Patronise F1

Prologue - This is it, oh yes, oh wow, oh dear, this is very much happening. This is the Le Mans 24 Hours on Patronise F1, baby!

A Clarification - This is clearly not going to be a lap-by-lap report. For a start, I don't think that Patty's stumbling bandwidth could cope with loading a webpage as big as that would necessitate. Plus, y'know. nothatsnothappeningyoucantmakeme. Instead, once the race settles down into a groove, we'll be bringing you updates every ten to twenty minutes or so on the latest standings, action, incident and whether or not the cameras have focused on a bunch of mechanics having a doze in the back of a garage yet.

A Plea - We rarely, if ever, actually get e-mails from you hardy few Patty readers, but we'd love a few witty comments today. You get to see your name (or assumed name) up here in the MBM! Imagine that! Something to tell the grandkids! Here's some questions you may like to answer: Who will you be supporting? Who do you reckon will win? How much of this are you planning to watch? How far will we actually get with this commentary? How soon is now? Do you have problems with limescale, rust, ground-in dirt?

We're around - An hour away from the start, by the by.

I'm currently watching - The most pointless race in the history of motorsport. It's some sort of Renault World Series event from the Hungaroring, and the commentator sounds like he's about half a lap away from killing himself. There is, however, a driver called "Bertrand Baguette" in the race, which may just be the best name ever.

The coverage has started - And we have an interview with pole man Stephane Sarrazin. In French. Ace. He set the pole in the #8 Peugeot, but he's not starting the car. Former Super Aguri failure Franck Montagny has that job.

The Foot - "Our commentators are saying how great it is that STR are letting Bourdais race here. They're missing the glaringly obvious agenda behind that move; they're just hoping he hurts himself."

Patrick Dempsey - Is an actor. He's also racing a Ferrari in the GT2 class. He's pretty much last on the grid. He's interviewed by Eurosport's foxy French pit lane reporter and here's what he has to say: "It's unbelievable...goes by so quickly...support from fellow drivers....Steve McQueen link....had good practice.....getting a rhythm....etc".

Narain Karthikeyan - Has dislocated his shoulder somehow, and may struggle to do much running in the #14 Kolles Audi. Fail.

The cars are away! - On their formation lap. Or formation laps. I'm not sure how many they do. This MBM is a horrible mistake. I KNOW NOTHING!

En attende de donnees! - Screams the live timing! There's a band playing somewhere! Luca di Montezemolo waves the starting flag! And we're away! No turning back now!

0hrs 2mins - So the #8 Peugeot slots into the lead, from the #1 Audi. Plenty of scrapping going on in the early stages, and the #9 Peugeot gets past the privateer Pescarolo car for fourth place. The Bond-esque #007 Lola Aston Martin has moved ahead of the #3 Audi as well. En attente de donnees!

The Foot - "Peugeot 1-2, IT'S NOT DOMINATION! Or is it? I don't know, I have no idea whats happening. Are they still on lap 1?"

0hrs 5mins - So Montagny leads, Lamy second, McNish third, Wurz fourth and Boullion fifth. Can you tell the live timing just loaded and told me all the names of the drivers? The #31 Porsche leads in LMP2, the #63 Corvette leads in GT1 and someone else leads in GT2. The live timing doesn't go down that far it seems. Apparently Peugeot are complaining that the #1 Audi was ahead of the #8 Peugeot as they went across the line for the start.

0hrs 10mins - Dreadful starts for the GT Aston Martins. The GT1 Jetalliance car has pitted with electrical issues, and the GT2 Drayson car has a puncture. OH! CRASH! AND IT'S THE #3 AUDI! Alex Premat has a massive off and he's absolutely wallopped the tyre barrier! Have Audi lost a car already?

0hrs 15mins - The Peugeots are monstering this opening stage then. The works cars are in a 1-2-3, and McNish is some three to four seconds slower every lap in the fourth placed #1 Audi. Premat has been pushed out of the gravel, he didn't actually hit the barriers too hard, and he makes it back to the pits for some car checks.

0hrs 23mins - We're watching a big battle for 3rd in LMP2, between the #33 Speedy Racing Lola and the #25 RML Lola. One of these identical chassis has a Judd engine, the other has a Mazda one. Live timing is very informative, as you can tell. Except for when it comes to telling you the gaps. McNish is 0 Laps behind the leader.

0hrs 24mins - And the #8 Peugeot WINS! What a drive from Montagny! The greatest performance in a Le Mans 24 minute race that I've ever seen. Thank you for reading and goodb......what? It lasts for HOW LONG????

0hrs 30mins - 1/48th of the race in the bag then, and a fight is raging for the lead of the GT2 class. The #82 Ferrari leads, but Jaime Melo has a pair of Porsches stuck to his back like flies on, erm, flypaper. Everyone down to 20th place has apparently been lapped, according to the woeful official Le Mans live timing.

0hrs 35mins - We have our first retirement. The useless GT1 Lamborghini has been parked for good, a car that has barely done a lap all weekend. That leaves just five cars running in that class, with Chevrolets in 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th. It's not domination!

0hrs 40mins - The LMP1s are starting to make their first scheduled stops. Peugeot have a bloke employed to clean the front windscreen, like a tramp working for change at a set of traffic lights. OH! HUGE FAIL! The #7 Peugeot and the Pescarolo Peugeot collide in the pits! What a hilarious nightmare! The works car was just released into the path of the privateer machine. Pedro Lamy has punctured his tyre and has to do a whole lap on three wheels, and the Pescarolo car needs a new nose. That was a complete shambles.

And a pass in GT2! The #76 Porsche, which was third a lap ago, now leads! Well done Patrick Long. GT2s rock.

SAFETY CAR! - The Lamy Peugeot is ripping itself apart down the Mulsanne straight, and the SC is brought out while the mess is cleaned up.

0hrs 50mins - That Peugeot is getting obliterated. The knackered tyre has destroyed the rear of the car. It looks like it's had a prolapse. Lamy drags it back to the pits for repairs. Most of the field pits as the safety car circles. So far, two Peugeots and one Audi have had their races nobbled, and we're only in the first hour. This is going to keep the other LMP1 cars interested, particularly the Lola Astons which now run 5th, 6th and 7th.

Lamy explains - "There was another car coming...we hit...I realised quite late that I had a puncture...was just concentrating on the lollipop"

0hrs 58mins - Restart! The #6 LNT Ginetta makes a mess of a corner and loses loads of time. The SC period has messed the order up a bit, now the #8 Peugeot leads from the #1 Audi and the #2 Audi. The #31 Team Essex Porsce still leads LMP2, the #63 Corvette leads GT1 and now the #83 Ferrari (somehow) leads GT2. The #009 Aston is in the pits for some repairs. Oops.

1hr 05mins - One hour completed. Dave Richards explains that the something thingummy has broken on the #009 car, to explain the fact that it's in bits in the pits. The Eurosport commentator Martin Haven has buggered off for a break after the first hour, I can't help but feel slightly jealous. McNish is still nowhere near the pace of the leading Peugeot.

1hr 15mins - The #76 IMSA Porsche is back in the lead of GT2. I think that #83 car just pitted. The #7 Peugeot has rejoined the field after a 24 minute stop. Which sounds rubbish, but given that the car was pretty much destroyed by that flailing tyre, it's actually quite impressive. The win has gone though. The Pescarolo car, involved in that collision, is in 19th now, and the #3 Audi that was off earlier is running 23rd.

1hr 30mins - The GT2 fight still rages on. Patrick Long's Porsche now has a bit of a lead (around 5 seconds), and there's an epic scrap for second between the #99 and #82 Ferraris. The JMB car holding on well in second, but the problem that team has is once Christophe Bouchut gets out the car, their other two drivers are garbage. Live timing is now actually timing things, and the #8 Peugeot leads by 1 minute and 42 seconds. Marc Gene has hefted the #9 Pug ahead of the Lolas, and runs fourth, closing in on the #2 Audi in third. I'm still fine, thanks for asking.

1hr 40mins - McNish has pitted and had a new nose fitted to his Audi. I think that was enough to drop him behind the #2 car and possibly the #9 Peugeot as well, but the live timing is stupid and only updates once a lap (i.e. once every three and a half minutes), so I can't say for sure.

1hr 50mins - The live timing really is stupid. IT CUTS OFF AFTER 39 CARS SO YOU CAN'T SEE WHERE THE OTHER CARS ARE. Gene is right with Mike Rockenfeller in the #2 Audi in the scrap for second now. With the pace of the Peugeot, this might be quite a brief battle.

2hrs 00mins - A Porsche GT2 is stuck at the entrance to the pit lane, possibly out of fuel. Fail. The #009 Aston has further issues in the pit lane as well, that car is now so far down the order, it's in the bit of the timing screen I can't see. He's in >39th place. Another of the GT2 Porsches appears to be filming it's own remake of a Three Stooges film, as the car pits and runs over it's lollipop man. Maybe that's punishment for releasing the car into an accident earlier.

THERE'S OLIVIER PANIS! - He's interviewed in the pits in time to see his sister car have a biggie into the wall. That looks like the #10 Oreca car is out. Stephane Ortelli hooked a wheel on the grass and spun out at high speed. Oh dear.

2hrs 05mins - Manful stuff from Ortelli gets the #10 car back to the pits, albeit missing most of it's rear end. Vanina Ickx has gone off into the gravel as well, disassembling another layer of quality from the family name.

2hrs 15mins - That Porsche GT2 was indeed out of fuel, and it's out of the race. How silly. It was the Marc Lieb car, incidentally. Bruno Senna was actually the driver that binned the #10 Oreca, and they're repairing it in the pits. The #9 Pug is now past Rockenfeller, so it's Peugeot, Peugeot, Audi, Audi, Lola, Lola in the top six. In the other classes, the Porsches still dominate LMP2, the Corvettes are dominating GT1, and the #76 Porsche has a narrow lead over the #80 Porsche in GT2.

2hrs 30mins - Ok, right, to clarify, it WAS Ortelli that crashed the car. He just had a mea culpa moment in an interview. For some reason the team changed drivers to Senna and then wheeled it into the garage to fix the rear end. The Flying Lizard Porsche has taken over at the front of GT2 from the IMSA Porsche. Those two now with a useful gap to the nearest Ferrari. I'm eating a chocolate bar. A Fruit and Nut, since you asked.

2hrs 40mins - Quick update on those frontrunners that have hit trouble. A cracking performance from the Pescarolo Peugeot team, they're now back up in 7th place. The #3 Audi is now running 13th, the #009 Lola Aston Martin is 28th and the #7 Peugeot is 40th, as Nicolas Minassian takes the wheel of that hapless beast. The #25 RML Lola pits from third in LMP2, but that class is being owned by the two Porsches right now, with the Team Essex car leading the Japanese Team Goh machine, there's just 14 seconds between those two.

2hrs 55mins - Right now, Audi need a bit of an intervention if they're going to take another win this year. McNish in third is up to four seconds a lap slower than Franck Montagny in the leading #8, as the Frenchman laps the privateer Pescarolo Pug, which is still in 7th. The #3 Audi has climbed into the top ten. The timing screen now works all the way down to last place! Hurrah! The GT1 Aston continues to have problems. I think it's still in the race, but it's 54th and 33 laps adrift. Patrick Dempsey (the actor fella) pits his Porsche GT2, which is doing plod.

3hrs 05mins - The #9 Peugeot pits from second place, and make a driver change, with Marc Gene unglamorously clambering out and handing over to Australiasdavidbrabham. McNish also pits and will hand the #1 Audi to Rinaldo Capello. AND Montagny pits too, and hands over to pole man Sarrazin. Now, what will the laps of these three new drivers be?

3hrs 15mins - One of the dark horses for the LMP2 class honours was the #40 Quifel Ginetta. But it's having a dreadful time of it. Down in 50th place, some 12 laps down, and Miguel Amarel just ran straight on at Arnarge, just keeping the car away from the tyre barriers.

3hrs 30mins - The #75 Endurance Asia Porsche hasn't shown a great deal of endurance, and is parked behind the wall to become what may be only our second official retirement. Oh! And the struggling Jetalliance Aston has spun into the gravel. He should be able to get going, but that continues the rather rancid form of that team. As for those laptimes, the third place #2 Audi is still struggling on pace, Sarrazin is right on it in the lead of the race, and is about to lap the 4th placed #1 Audi. Jos the Boss is in the #008 Lola Aston, and has dragged that car up ahead of the #007 car into fifth place.

3hrs 40mins - As some bored mechanics are filmed flicking through some magazines and Eurosport disappear to their 197th ad break so far this hour, the Jetalliance car is pushed back into the pits again. Realistically, the four Corvettes now have the GT1 class to themselves, and more realistically, the works Corvettes have the win sewn up already. It's just a question of which of the two cars wins.

3hrs 55mins - Slight issues for the #1 Audi, Capello pits it and the mechanics have a bit of a fiddle with the front end, but he gets going comfortably again. The #9 Peugeot has pitted too, and the #2 Audi is temporarily up to 2nd place, albeit nearly a lap behind the race leader. Magic. A few minutes ago, Amarel dragged the #40 Ginetta into the pits with massive front end damage, and that car is going to be in the garage for a while.

4hrs 10mins - More problems for the #009 Aston Martin, which has a swarm of mechanics fiddling inside it. The discussion in the commentary box is that Audi are really screwed here. Which is fair enough really, they need Peugeot to throw them a bone reliability-wise here, because on pace, the Pugs are ragging it.

4hrs 25mins - So then, things have rather settled down, and I'm running out of things to say. With the Peugeots dominating LMP1, the Porsches dominating LMP2 and the Corvettes ruling GT1, the GT2s are providing the closest battle. The #76 Porsche still leads the class, but is less than a minute ahead of the #82 Ferrari. Which is about as close a battle as we've got at the moment.

Alex Wurz - Was asked about the team tactics in Peugeot, and whether the second place #9 car he is sharing will be allowed to challenge the sister car for the win. Basically, a pissed off Wurz said no. But then, the team have three French drivers in a French car at a French race in the lead. That would make a very nice celebratory poster. Australiasdavidbrabham is losing a bit of time to the third placed Audi, but not a massive amount.

4hrs 40mins - That's ruined the GT2 batle slightly. The second placed #82 Risi Competition Ferrari has been given a drive-through penalty, which will give the Porsche a huge lead. OH MY! There's been a massive crash on the entry to the pit lane! The Bruichladdich [sic] Radical LMP2 car got nudged by Stuart Hall in the #009 Aston as it lapped the slower car, and he's clattered into the barriers. Ouchie.

Safety Car - Our second SC period of the race so far. And Tim Greaves, in the clobbered Radical, has managed to get the car down the pit lane to the garage. That's a fab effort. It is wheeled into the garage, that'll be there for a long time, but their race may not be quite as over as it looked originally.

4hrs 55mins - We're racing again, with Sebastien Bourdais now in the lead car (I missed that), and Wurz now in the #9 car. Capello (#1 Audi), Lucas Luhr (#2 Audi) and Jan Charouz (#007 Aston) are the rest of the top 5. Eurosport are conducting all their pit lane interviews in French, which I am slightly less good at understanding than I am English. Zut alors! Le pompt de voiture dans le sauce bernaise!

5hrs 00mins - The #3 Audi is in the pits and in the garage! They're changing the front end of the car, not sure if there's any other problem with it, turbocharger issues apparently. Also, that front end of the Audis is proving rather proficient at hoovering up debris and then overheating. And we have a lead change in LMP2! The Team Goh Porsche overtakes the Team Essex car. Nicely done!

5hrs 05mins - The fight for the lead is hotting up, with Wurz in the second placed car now faster than Bourdais. He may have been told he's not allowed to race for the win, but he's not listening. Chris Dyson of "I own an ALMS team" fame has joined the Eurosport commentators for a chat, and is being indulgently boring.

5hrs 25mins - THERE'S A RELENTLESS CAR! HOW HAVE I ONLY JUST SPOTTED THAT?!?! I'll be turning to my old friend Relentless in order to get through quite a bit of this. Bourdais has picked his pace up, and the lead is once again secure. From left field, the #17 Pescarolo Peugeot is up to 5th place, ahead of the pair of Lola Astons.

5hrs 35mins - Oh god, Nigel Mansell is being interviewed. This really is the lowest I've ever felt. To cheer me up, Andrew has e-mailed me to note that "Eurosport’s coverage is making ITV-F1 look good! Bored commentators, useless “guests” and ad-breaks every 5 minutes or so!" It really is awful, isn't it. They're continually being snarky about F1 being dull and having no personalities, and then they roll out a series of the dullest men you're ever likely to listen to and chat with them. Martin Birrane from Lola is in the booth at the moment, sending me to sleep by talking about wind tunnels.

He also asks: "Any chance of rain? Watching these guys at night with the headlights reflecting off a damp track is awesome." Well, Andy, rain was predicted across the weekend, but I've just checked the seaweed, my bunions and, erm, Google, and that chance has now receded to a "possibility" of showers tomorrow afternoon. So no damp track reflecting goodness this year, I'm afraid.

5hrs 45mins - Speedy Racing's LMP1 Lola isn't quite as speedy as it should be just at the moment. It's had a massive puncture issue and has crawled to the pits. Still running 12th overall though, with mini Prost at the wheel. The Porsches have dropped off the pace in GT2, and it's now a Ferrari 1-2-3 in that class. DRAMA! Bourdais pits the leading car, and it's gone into the garage! Problems for the leaders?

5hrs 50mins - Some sort of transmission issue for the #8 car, it seems, but the Peugeot management don't look that worried. He may well lose the lead with this delay though.

6hrs 00mins - He has lost the lead! The car gets going again, but Bourdais has dropped to fourth, as Alex Wurz inherits the lead, 40 seconds ahead of Capello in the #1 Audi. The German machines are having problems of their own though, the #3 car is in bits in the garage, and has dropped all the way down to 47th place.

6hrs 10mins - Three official retirements then: The #40 Ginetta LMP2, the #77 Porsche GT2 and the #68 Lamborghini GT1. The light is fading here, and we're getting ready for the night racing aspect, when I'll have even less idea what is going on than I already do.

6hrs 30mins - Bourdais is on a charge now. He's easily the quickest man on the track, and he's up to 4th already. Tom Kristensen, eight time winner, is in the #1 car now. And the #2 car has had a massive accident! Oh my! Lucas Luhr has binned it and the rear of the car is a wreck!

This is surreal. Audi are back in the pits trying to work out whether or not that car can still run, but frankly it looks like an absolute write-off.

6hrs 35mins - More and more surreal. Luhr now reckons he can drive this wreck back to the pits, but the track marshalls are standing in front of the car, stopping him on grounds of safety. The commentators reckon that a French Peugeot in a similar situation may not be dealt with in quite the same way...

6hrs 45mins - Another e-mail! Alison guarantees a place in the MBM by showering Patty with praise, calling us "the antidote to Eurosport which makes me want to chew my toenails off just to keep awake every year" in a sentence which reveals what I'll be doing in around six hours or so. "The hubby asked what I wanted him to bring back as a present... but apparantly Patrick Dempsey won't fit in the car," she goes on to say. I still don't really know he is, but I'm assuming from that comment he's probably an incomparable visual improvement on Robert Kubica.

Also, as she's been so nice to Patty, she requests that I say something nice about the Creation cars. Well, according to live timing, there's only one Creation, but it's running well in 24th, and, erm, I don't think it's been on screen yet. Oh, actually, it was when Vanina Ickx binned it earlier on. But in the interests of being nice, we'll gloss over that.

Timo Bernhard, he of the #3 Audi in pieces in the pits, has a face on him like a wet sandwich. I don't think he's enjoying the race.

6hrs 50mins - Luhr has been denied the chance to rejoin by the marshals. So we have one Audi left. Kristensen is 90 seconds or so behind Wurz in the fight at the front, and Anthony Davidson is quietly working his #008 Aston into contention. That car is third, a lap behind, but still running strongly. The Pescarolo Peugeot, which was involved in that pit lane collision in the first hour, is now back up to 4th. AND we've had another lead change in LMP2, as the Team Essex Porsche retakes the lead from the Team Goh car.

7hrs 20mins - It's all fell apart for the #008 car. I think I must have cursed it. It's hit a backmarker, and now has some mechanical issue, and they've slipped right down the leaderboard. Bourdais now up to third, ahead the Pescarolo Peugeot. The LMP2 fight is hotting up again. The Team Goh Porsche is just 30 seconds or so behind the class leading Team Essex car.

Alison's back to spread some light on Patrick Dempsey - "Dempsey appears in Gray's Anatomy as the doctor nicknamed McDreamy and was in Sweet home Alabama, both of which probably appeal to the "gentler sex". He was also in Scream 3, not too sure WHO that appeals to." I wasn't even aware they'd made a Scream 3. Hang on, there's more: "Dempsey enjoys auto racing in his spare time, having driven the pace car in the Indy 500, and raced in the Rolex 24 at Daytona. He is currently the co-owner of Indy team Vision Racing." That sounds suspiciously like a copy and pasted Wikipedia entry, if I'm being cynical. But still, consider me educated, and just for you, here's a photo of him holding some babies (I assume they're his).

7hrs 35mins - It's not all Patrick Dempsey chat though: "On a more serious note, Luhr? Denied by the race director - bet I know what nationality he is!" Yes, Luhr has indeed been thrown out of the race for not being French, which is a bit of a shame. Though realistically, that car was such a wreck, they were pretty much out of the race anyway. Marc Gene is now in the #9 car, and leads comfortably from Kristensen.

7hrs 50mins - More drama! The #1 Audi is in the garage from second place. Mechanics are polishing the headlights vigorously, but I doubt that's the reason it came in. I'd tell you what the commentators reckon the problem is, but I've lost sound, so I'm exposed and alone. It's properly dark now. Oh, the #1 car is back out again, maybe they did just want to polish the headlights.

8hrs 15mins - More issues for the #8 Peugeot, it needs a change of front, and the old one is refusing to come off. This could give the second place back to the #1 Audi, which is back out but over a lap behind the leading car.

8hrs 25mins - There may be a big gap in the overall lead, but the classes are all nice and close. The #82 Ferrari leads GT2 by less than a lap from the #92 Ferrari, There is around 90 seconds between the two works Corvettes in GT1, and in LMP2, the Team Goh Porsche is now only 30 seconds or so behind the similar Team Essex car. Alas, I've lost my e-mailer, Alison signs off: "I am off to bed. Hope the Lolas last the night and of course the Creation!" The Creation is now 21st, which is 16th in class. So not too shabby. The Relentless car that I mentioned ages ago is the #23 Strakka Racing Ginetta, which is way down in 27th. Come on Team Relentless!

8hrs 30mins - Ah boo. Team Relentless gets a stop and go penalty for speeding in the pit lane. The Creation gets some screen time, with Ickx jumping out and handing it over to Romain Iannetta. Which is nice. The #1 Audi is indeed back up to second after the #8 Peugeot's pit issues.

8hrs 50mins - Whispers about that there might be rain on the way, which will shake things up. The #5 LMP2 Porsche just had front end change problems of it's own, and it has dropped way off the class leading Team Essex entry. Something that I missed was a nasty crash for Patrice Goueslard in the #72 privateer GT1 Chevrolet. That has become our fifth official retirement, and means we've only got four GT1 cars left.

8hrs 55mins - Some heroic rebuilding work in the pits. The Radical that was pitched into the wall back at the 4 hour 40 mins mark has been put back together and is preparing to return to the track. Some proper Kwik Fitting has happened down there. Sadly, the car is way down in 52nd place.

9hrs 05mins - Haha. There's a good two minutes where all the Eurosport commentators just chat about their microphone settings, not realising they're back on air. Australiasdavidbrabham has taken over the lead car now, and Patrick Pilet is turfed off the track by one of the big bullying prototypes in the #76 Porsche GT2, but manages to recover.

9hrs 15mins - Rumours that Stuart Hall, who was the Aston driver who bumped the Radical off earlier, has been excluded from driving in the rest of this race, which seems a little harsh.

10hrs 00mins - F1 hopeful Bruno Senna had a big off, shattering the left side of his Oreca AIM, but the mechanics get the car repaired and out again inside half an hour. Good stuff. The LMP2 battle has opened right out after problems for the #5 car. Team Essex now leads by nearly three laps.

10hrs 10mins - The Relentless is starting to work it's magic now we've moved into Sunday. In the commentary box, they're really scraping the barrel now. There's some plummy-voiced old English guy and an American historian guy to take us through the next few hours. They're ignoring the race almost entirely to talk about the past. Help me!

10hrs 20mins - Stuart Hall has indeed been excluded from racing again, leaving the #009 Aston with just two drivers, in the same boat as the #14 Kolles Racing Audi, which runs in sixth, but is still missing the injured Narain Karthikeyan. Plenty of chat in the commentary box about the dangerous nature of two drivers trying to share the workload of three. McNish has pitted from second, and is now only 12 seconds ahead of the third place #8 Peugeot, while the #7 Peugeot has crept back into the top ten in 10th.

10hrs 30mins - McNish responds to the #8 Peugeot by upping his pace. The gap remains stable at 12 seconds. Oh, and now it'll be a bit more than 12 seconds, as the #8 car pits.

11hrs 30mins - A technical glitch knocks out my TV feed for a good hour, joy. Wurz still holds the lead in the #9 car, and the #8 has moved back to second place from the #1 Audi. Lengthy pit stop for the Creation has seen it fall to 35th.

12hrs 40mins - The GT2 class continues to be the closest fight. And it's rapidly becoming a Ferrari benefit. The #82 Fezza still leads by under a lap from the #92 Fezza, with the #97 Fezza now third in class. The IMSA Porsche, which has been bunted off by half the prototype field in the darkness, has dropped to fourth. SO MANY AD BREAKS EUROSPORT.

12hrs 45mins - I'm informed that the way the Audi dropped to third was because it was forced to pit and clean out the front of their car for debris. It looks like, with this new R15 (and do please whisper it), Audi have built a bit of a dud. Or at least a car with too many glitches and not enough testing behind it. Recovery updates: TEAM RELENTLESS is 17th, the #009 Aston is 41st and the #3 Audi is 42nd.

Cars officially out - We've lost two GT2 Porsches, the #77 Felbermayr car stupidly ran out of fuel and the #70 IMSA car has disappeared too (IMWELLINFORMED). The GT1 Lambo did an incredible one lap, and the #72 GT1 Corvette had a massive crash. The LMP2 #40 Ginetta ran out of spare parts after it kept crashing, the #41 Zytek gave up. And the LMP1 #2 Audi crashed and was then refused the chance to limp back round to the pits. Phew. 47 of the 55 starters are still running as we enter the final 11(!) hours.

13hrs 05mins - Ouch. We have a safety car, because there's been an enormous accident for the #17 Pescarolo Peugeot. The car is a complete wreck, it's lost all four wheels, and that looks very nasty indeed. The driver (which is probably Benoit Treluyer) is moving inside the car, but he's taken a hefty hit.

13hrs 10mins - What a horrible way for the Pescarolo race to end. Henri Pescarolo will have to wait another year for his first Le Mans win as a team owner, and the medical teams are holding up screens around the car while they extract Treluyer. Which is never a good sign.

13hrs 20mins - Treluyer is moving in the car still, I think they're just being overly cautious to look after him here. Hopefully. The #1 Audi got back out, still in third, and the #7 Peugeot is in the pits for a very long repair job, and is slipping back down the leaderboard after having got back into the top ten.

13hrs 30mins - They've got Treluyer out of the car and he's off to the medical centre, so here's hoping for some good news from there. The #1 has been in again for a quick check-over, as has the now-4th placed #007 Lola Aston. The GT2 Aston Martin is in the pit garage and in pieces, which is ruining it's race even further.

13hrs 45mins - When we get racing again, the fight for 6th place will be the one to watch. Olivier Panis holds the position in the #11 Oreca, some 5 seconds ahead of the #16 Pescarolo Judd with Joao Barbosa at the wheel and 12 seconds ahead of the #15 Kolles Audi of Giorgio Mondini. 12 seconds separating 3 cars after nearly 14 hours of racing. Mental.

13hrs 55mins - Racing again, after that lengthy caution period. The #30 Racing Box Lola is in the pits for a check up after Matteo Bobbi managed to spin it behind the safety car. A really boring discussion about the sound of diesel cars is raging in the Eurosport commentary box. "Noise and smell is all part of the experience," says Martin Haven, somewhat disgustingly.

14hrs 00mins - They've finally bolted the GT2 Drayson Aston Martin back together, and away it goes. Martin Haven is going a bit perculiar. In the last few minutes he's impersonated an American gospel preacher, and said "you're feeling sleepy..." in a scary voice at some guy who had the temerity to text in saying that he was still awake and watching the race. I'm making none of that up.

Good news - Trelyuer has "no major injuries", according to initial reports from the hospital. Very good news, when you consider the sight of what was left of that #17 car. In the fight for 6th, the #16 Pescarolo is now right with Olivier Panis's #11 Oreca. Oh, and we have another Safety Car. No idea why.

14hrs 20mins - Still not sure why this safety car is out. Meanwhile, the #35 Pescarolo LMP2 car leaves it's pit spot with flames belching out the back. The fire goes out, but there are clouds of smoke coming out of the back of that car, and it's going to endear itself to the rest of the field by dumping a load of oil around the track. Good work, idiots. Dawn is breaking, both outside Patty HQ and over Le Mans.

14hrs 45mins - Oh dear. As the SC pulls in, the Team Relentless car has a spin coming out of the final corner, and spends a good few minutes naffing around trying to get the car going again. I really know how to pick them, don't I. Pit stops behind the safety car has changed the order in the battle for 6th. The #15 Kolles Audi now leads by 1.7 seconds from the #16 Pescarolo and by 4.2 seconds from the #1 Oreca.

15hrs 25mins - And now big problems for Kolles. The #14 and #15 cars both make lengthy trips to the pits, and have dropped to 8th and 10th. The #11 Oreca, from left field, is now up to 5th.

15hrs 45mins - Andre Lotterer, in the #14 Kolles, is now down to 9th, as the recovering #008 Aston makes a place on it. The #15 car drops out of the top ten as it emerges from the pits, with the #7 Peugeot replacing it. A shame for the Kolles team, who could have been a dark horse for a podium before all of this. Whether privateer or works car, it hasn't been Audi's year at Le Mans (up to now, anyway). The #10 Oreca (that of Bruno Senna) is as good as retired, in the garage and in so much disrepair, it looks like the mechanics are larking about with a big Meccano set.

16hrs 00mins - EIGHT HOURS TO GO! I FEEL AWFUL! The 3rd placed LMP2 Lola is in the pits having an alternator changed. Apparently. They may as well be installing a power shower as far as my rudimentary engineering knowledge goes.

16hrs 15mins - Australiasdavidbrabham takes over the lead car from Marc Gene. Liz Halliday has returned to the commentary box. According to her official website (yes, ok, I just wanted to see what she looked like, so sue me) she's a sportscar driver and a three day eventer. So she likes horsepower and horse power then. Oh God, I can't believe I've just typed that, much less that I'm actually putting it in the MBM. The cameras focus on a mechanic dozing in the pits, who promptly wakes up and sticks up two fingers to the camera. Charming.

16hrs 35mins - The woes continue for the GT2 Porsche ranks. The #80 Flying Lizard car is officially retired, apparently having had a big crash back around an hour ago, which we didn't see. 44 cars remain from the 55 starters. I'm now having a bag of crisps and a triple-strong coffee, which is laughably passing as breakfast in the unending glamour that is my life.

16hrs 45mins - The Speedy LMP2 Lola was so badly delayed in the pits, it has now dropped behind the GT1 Corvettes, and is only one lap ahead of the similar Lola of RML, in the fight for the final podium spot in LMP2, and the battle to be best of the rest behind the dominant Porsche Spyders. The Eurosport pit lady interviewer has woken up and gone back to work, and she gets official confirmation from Henri Pescarolo that Benoit Trelyuer is perfectly ok despite that massive night time shunt.

16hrs 50mins - More problems for the #008 Lola Aston Martin, in the garage and set for some lengthy repair work to the rear end by the looks of it. That car is four laps inside the top ten, so if they want to keep in the prestigious places, they need to be quick about it. Who remembers the guys who finish 11th, eh?

16hrs 55mins - Both the leaders pit and the gap is now 40 seconds. Though I don't think that can be right. The #35 Pescarolo which set itself on fire a while ago is on fire again in the pits, and it looks like that's the end of the race for them. Matthieu Lahaye gets out the car with an admirable slowness, given the flames and extinguishant spilling about just behind him.

17hrs 05mins - Ok, that's more like it. The gap is 1:28.944. Montagny seems to have more pace than Brabham at the moment, but will the Peugeot team be happy letting their guys race, knowing that they're only a couple of errors away from gifting the race to the third placed Audi? Team Relentless are still going, and are up in 16th place. Woo!

And drama in GT2! The second place #92 Ferrari has had a big spin in the hands of Rob Bell. Lord knows where he is, he's down an escape road somewhere. Bad news for the JMW Motorsport team, who had managed to wrest that second from the BMS Scuderia Ferrari just recently.

17hrs 35mins - Brabham has been in the pits again! (I think!) And the gap between the top two is down to just 15 or so seconds! Nightmare few laps for the Lola Astons. The privateer Speedy Racing car spins ino a gravel trap, and then the #008 car tours into the pits. Oh dear, oh dear. The #8 Peugeot stops chasing down the leader for a bit when it pits, and Montagny gets out, Sarrazin gets in.

17hrs 55mins - Sarrazin isn't able to keep pace with Brabham in the way Montagny did, and the lead has grown substantially. Tom Kristensen has been in that #1 Audi for aaaaaaaages, but is impotent in the face of the Peugeot charge, really. The GT1 fight, which has been flip-flopping around all through the night, is the closest lead battle now. The #63 Corvette is just over a minute ahead of the #64 car, with Antonio Garcia preparing to take over from Johnny O'Connell in the leading car.

18hrs 00mins - SIX HOURS TO GO! And my e-mail buddy Alison is back. "Hubby and number one child tell me they watched the Pescarolo destroy itself .. they say it was very nasty and they were amazed that Treluyer wasn't badly hurt. Too much alcohol then took over and they missed the next three hours." Jealousy, thy name is The Head. Still, nice to have you back with us. You may well be the only person still reading this. Anyone care to prove me wrong?

18hrs 10mins - Mark Cole returns to the commentary box, bragging about his "flying Bavarian breakfast". Pah, it's no bag of crisps and can of Relentless, Mark. Verstappen in the #008 is scything his way through the GT1 pack (which is a laughable way to describe two cars), he's passed the #64 Corvette, and is under 90 seconds behind the 13th placed #63 car. More retirements I may have missed/forgotton: The Radical that got nobbled by Stuart Hall has sadly called it a day despite the manful repair job they did on it, the #30 Racing Box LMP2 Lola is out as well, as is the Farnbacher GT2 Ferrari. 40 cars of the 55 starters remain as we head into the final quarter of this interminable race.

18hrs 15mins - The #1 Audi car is pushed into the garage from third place. Looks like it may just be another attempt to shift debris from inside all the various ducts and holes in that car. That sole remaining Audi is two laps adrift of the leader, and is losing time on every lap, and with every one of those stops to clean the car up. It's safe to say that this race is now (and has been for a while) Peugeot's to lose.

18hrs 30mins - Driver change time at the front. McNish took over the #1 Audi during that last garage visit, and then Wurz takes over the race leading Pug from Australiasdavidbrabham. That brings the gap down to less than 20 seconds, but that grows again as the #8 car pits. Having said that, Sarrazin stays in the car and they only refuel the car, no new tyres, but the overall gap is back at 89 seconds.

18hrs 35mins - I tell you who's done a cracking job, Charles Zwolsman and Andre Lotterer in the #14 Kolles Audi R10. They lost Narain Karthikeyan before the start with an injured shoulder, and so are doing this race in an old-fashioned two driver style. And they're running in 6th. Those two are going to be absolutely crackered come the end of the race.

The Foot - "Indeed, a sterling effort by those two. They'll be almost as tired as The Head!"

Safety Car - Oh blimey, one of the Lola Aston Martins has absolutely wonked the tyre barrier, and the safety car is out for the fourth time. Not sure which Aston that is. Nigel Mansell is now in the commentary box. Mercifully, just as he's about to open his stupid dull mouth, my stream dies.

18hrs 45mins - It's the #009 Aston that's gone off, that car was nowhere anyway. Pretty much written-off, and Harold Primat extricates himself from the car to relieved applause from the crowd. That leaves us with 39 runners, although of those, the #75 Endurance Asia Porsche GT2 has been sitting in the pits for the best part of three hours.

Dave Richards - Blames the crash on the stewards for excluding Stuart Hall from driving in that car. Primat was feeling pretty knackered when he went out for that stint, apparently.

18hrs 50mins - Christian Bakkerud in the #15 Kolles car has just done a Button and stuffed his car in the wall behind the pace car. He's push started by the marshals, but the car is crabbing to one side and looks a bit knackered. I thought we'd gone racing again while he was busy cocking up, but only one of the two safety cars has pulled in. So I think we're still under caution. Or half under caution. Or something.

We have gone green - Which is dumb, and almost disastrous when the pack meets the crawling #15 car round the back of the circuit. The GT2 Drayson Aston Martin so nearly just collects the slow Audi as it pulls out of another car's slipstream.

19hrs 00mins - Bakkerud gets back to the pits for repairs. And the #3 Audi is back in the gravel. Romain Dumas beaches it in the same gravel trap Premat went into earlier, and that team must be ready to give up, they're down in 27th. THERE'S BEEN A LEAD CHANGE IN GT1! Don't know how, when or where, but the #64 Corvette of Olivier Beretta is 0.512(!) seconds(!) ahead of the sister car of Antonio Garcia. He must have taken his chance at the restart.

19hrs 15mins - Woo! We get a shot from foxy spectator cam! More of her plz. A Ferrari GT2 just shed a wheel rather unceremoniously, that's gone a bit wrong. The #3 Audi is back in the pits and back in the garage. Oh dear. The lead at the front is out to 1 minute and 50 seconds, and the #9 Peugeot is looking comfortable enough now.

19hrs 25mins - The GT1 battle is absolutely fantastic. We're, well, 19 hours and 25 minutes into the race, and Beretta leads Garcia by 1.8 seconds. The pair of them are seven laps clear of the third place #73 Alphand car. And now Beretta pits, and Garcia takes the lead!

19hrs 35mins - All the attrition at the front means the LMP2 leader, the #31 Team Essex Porsche Spyder, is now in the top ten, which is nice for them. The #7 Peugeot continues it's recovery drive, up in 9th place. Rain is still probable before the end of the race. Oh, and the #3 Audi has been off again. Premat again. What a rubbish day they've had.

19hrs 45mins - The #63 Chevrolet has pitted, and they changed driver, with Johnny O'Connell taking over from Garcia. That has put them back behind the #64 car, but only 12 seconds separate them as we approach the final four hours. The drama.

One last push by Allan McNish and Audi. He's the fastest man on track right now by a good four seconds a lap, and he unlaps himself from the second placed #8 Peugeot. You get the feeling that if the Pugs felt in danger though, they could easily go quicker than the 3:30s they're doing now.

20hrs 00mins - Meanwhile, back in GT2, the last hope of a Porsche challenge has wilted. The #76 car has had some sort of a problem, and has dropped way down the order, leaving a Ferrari 1-2-3-4-5 at the head of the order. That's got to hurt.

20hrs 10mins - In LMP2, the RML Lola has officially been retired. That joins the rest of the cars behind the wall, and we now have 38 of 55 cars still running. Problems for the LMP1 Creation, sadly for our reader, it's in the pits again and is down in 29th place, last of the LMP1 cars still in the race. With all the Porsche issues in GT2, the little Spyker is best of the rest behind the Ferraris, in 6th place.

20hrs 30mins - The #1 Audi comes in for a driver change and another cleanup. McNish was quickest of the top three during his long stint, but it's all academic in the grand scheme of things. The #63 has re-established the lead in GT1 after the #64 car pitted to change driver. Marcel Fassler now at the wheel of that one. I feel like I'm floating.

Game over for Audi - The cleanup is taking ages on this #1 car, looks like there might be something more chronic wrong with that car. And this is any glimpse of a hope of a race win surely gone. Capello is now 4 laps behind the leading Peugeots, and the team are going to be more worried about holding off the #007 Aston for 3rd than challenging for the win. Big disappointment for the marque that has dominated Le Mans for the whole decade, and now it's just a question of which Peugeot will win. Wurz in the #9 is nearly a lap clear of Sarrazin in the #8. Pedro Lamy has got the recovering #7 Pug up to 6th.

20hrs 50mins - Capello gets going in the #1, and promptly spins. That car is now 6 laps behind the leaders, and only 2 laps ahead of the #007 Aston Martin. Even a podium for Audi is by no means secure. And the GT1 fight is STILL going on, as Fassler slings the #64 past the #63! Incredible stuff. There were only 6 cars in this class, half of those had their races ruined before the halfway stage, but these two works Corvettes have been the best thing to watch on track for most of the last few hours.

20hrs 55mins - There's also been issues for the GT2 #92 Ferrari, which hit something hefty and is in the pits getting repairs. They've dropped down to 5th in class, and if they're in the pits for another two laps, the Spyker will be past to shatter hopes of a Ferrari top 5 clean sweep.

21hrs 05mins - Patrick Dempsey update: He's about to get back in the #81 Ferrari, which is still running and looking good for a finish. It's pace has been nowhere, but thanks to steady reliability, it's currently 32nd overall, and 9th in class.

21hrs 15mins - News that I've found (stolen) from elsewhere is that Peugeot's cars are not racing each other. So assuming no mechanical gremlins, the #9 car is on course for a comfortable win. Best scraps on track at the moment are for 7th between the #13 Lola and the #14 Kolles Audi, 40 seconds between them, and the 11th placed #15 Kolles car is about to take 10th from the slower, class leading LMP2 Porsche. 4.5 seconds is the massive gap between the top two in GT1. The #82 Risi Ferrari is murdering GT2, it's 2 laps clear of it's nearest rival.

21hrs 30mins - TEAM RELENTLESS IS STILL RUNNING! Yes, only in 23rd, yes they're 52 laps down, but they're STILL RUNNING! I LOVE RELENTLESS!

21hrs 45mins - Oh no! The #64 Corvette has ground to a halt, right at the entry to the pit lane. Another car out of fuel? Either way, that will likely decide this epic internecine battle for the class win in favour of the #63 machine. Giorgio Mondini in the #15 Kolles Audi has finally got past the LMP2 leader to take a top ten place.

This is heartbreaking - For the Corvette guys. The car is being parked at the end of the pits, not being allowed to be pushed to his grid slot by the marshals. The mechanics are rushing over to it to see what they can do. The win is gone, and now it looks like they're not even going to make the finish. Such a shame.

21hrs 55mins - So the Chevy is out, transmission issues the official excuse. And the GT2 Aston Martin has ground to a halt as well, out on track! They're dropping like flies! Sebastien Bourdais has the gap to the leader down to 46 seconds, but that's because Gene just pitted the leading #9 car.

22hrs 00mins - TWO HOURS TO GO! Why do Eurosport go to so many ad breaks when they have NO ADVERTS TO SHOW. It's just "We're off to a break"...ad bumper....ad bumper....ad bumper....massive plug of their Le Mans coverage WHICH I'M ALREADY WATCHING....ad bumper....ad bumper....ad bumper...."Welcome back to Le Mans...". IT MAKES NO SENSE.

22hrs 20mins - Hearbreak Hotel is well and truly open for business. Following the calamities for the Chevy and the Aston, the Speedy Sebah Lola has stopped at the side of the track, and it looks like that won't be making the finish. Having said that, it has got going, and has crawled into the pits, but a top ten finish may be shot for that team now. The gap at the front is normalised, and overall the order is looking pretty much set as we enter the closing stages.

22hrs 30mins - Problems as well for the #78 Ferrari in GT2. They have pitted with a lack of power, and will lose their podium place to the #83 Risi car. That Spyker is still going in 6th, and it could get a top 5 out of this, which would be a cracking result. The only two GT2 Porsches left are both in the pits. The #75 Endurance Asia machine is an improbable 175 laps down, and even if it comes out to take the flag, will not be classified.

22hrs 40mins - The hotel is filling up! The #008 Aston Martin is chucking smoke out of the back, and Darren Turner tours into the pits for some emergency repairs. That car is 13th and out of it, but Aston will be glad that this car is suffering another problem rather than the 4th placed #007 one.

22hrs 45mins - Blimey. An enormous accident for the #5 LMP2 Porsche. Seiji Ara has lost control going into the Mulsanne chicane and ploughed through the tyre barriers. Safety car out once again.

22hrs 50mins - Ara is mercifully perfectly fine. We've had a few nasty crashes today, but thankfully every driver has walked away, save for Treluyer, but he's ok, just got taken away on a stretcher as a precaution. OH! And now the Kruse-Schiller Lola LMP2 car has stopped, and there's flames coming out from underneath it, while Hideki Noda gets a chargrilled backside sitting in the car. This is turning into amateur hour.

23hrs 00mins - Into the final hour! Noda has got the Lola LMP2 back to the pits, despite it being full of extinguishant, but there's no way that's going anywhere, and they're out. I make that maybe 34 cars left? Or 33? Or something?

The Foot - "It's just a little burnt, it's still good, it's still good!"

23hrs 05mins - Poor Hideki Noda is almost in tears apologising for the car breaking down so close to the end. That was quite emotional. Not sure it was his fault it set itself on fire to be fair to the guy.

23hrs 15mins - The dual safety car thing has ruined any hope of a close finish, because the two Peugeots are on opposite sides of the track. Patrick Dempsey is collared by hot French lady interviewer girl and platitudes his way through an interview.

23hrs 25mins - After Noda's tears, I'm feeling quite emotional myself right now. I'm actually going to make it, I've done the 24 hours. My blood has turned to coffee, I've eaten nothing but crisps for my last three meals, and I'm finding it hard to focus, much less type, but the end is in sight. I am on a higher level, I am floating, I am zen, I am the race, I am the MBM, I am peace.

23hrs 35mins - Oh my. Oh my oh my oh my. The #9 Peugeot is touring. It's touring! Is it going to finish the race? He's got six laps on the third placed Audi, this could be nailbiting.

23hrs 38mins - As the Pug of Bourdais trundles onwards, a flurry of e-mails (two!) have hit my inbox. Alison explains her lack of e-mailing, she's had a power cut: "But the power is back, Eurosport coverage is behaving properly and you obviously now know who Patrick Dempsey is- don't say that staying up all night was wasted!" It certainly wasn't. I think I've learned so much in this last 24 hours, not least to never attempt this madness ever again. Meanwhile, the mysterious 'Jamie Redknapp' from our Indy 500 coverage asks: "Kudos to The Foot for the fantastic Simpsons reference at the 23 hour mark, You're all a bunch of TV geeks over at Patty aren't you?" 'Jamie', I've just spent 24 hours of my life watching a sportscar race and transcribing descriptions of what is happening onto a website. TV geekery is a dot to me.

23hrs 40mins - Oh I see. It was a simple lampooning. Bourdais was slowing just to line up the three Peugeots for a photo finish. They're touring in formation now, with a 1-2-6 on the cards, which isn't quite perfect, but you can't have everything. Surreally, the GT1 leading Corvette is in the pits to have some sort of special paint job applied to the car.

23hrs 45mins - No real battles now, but here's the Corvette! Have they sorted the paint job out? I don't know because the cameras are focusing on something completely different, namely a similar, but less impressive, formation finish being set up by Aston Martin. Fourth place for the #007 car looks on the cards, with the #008 car in 15th after plenty of troubles. I doubt the Audi squad will be lining up a formation finish for their 3rd and 17th. They've had better finishes here.

23hrs 50mins - Ten minutes to go then, the partizan French crowd have all been handed little crap-looking Peugeot flag to wave in order to try and manufacture some excitement.

23hrs 53mins - The #13 Speedy Racing Lola is still in the pits. My rudimentary Le Mans knowledge tells me that they need to be on the track and cross the line at the end to be counted as a finisher, so they haven't got long to fix it. That #75 Porsche is still in the pits, but it's 195 laps behind and is, frankly, an irrelevance.

23hrs 55mins - Oh, the #75 Porsche is actually on track, albiet crawling around. It needs to do 70% of the race distance to be classified, I think, so I'm not sure why they're bothering. Audi are doing a formation finish after all, though I doubt they'll want to remember this race in a hurry.

23hrs 58mins - The three Pugs cross the line to begin the final lap of the 2009 Le Mans 24 Hours! France awaits the mother of all parties!

FINISH! - THE MARC GENE/DAVID BRABHAM/ALEX WURZ #9 PEUGEOT WINS THE 2009 LE MANS 24 HOURS!

14.00 BST - There's a bizarre collection of track marshals waving flags like a formation group of semaphore enthusiasts at the side of the track as the #9 Pug takes the win. Cracking stuff.

14.05 BST - The #9 Peugeot first, the #8 car second, then the #1 Audi, well beaten this year, the #007 Aston Martin takes fourth and the #11 Oreca AIM takes 5th.

LMP2 is won by the #31 Team Essex Porsche Spyder, the #63 Corvette, with their natty new paint job, wins in GT1 and the #82 Risi Competizione Ferrari F430 takes the win in GT2. That was truly epic, in every sense of the word.

14.10 BST - So, the drivers come out onto a very crowded podium. The Audi men are being very magnanimous in defeat, congratulating the Peugeot boys. They thought they had a chance with the new Audi R15 today, but they were simply never in with a shout.

To celebrate the win for the Aussie, the Austrian and the Spaniard, we listen to La Marseillaise.

Right then - We're done here. Congratulations to Peugeot, and to Team Essex, Chevrolet and Risi Competizione as well. Quick shout out to TEAM RELENTLESS (21st) and the Creation (24th), and a thank you to you hardy folk that have been reading along to my increasingly disturbed ramblings, and e-mailing me comments, abuse, support and information about Patrick Dempsey. I'm off for a lie down and a can of daddy's special fizzy pop.

My name is The Head, and that was the longest day of my life.