Singapore hosted the second night race of it's lifetime, but this time no contrived safety car antics could make the race diverting. Still, Fifth Column once again endeavours to provide you with some nonsense and TUF1WCIAWCC to keep you happy.
Sebastien Buemi - Rookie of the Year
"NOOOOOOOOOO! I have bad race in the Singapore. It makes me so sad. I was happy in the qualifying, and I beat my team mate again, but I tell him that he is young and there is still time for him to get better. He just get angry and say I am being 'patronising'. I don't understand! Then, in the race, I suddenly realise that I am ahead of Mr Raikkonen, which doesn't seem right. So I let him past because he is such a nice guy. But then the team tell me they are giving up on this race, and me and Jamie are pitting! Disaster. Then, after the race, I try to find some dinner, but all the restaurants are shut! It is too late, you see! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The Diary of an F1 Conspiracy Theorist (Aged 36 1/2)
I don't see why everyone is acting so surprised over Fixgate, after all, I've been proving that F1 (which stands for Ferrari 1 in my eyes) is corrupt and full of cheating for years. And again, the whole Fixgate affair reeks of Ferrari cheating. You know what I mean, disgraced Renault team, leading to an unhappy Alonso, leading to a transfer to...you guessed it, Ferrari! Why, when the facts are so obvious, do people never listen to me? Never mind, while there are still message board fights and blogging arguments to be had, I'll keep fighting the good fight! Onwards to the truth!!!
Not The F1 Newswire - The headline you probably won't read next week
Button says he will "refuse to accept title"
Current championship leader Jenson Button has said that he will refuse to collect his drivers title award should he be crowned champion at the end of the season, and has urged his team mate Rubens Barrichello to make the same commitment. Button and Barrichello had another underwhelming weeked in Singapore, and Button said that he would be far too embarrassed to actual claim to be the world champion. "God, we've been awful haven't we," Button admitted to the media after the Singapore race, "There's not a chance in hell that either me or Rubens have been the best drivers this season, so I've made the decision that should I win, I'll basically ask everyone to keep quiet about it and hopefully we'll just be able to forget that any of this ever happened. Hopefully Rubens will join me in helping to sweep this whole farce under the carpet, for the good of the sport in general."
Life at Ferrari with Giancarlo Fisichella
"I am so so happy to be part of the Ferrari team this season. It is a dream come true for me, an Italian, to drive the most famous of all Italian cars. And the hospitality here with the Scuderia is so much better than I was used to with Force India. The coffee machine in the motorhome, for example, is a state-of-the-art bit of kit. I'm not really sure of the controls though, it's a very different coffee-making experience than I've been used to, so I take my time and the coffee sometimes comes out a bit weak, but it is ok. Stefano tells me it is much better than the coffee Badoer used to make, so that is all that matters."
Eddie and David - The original Odd Couple
David: Hi there Eddie, you ready for the BBC broadcast today?
Eddie: I think you know that I'm always ready, David.
David: That's good to h...hang on Eddie, you're in the white trousers.
Eddie: No I'm not, David.
David: Yes you are, they're right there! But it was my day to wear the white trousers. If we're both wearing them, we'll look ridiculous!
Eddie: Well, that's quite a blinkered view there David, and I'd have to disagree with that.
David: You need to go and get changed, quick!
Eddie: No, I don't think so, David. I've worn what I like for every day of my life. Even at Spa 1998. Did I ever tell you about that David?
*David rolls eyes and stalks off to change*
The Unofficial F1 World Championship In Association With Celtic Crosses 2009
| Points for Singapore | |||
| Pos | Driver/Team | Crosses | Reason |
| 1 | Timo Glock | 5 Celtic Crosses | His good race for the season |
| 2 | Toro Rosso | 4 Celtic Crosses | Formation retirements rock! |
| 3 | Fernando Alonso | 3 Celtic Crosses | Good, clean, non-cheaty podium |
| 4 | Adrian Sutil | 2 Celtic Crosses | Created the only real bit of excitement |
| 5 | Nico Rosberg | 1 Celtic Cross | A pity cross |
Review: All change at the top of TUF1WCIAWCC, as Fernando Alonso leaps to the front of the order following a non-cheaty podium, for as much as anyone could fathom. Meanwhile, Timo Glock jumps right into the middle of TUF1WCIAWCC title scrap, moving into joint second place with 2007 champion Nico Rosberg. Toro Rosso's unique approach to team tactics mean that they score solidly in the constructors championship.
| TUF1WCIAWCC 2009 Standings | ||
| Pos | Driver/Team/Thing | Crosses |
| 1 | Fernando Alonso | 14 |
| 2 | Nico Rosberg | 13 |
| Timo Glock | 13 | |
| 4 | Rubens Barrichello | 12 |
| 5 | Mark Webber | 11 |
| 6 | Sebastien Buemi | 10 1/2 |
| 7 | Luca Badoer | 10 |
| 8 | Red Bull | 9 |
| Nelson Piquet Jr | 9 | |
| Lewis Hamilton | 9 | |
| 11 | Robert Kubica | 7 |
| Felipe Massa | 7 | |
| Giancarlo Fisichella | 7 | |
| 14 | Jenson Button | 6 |
| Adrian Sutil | 6 | |
| 16 | Jarno Trulli | 5 |
| The BBC Coverage | 5 | |
| Kimi Raikkonen | 5 | |
| BMW Sauber | 5 | |
| Vitantonio Liuzzi | 5 | |
| Toyota | 5 | |
| 22 | Brawn GP | 4 |
| Jaime Alguersuari | 4 | |
| ITV | 4 | |
| Toro Rosso | 4 | |
| 26 | Sebastien Bourdais | 3 |
| Romain Grosjean | 3 | |
| 28 | Half points | 2 1/2 |
| 29 | Kazuki Nakajima | 2 |
| 30 | Heikki Kovalainen | 1 |
| Sebastian Vettel | 1 | |
| 32 | Ferrari | 1/2 |
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