The Belgian Grand Prix saw plenty of action and excitement, and more tarmac run-off areas than ever before. Fifth Column casts it's own inimitably shoddy funny bone across the weekend, including those all-important TUF1WCIAWCC standings.
The HRT Locker - No Cash, No Hope
Tonio: So, boss, how is the 2012 development work going?
Colin: Very well, yes.
Tonio: Really?
Colin: Yes. We have already worked out where the blank spaces on the car will be.
Tonio: For the sponsor names you mean?
Colin: No, I expect they will just be blank spaces.
Tonio: Oh, ok. Well at least I'll have a car to drive.
Colin: Well, you will yes, providing you meet our performance criteria.
Tonio: What performance criteria?
Colin: I'm glad you asked. How much money have you got?
Not The F1 Newswire - The headline you probably won't read next week
Renault deny Senna switch was motivated by money
The Lotus Renault GP team have denied that their decision to draft in Bruno Senna in place of Nick Heidfeld had been primarily motivated by money.
The team came under suspicion of having made the change simply in order to help drum up more money from fans during the Belgian GP weekend, after introducing a range of new Senna/JPS-themed merchandise for the Belgian weekend.
The new line of clothing, mousemats and the like reportedly sold 'bloody loads' according to a quote from one Spa merchandise vendor.
The news Senna-themed trinkets follow a report earlier this month which suggested that the last time a Nick Heidfeld-themed piece of merchandise was sold had been in early 2003.
But despite this, Renault team boss Eric Boullier denied there was a monetary motive behind the team's move.
"This is completely false," he chortled when asked about the money rumours, whilst lighting a cigar with a burning 50 Euro note, "We have gone with Bruno for his potential, nothing more."
Boullier was then seen driving off in a brand new sportscar, casually flinging wads of money out of the window for passers-by to squabble over while laughing dementedly.
Jonathan Legard's Unofficial Review of the Belgian GP
"Oh no! Lewis Hamilton! What on earth was going on there, there? He's gone up the hill and across the Sauber and into the wall, there. What a big blow for his twenty-eleven championship hopes, that's not what he would have wanted, there.
"And all the time Sebastian Vettel pushed his way on a charge to take another win. Is he going to be good enough? It certainly looks that way, and he beat Mark Webber again there. The Australian won't be happy with that. Or will he? I just don't know any more."
Overtakingwatch - The Overtaking Warning System
The Fifth Column OWS is designed to prepare and warn you of the possibility that you may see one car passing another car on the track during a grand prix.
Current Status: WHAT THE HELL IS WORSE THAN SEVERE?
Hope is dwindling in the war against overtaking, as the OWS can do little but try and warn people as soon as possible to take cover from overtaking's new carpet bombing tactics.
After the sort of overtaking blights that saw a geriatric German make up 19 places on Sunday in Belgium, and F1's second least-useless British driver making up ten spots of his own, the OWS cannot overstate the dangers we now face in Monza.
With the return of the double DRS zones for the race, coupled with Monza's slipstreaming history and the fact that this time the overtaking zones will actually be working properly, the Italian GP could feature even more dreaded overtaking than any other race so far.
Of course, there is a chance that the DRS will have naff-all effect with the skinny Monza wings, but if we can't make you panic, then what can we do?
Please take the warnings under advisement and make the necessary preparations to deal with the possibility of watching some overtaking.
Flogging a Dead Horse - Sky's Possible F1 2012 PR campaigns
The Unofficial F1 World Championship In Association With Celtic Crosses 2011
| Points for Belgium | |||
| Pos | Driver/Team | Crosses | Reason |
| 1 | Pastor Maldonado | 5 Celtic Crosses | We're scared as to what he'll do if we don't give him the win. |
| 2 | Michael Schumacher | 4 Celtic Crosses | 24th to 5th is pretty good tbf. |
| 3 | Mark Webber | 3 Celtic Crosses | Overtaking into Eau Rouge ftw. |
| 4 | Nico Rosberg | 2 Celtic Crosses | Led the race for a bit! |
| 5 | Sebastian Vettel | 1 Celtic Cross | Won the race and that. |
Review: A change in the lead in TUF1WCIAWCC, and after his sterling run from 24th to 5th, it is OAP Michael Schumacher who has now leaped to the top of the standings, as he aims to add his first TUF1WCIAWCC to his seven proper world titles.
Elsewhere, Pastor Maldonado mives up the table thanks to the culture of fear that he has managed to install around him, while Red Bull team mates Vettel and Webber are now locked together in the standings like the best buddies they are.
| TUF1WCIAWCC 2011 Standings | ||
| Pos | Driver/Team/Thing | Crosses |
| 1 | Michael Schumacher | 14 |
| 2 | Sebastien Buemi | 13 |
| 3 | Jenson Button | 12 |
| 4 | Kamui Kobayashi | 10 |
| Pastor Maldonado | 10 | |
| 6 | Fernando Alonso | 9 |
| Lewis Hamilton | 9 | |
| Felipe Massa | 9 | |
| 9 | Mark Webber | 8 |
| Sebastian Vettel | 8 | |
| 11 | Daniel Ricciardo | 7 |
| Nico Rosberg | 7 | |
| 13 | Vitaly Petrov | 5 |
| DRS Wings | 5 | |
| Pirelli | 5 | |
| Jaime Alguersuari | 5 | |
| Adrian Sutil | 5 | |
| Paul di Resta | 5 | |
| 19 | Hispania Racing | 4 |
| Race Stewards | 4 | |
| Istanbul Park | 4 | |
| Sergio Perez | 4 | |
| Vitantonio Liuzzi | 4 | |
| Red Bull | 4 | |
| Karun Chandhok | 4 | |
| 26 | Ickle Nick Heidfeld | 2 |
| Heikki Kovalainen | 2 | |
| The BBC | 2 |
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Subscribe to this comment's feedDouble Entries for Massa
Just wanted to comment to ask why Massa has two entries (9 points and 2 points). Does that mean he should have 11 total?
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Hummmm
), I can only assume The Head has seperated pre-Hungary 2009 and post-Hungary 2009 Massa's for your viewing pleasure. The post-Hungary Massa is the one down the bottom, obviously. 
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...
But because I'm nice(ish), I went back through and checked on Felolpe's scores. He's got:
- 1 cross in China. (Beat Crazy Nando.)
- 1 cross in Turkey (Overtook Schumacher for this weekend's 'lulz' award.)
- 4 crosses in Spain (Provided mess-ups aplenty to keep us entertained.)
- 3 crosses in Hungary (Finally outqualified Lolonso.)
So 9 crosses is the right figure. Weird ghostly extra Massa has been removed from the standings.
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