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May 23rd
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Silly Season Report #2

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Just when it seemed that silly season couldn't cram much more silliness up it's jumper even if it wanted to, the recent announcement that BMW are sodding off at the end of this year, a decision only 99% down to the performance level of the F1.09, has added an entirely new dimension to the list of potential driver transfers.

While the hope still is that The Artists Formerly Known As BMW Sauber(TM) will still be on the grid in some form next year, the chances of whatever shambolic form that team takes being able to hang onto their prized lead driver seem slim. And good old Bobby K, despite currently being outscored by Sebastien Buemi in the drivers’ standings in 2009, remains a driver with more than enough ability to get the big teams slicking their hair back and dousing themselves in Hi Karate aftershave in an effort to catch his eye.

The current clever money is on him sidling into a seat with Renault, as and when Fernando Alonso finally stops his endless cock-teasing of Ferrari and puts his name to a shiny-new Maranello-embossed contract. Though should Flavio Briatore manage to sit Alonso down, wrap his arms around him, present him with a bouquet of flowers hastily picked up from the all-night garage and convince him that in 2010, this time things will be different between them, Kubby will likely find himself with a Ferrari option all of his own. Thankfully, the Schumacher-to-return-full-time-in-2010 rumours are currently noticeable by their absence.

Assuming that Ferrari gain at least one new face for 2010, and assuming that Felipe Massa's bold Arnie-esque assertion that he'll be back prove correct, the end may finally be nigh for the great Kimi/Ferrari experiment, after one title and approximately 57 disinterested wanders to 6th place. Despite his astonishingly lacklustre performances of late though, Kimi will almost certainly have options to remain in the sport, with his old employers McLaren and suckers-for-a-man-with-huge-wage-demands Toyota likely to head the list. Alternatively, after proving his ability to drive a rally car quite fast before crashing it in the Rally Finland recently, he could decide to leave F1 altogether and immerse himself fully in the bobble-hat-and-thermos-of-tea universe of the World Rally Championship.

Nick Heidfeld, also ostensibly on the market for 2010 with BMW's departure, is making rather less waves in the rumour mills than his team mate, and his best chance of remaining in F1 may be to stay resolutely sat in the BMW garage while whichever billionaire buys them out wanders around changing the decor. Should that tactic fail, he may well hitch up his skirts and flash a bit of leg at Sir Frank Williams, hoping to secure a seat at his former employers should Williams mainstay Nico Rosberg complete a move into McLaren's invisible second car. Hopes of an unlikely return for portly F1 anti-hero Juan Pablo Montoya may have been briefly raised after the chunky NASCAR god tweeted about a phone call with Sir Frank, but he confirmed himself in between mouthfuls of cheeseburger that he was not looking to return to F1.

Nico may find competition for that second seat at McLaren coming from an unlikely source. In one of the more tenuous driver transfer rumours in living memory, the fact that Timo Glock has decided to move house in Germany, moving into a residence slightly closer to Mercedes HQ, is apparently cast iron proof that he will be hopping into an MP4-25 next year. Alternatively, Glock seems likely to have a better chance of staying on with Toyota next year, despite being largely rubbish this season compared to the 75-year-old Jarno Trulli, who may well find himself retiring to spend his time making bottles of cheap plonk from next year.

Meanwhile, the new F1 teams continue to flirt with unemployed drivers. Campos F1 look set to choose between Pedro de la Rosa and Marc Gene for one seat, which feels like something they've been threatening to do since 1997, while the "young gun" for their second seat will apparently come from a shortlist of GP2 miscreant Vitaly Petrov, famous surname Bruno Senna and pointless GP2 midfielders Sergio Perez and Karun Chandhok.

USF1 continue their vain search for a North American driver who can actually be arsed to go to F1 and drive slowly for a year or so. Danica Patrick has put her foot down and ruled out a move to F1, choosing instead to shout the word "NASCAR" a lot until someone offers her a lucrative new Indycar deal and Scottt Speed seems to be too interested in stock car racing to care about finishing 20th a lot. But Indycar starlets Graham Rahal, Marco Andretti and Ryan Hunter-Reay all remain in the frame. As an outside bet, the pointless International Formula Master series boasts the best-placed European-based American driver in Alex Rossi, but the best he will probably hope for is a test drive or two over the winter and a bit of assistance in getting a half-decent GP2 ride.

As for the virtually-silent lot at Manor Grand Prix, the rumour mill surrounding them has at least moved away from lazily listing British drivers in the DTM and hinted that A1GP champion Adam Carroll and baby-faced British F3 driver Max Chilton are in line for a drive with the team for 2010.

Finally, Nelson Piquet Jr remains confident of a place in F1 next year, despite his epic number of shortcomings. This will be entirely dependant on his father buying up the remains of BMW. Which is entirely dependant on precisely how much more money than sense Piquet Sr is in possession of.

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thehand
Good analysis. It'll be a fierce battle for 26th place if Andretti and Chilton worm their way onto the grid. Bring it on. smilies/cheesy.gif
thehand , August 11, 2009 | url

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