel takes on Marcus Gronholm, and wins by miles. Six wins from six for the defending champions, they're the only ones to register a win yet. Next up, the pointless Aussies will take on the pointless Chinese. Schumie gets interviewed and says that he's going to kick back with a cigar and a beer and watch the rest of the group stages. The cheeky scamp.
12.35 GMT - Doohan vs Han, and the home crowd go wild, as Doohan spins again leaving the Chinese journalist to coast to victory! Not a stellar Nations Cup for the motorcycling legend thus far. Two races, two spins.
12.40 GMT - Chad Reed, who also races motorbikes of some description, now takes on Ho-Pin Tung. And Reed mucks up the start to leave him well down right from the start. Tung keeps it steady and registers a second win in a row for China, to leave the Aussies on the verge of elimination. Woof.
12.42 GMT - It's worth pointing out that the Chinese pair have already had experience of this Bird's Nest Stadium track, having come through the "ROC China" yesterday, which was a qualifying heat to choose the Chinese competitors for today's action. Finland's two heats against Australia are next up. If they win either one, the Aussies are definitely out. It'll be spinny Doohan vs Mikko Hirvonen first.
12.45 GMT - Hirvonen is up at the halfway point. Can Doohan do anything about this crisis? No he can't, Hirvonen wins by over five seconds and Australia are out! Still, at least Doohan got round a full tour of the lap without spinning. That is progress, right there.
12.50 GMT - Gronholm vs Reed next on track, with Finland needing a win here to leave them level with China in the fight for the second qualifying place. But Reed is ahead at the midway point! This would be a big shock, can the motocross boy fend off the WRC legend? He's still ahead into the final complex, and...Reed wins! Pride salvaged for Australia, and now Finland need to win both their heats against China to salvage a semi-final spot. It's almost dramatic.
12.52 GMT - Jenson Button is interviewed ahead of going out for Team GBR in the next group. He looks like a man who has....enjoyed a drink or two over the last couple of days since the end of the F1 season.
12.55 GMT - Right, this is getting almost serious now. Mikko Hirvonen takes on Han Han in the penultimate heat of this interminable thrilling first group of the Nations Cup. Mikko looking serene in the lead, but he nearly sends it into the barriers halfway around and Han leads after a single lap! If he can hold on, the highly fancied Finns will be out! Now Han has a wobble and nearly hits the barrier! Up to the line and...Hirvonen wins! By a tenth of a second!
13.00 GMT - Right then, this is interesting. It will be a last heat winner-takes-all clash between Gronholm and Tung. The winning team here will go through to the semi finals, the losers will be watching the rest of the action from the sidelines.
13.05 GMT - Very close start, and Gronholm is up, but only by a few tenths at the midway point. Tung gamely holding on, and even closing a bit...up to the line, Tung might have it! He does! China are through to the semi finals, and Finland, the rally specialists, are out! Mercy me.
13.10 GMT - No time to reflect on that shock, really, as Group B gets underway. The All-Stars, Great Britain and Monaco are in this one, and only one will go through to the semis. David Coulthard vs Jenson Button is the first race, and they're absolutely side-by-side halfway around. Will this year be DC's year? Can Button overcome his hangover? Up to the line and...Button just nicks it, by less than a second.
13.15 GMT - Andy Priaulx, touring car bod, now in one of the modified Astras for GBR, against Giniel de Villiers, is the next heat, and Priaulx wins that by miles. Top start for the Brits then, bring on the choke!
13.20 GMT - This is frantic stuff. Button is now back out against Piccione for Team Monaco, who got here by winning a "South Europe" qualifying race a few weeks ago. They're racing the scary-looking X-Bows, and after half a lap, Button is comfortably ahead. He has a bit of a wobble on the second half of the lap, but eases to the win, and that means that Team All Stars are out already, and Monaco would need to win all three remaining heats to pip the Brits.
13.25 GMT - Final heat for GBR then, as Priaulx takes on Le Mans legend Pirro for Team Monaco. I've just noticed that David Coulthard is wearing Red Bull Racing overalls. Was he not supposed to hand them back or something? Priaulx leads comfortably at the end of the first lap, and wins well to mean Team GBR remain unbeaten and go through to a semi final against China. Lovely.
13.35 GMT - Two entirely futile final heats just took place between the All-Stars and Monaco, then. And it finished with a win apiece. Coulthard beat Piccione, while Pirro beat De Villiers. The final group will get underway in a bit, with USA, France and Scandinavia going head-to-head for the right to lose to Germany in the semi finals.
13.40 GMT - Scandinavia will have their two heats against France first. Yvan Muller, ice racer and touring car man, faces off against ninty-five-time Le Mans winner Tom Kristensen in the first heat.
13.45 GMT - Oh! Kristensen has nobbled his XBow into the side of the bridge at the crossover! He's take the right rear off and given his passenger alongside him in the XBow (no idea who it is, but they're all carrying a scared-looking passenger) an almighty fright. Muller wins, Scandinavia in trouble.
13.50 GMT - While Kristensen's shattered car is dragged away, we get some highlights of two truly mental blokes on motorbikes doing all sorts of tricks from earlier on. Crazy, crazy people. I thought we were having the second Scandinavia v France heat next, but it might be Scandinavia v USA. I wish I'd researched this, even for a second or two.
13.55 GMT - It is the second France v Scandinavia heat next, and Mattias Ekstrom for Scandinavia is comfortably quicker than the "cross-country champion" Guerlain Chicherit, but then the Scandinavian makes a mistake, and then Chicherit spins! And farcically, Ekstrom has a suspension problem on his Astra Prototype thingy and is crawling to the line to take the slowest win of the day. This group is absolutely destroying the cars on offer.
14.00 GMT - With the organisers running out of non-broken cars, Tanner Foust and Tom Kristensen go out in a pair of ROC buggies, whatever they are. Kristensen leads at the start, but Foust, who has experience of drifting championships and other things, has pulled it back by halfway to retake the lead. Kristensen fighting back, as Foust slides his buggy right up to the concrete walls, up to the line....so so close...and Foust has it! USA! USA! USA!
14.05 GMT - So with Finland already out, the other traditional rally experts from Scandinavia are almost eliminated. One more heat to go for them, with Ekstrom, a two-time Race of Champions winner in the individual event, set to take on Travia Pastrana. And farcically, Pastrana's XBow has got a broken gearbox, so we have another delay. "This is what happens when you give a bunch of drivers a bunch of awesome race cars that aren't ours, we break 'em," Pastrana grins to the camera.
14.10 GMT - Ok, they've put the Pastrana/Ekstrom race on hold while they look for some cars for them to use that aren't knackered, so we've moved on to Foust v Muller in ROC Buggies in what is technically Heat 5 of this group. Muller leads at halfway by less than a second, as Foust puts on another great showing. Through the second half of the lap Muller looks tidy, is it enough? Yes, by inches. Another win for France to leave them one win away from assuring themselves of a semi final place.
14.15 GMT - Pastrana vs Ekstrom is finally underway in the buggies, and Pastrana nearly spins in the first turn, but keeps it going, but Ekstrom looks to be in front, and he just nabs the win. Half a second in it. That means that France and Scandinavia now have 2 wins, USA 1, with one heat between France and USA to come. Pastrana has, brilliantly, managed to crash another car, after the end of the race.
14.18 GMT - I've got no idea what happens if they all tie on 2 wins, by the by. I assume it comes down to fastest race times or something, but the times are somewhat dependant on what car they use, so that seems a bit unfair. Either way, it's Chicherit against Pastrana in the final heat in Group C. If the Frenchman wins, they're through, if the American wins, I've got no clue what happens.
14.20 GMT - Chicherit has the lead at halfway, despite a big slide into the barriers. Poor John Hindhaugh in the commentary box is getting ever so confused, and so am I. Pastrana is now miles ahead, Chicherit has lost it again somewhere. So 2 wins apiece for the three teams in Group C. Has anyone thought this far ahead, rule-wise?
14.22 GMT - The ROC live timing has France top of the group, based on literally nothing that I can see. Oh, in fact because Muller posted the quickest individual time, a 2:00.635. Brilliantly, there's a massive meeting taking place behind the scenes, Schumie getting involved, as everyone tries to sort out what happens now.
14.25 GMT - Ok, they've changed their minds, Team USA are through! I'm guessing that it has been decided on the best combined times of the two drivers, as USA had a 4:09.011 compared to France's 4:10.343 and Scandinavia's 4:10.252. Odd. Ah well, it'll be Germany v USA and Great Britain v China in the semi finals.
14.30 GMT - These semi finals should just be a straight best-of-three, then. Foust v Schumacher first up for USA v Germany, and Foust is sliding his buggy all over the place to try and cause a bit of a shock, and Foust leads by millimetres at the halfway stage! This could be a big shock...Schumacher has the outside line for the final part, and loses his Germany flag in the process. Up to the finish line...Schumacher ahead and with the inside line, but Foust absolutely rags it through the final turn and takes the win! 1-0 to USA! Are we in for an upset in the first semi final?
14.35 GMT - So Vettel must beat Pastrana, and the rallying American is surely the favourite, as the organisers roll out the Ford WRCs for the first time today for this heat. Germany are really up against it now, but Vettel is holding on gamely, Pastrana slides his car under the bridge, it's close, it's actually not that close! Pastrana is miles ahead after 3/4 distance. Can Vettel do anything? OH! Pastrana's drifted into the wall on the last corner! And Vettel wins! 1-1 in this semi, and Vettel will face Foust in the decider!
14.40 GMT - So, this is as close to dramatic as this fun-packed jolly gets. Vettel v Foust in the spindly ROC buggies for a place in the final. I really need as toilet break, but there's no time!
14.45 GMT - Foust gets the better start, but Vettel is up at the end of the first half of the run! Foust still sliding his car around, but Vettel is being neater, preciser and, well, more German about it, and is looking good. But Foust is fighting back! Into the final run to the line and Vettel is still ahead...and Vettel wins! Germany are into the final, but oh did they ride their luck here. Had Travis Pastrana not cocked up the last turn in heat 2, the two time defending champions were out.
14.48 GMT - So then, who will join the Germans in the final, Great Britain or home favourites China? It'll be Jenson Button vs Han Han in the first leg.
14.50 GMT - Button gets a good start, as Han rattles the barriers, but Button makes an error and he's not got quite as big a lead as he might have hoped after the first half of the run. Still, he's the F1 world champion, and this Chinese guy is a journalist, so Button should be winning this. And he does, by quite some distance. 1-0 to Team GB.
14.55 GMT - It's Andy Priaulx vs Ho-Pin Tung, who needs to win to force a decider. Priaulx starts better, but not by much. Priaulx leads at halfway, with a very quick lap, but Tung is fighting back on the second half of the race! This could be close, but Priaulx holds a good line through the final turn, and Team GB are through! It's a matchup that every football (or world war) fan will be proud of in the final, as Germany will face Great Britain. Huzzah!
15.00 GMT - Oh, actually, hang on. I've just gone for my toilet break expecting a Germany v GBR final, but we've got another GBR v China race, so I assume Tung must have beaten Priaulx. The live timing is buggered. Anyway, Button won. So it will be Germany vs Britain in the final next. Sorry about that.
15.05 GMT - The draw for the final heats will be Schumacher vs Button and Priaulx vs Vettel. What price a Button vs Vettel final decider? The 2009 champ will need to overcome the seven-time champion for that to be a possibility. Germany will be gunning for a third Nations Cup win in a row.
15.10 GMT - And Schumacher v Button is go! They're in the ROC buggies again, what with all the cool-looking cars lying broken after all the frolics from earlier. Schumie holds the narrowest of leads at the halfway stage by two tenths of a second! Can Button channel some of his Schumacher-esque driving from earlier in the season? My stream has died! Nightmare! Refresh, refresh, refresh, and oh, I've jumped ahead in time, so didn't see the end of that race. Um, Schumacher won, apparently. This is a shambolic end to this MBM. So Germany 1 - 0 GBR, with Priaulx vs Vettel in Ford Focus WRCs next.
15.15 GMT - Right then, Priaulx is really up against it, and needs to beat the Abu Dhabi GP winner to force a final shootout. Priaulx is quicker off the line, but Vettel regains the advantage, makes a bit of an error, and Priaulx leads at the halfway stage! Can Vettel claw it back? Looking even stevens through the next few turns, Priaulx hooks a wheel, but VETTEL HAS SPUN IT! Priaulx is going to force a decider! Incredible. It will be Schumacher vs Priaulx in the final of the final.
15.17 GMT - I should point out, becaue I haven't yet, that Schumacher is wearing some awful tigerskin overalls, a bit like this old Hull City shirt. They're in the crappy ROC buggies for this last race.
15.20 GMT - Here we go! Great start from both of them, Priaulx have a bit of a moment at the outside lane of the last corner, but keeps it going. At the midway point it is...Schumacher by half a second. This is very very tight. Priaulx still behind, and Schumie looking comfortable. Can he keep it together for three in a row for Germany...? Yes he can! By just over a second, Schumacher wins and TEAM GERMANY WIN THE 2009 NATIONS CUP!
15.25 GMT - "Yeah! Hat-trick! There we are!" Schumacher shouts to the crowd, while looking about as excited about the achievement as a man who has just set a world record for the most days in a row spent looking indifferent. The Chinese crowd, who all seem to have become plastic Germany fans in the last few minutes, cheer him on a lap of honour.
Epilogue - So, Vettel and Schumacher lift the Nations Cup for Germany. They rode their luck at times this year, especially in the semi final where they were a corner away from being knocked out by Team USA, but in the end, when you've got a seven-time world champion on your side, that seems to count for something. Hope you've enjoyed this almost entirely confused and hapless MBM, and I'll be back from 11.30 GMT or so tomorrow for the main event, the Race of Champions itself, in what will be the last live stuff on PatroniseF1 this year. And that's a promise. Hope you can join me for that, for today though: Cheerio!
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
