Prologue - Morning. Right then, this is it, for the Race of Champions in Beijing as well as for PatroniseF1's live MBM stuff in 2009. The Nations Cup yesterday was a hectic mix of crashed cars, spins, disasters, and the predictably harrowing result of Germany beating Great Britain to secure victory. But today, any pretence of teamwork and the like is gone. This is the time that the individual drivers will take on the rest of the field in order to finally find out who is the "champion of champions". Will the Germans dominate again? Will the Scandinavian rally contingent fight back? Will Mick Doohan complete a lap? We'll find out in the next three hours or so. 11.55 GMT - As anyone reading yesterday's Naions Cup will know, I've successfully come into this two-day event with almost know research into how it works at all. I'm assuming that, as there will be 20 drivers competing here today, we'll have more fun group stage stuff. As for my traditional Patty tip, thereby probably consigning whover I tip for a miserable first stage elimiation, I liked the look of the American driver Tanner Foust yesterday. He beat Michael Schumacher for christ's sake!
12.00 GMT - We're live! And Foust is on track first, racing against Emanuele Pirro, in a "qualifier", whatever that means. Foust wins, and he will move into the aforementioned group stage. This is all rather complicated. Next on track, Group A will get underway with Jenson Button taking on Tom Kristensen.
12.10 GMT - Button comfortably beats Kristensen in the opening heat, and Foust is now on track against Frenchman Guerlin Chicherit, and my tip for the top has absolutely destroyed the Frenchman here, winning by a country mile. A win apiece for Button and Foust, then.
12.20 GMT - Races coming thick and fast. I've barely got time to scoff my toastie in between updates. Foust vs Button is now on track, and it's ever so close. Button has the lead going into the final loop, but Foust fights back! He's ahead into the final turn, but Button has the faster outside line, and wins, just, by five hundredths of a second!
12.25 GMT - Kristensen now takes on Chicherit, two drivers who managed a crash apiece yesterday, andKristensen looks comfortably ahead at the halfway point. Well ahead, on the drive to the line, and OH! Chicherit has absolutely written-off his prototype Astra thingy in the wall at the final turn! Kristensen wins, but Chicherit has broken the right rear of his car. I think that means the Frenchman is out.
I think I've worked the format out now. We should have four groups of four, now the eliminators (that were barely televised) have whittled the 20 drivers down to 16. The top two from each group will go through to the knockout stages. So in this group, Button is through, Chicherit is out, and it will be a head-to-head between my tip Foust and Kristensen for the runner-up spot.
12.27 GMT - With a break in the action while Chicherit's shattered car is removed, some bloke on a motorbike comes out to do some tricks. He's sitting on the handlebars, looking backwards, and doing a burnout! And then ends with a somersault off his bike onto the ground! What a mad gentleman he is. Button vs Chicherit in the repaired XBows is next up, but this is a dead rubber, for all intents and purposes.
12.30 GMT - Predictably, Chicherit is a bit rubbish, and loses by miles from Button. So the F1 champ is through without losing a race, and Chicherit can watch the rest of the action with a glass of red and a sour look on his face from the sidelines.
12.35 GMT - So then, the first proper knockout heat for the day, and Foust is struggling here! Nearly hits the wall with his XBow, and Kristensen looks to be ahead. OH NO! Foust spins it! He keeps it going by turning his spin into a donut, but there's the Patty curse (and indeed the Eurosport curse, seeing as the commentators were also tipping him for big things) in full effect. Kristensen goes through with Button, and Foust is out.
12.40 GMT - Right then, Group B is underway, with Mattias Ekstrom taking on Andy Priaulx. Mick Doohan and Travis Pastrana also in this group. Ekstrom won the Race of Champions in 2006 and 2007, and must be among the favourites today, though his Team Scandinavia team went out in the group stages yesterday. Ekstrom beats Priaulx comfortably though. Doohan v Pastrana next up.
12.45 GMT - Doohan, winless from yesterday, is doing a bit better here against the American, and Pastrana again cocks up the final corner, just as he did in the semi final against Germany yesterday, and Doohan outdrags him to the line! What a result!
12.50 GMT - New cars for Ekstrom vs Pastrana, as the VW Scirocco cars that were apparently all wiped out by the Chinese drivers in Monday's ROC China have been repaired. Pastrana needs to win or face elimination, and is looking useful, but Ekstrom is just up by half a second at the midway point. Can the American pull it back? No he can't Ekstrom wins by a good couple of seconds, and that's the double former ROC champion through.
12.55 GMT - Priaulx now takes on Doohan, and if Mick can make it two wins, then he is through with Ekstrom. Doohan glances the barriers though, and Priaulx has the advantage at the halfway point, but then Priaulx goes a bit wide! Doohan fighting back then, can he nick it....no Priaulx just holds on. So Priaulx now faces the eliminated Pastrana, and Doohan faces the already-qualified Ekstrom, in the final heats.
13.00 GMT - Oh crikey. Doohan has rattled the barrier and bent the front suspension in the first few corners. He's, brilliantly, still trying to finish, despite the fact that his front right wheel is pointing sideways. And Ekstrom even laps him! So three wins out of three for the Swedish DTM man, and Doohan will need to sweat on the result of the final run. I did say Pastrana is out, but of course he's not quite. If he beats Priaulx, then three drivers would be tied on a single win, and it would come down to some sort of countback again.
13.05 GMT - Ok, Eurosport seem to have decided that Priaulx's do-or-die final heat is a good time to put Martin Haven in the passenger seat of his XBow and get him to shout a running commentary down his ear. Priaulx is slightly behind at the halfway stage, but Pastrana, possibly distracted by the fat bloke shouting in the other car, spins it at the next corner, and Priaulx coasts to victory. He goes through with Ekstrom, Pastrana and Doohan are out.
13.10 GMT - Right, deep breath, next group. Group C starts with Sebastian Vettel vs Mikko Hirvonen in ROC buggies. Chad Reed and Giniel de Villiers also in this group. Could be a close one, this first heat, but Hirvonen runs wide on the first tour and is slightly behind across the line for the first time, and can't pull it back. Vettel wins. Easy peasy.
13.15 GMT - Chad Reed vs Giniel de Villiers next up, and the Aussie motocross rider wins comfortably against the Paris-Dakar winner! Not much more to say about that.
13.25 GMT - Vettel up next against De Villiers, and the Abu Dhabi winner takes another win in a Ford WRC. Vettel says he'd love to drive the WRC in the forest, "but you need quite big balls for that!" Vettel now through, De Villiers is out.
13.30 GMT - So Hirvonen now against Reed, who needs to win to have any chance of making the quarter finals, Oh, and Reed makes an absolute muck of one of the hairpins, clunking the barrier and the kerbing, and Hirvonen leads at the midway point, and keeps that lead throughout the rest of the lap. So Reed must beat the seemingly unbeatable Vettel to keep his hopes alive.
13.35 GMT - What can Reed do then? Well, for a start, he can completely fluff up the start, giving him a bit of work against Vettel already. And across the line at halfway, Vettel is so far in front it's almost silly. In fact, where is Reed? He might have even crashed. He's disappeared. Very strange. Ah well, Vettel becomes our third 100% record man into the quarter finals, and Hirvonen can take second in the group with a win against De Villiers.
13.40 GMT - Oops. Not as it really matters because nobody's reading this, but I've just noticed I had The Elbow's e-mail address up as a contact. On the off chance that anyone did e-mail, could you re-send it to my actual address? K thx. Hugs.
13.45 GMT - Hirvonen gets a better start in this one, and De Villiers, who still has a bit of a chance of going through, is struggling. Massive advantage in the closing stages for the Finn, and he wins by almost literally miles. So it's Hirvonen and Vettel through from Group C. The group of death is next up, with Michael Schumacher, David Coulthard, Yvan Muller and Marcus Gronholm fighting it out for the last two quarter final spots.
13.50 GMT - Schumie vs DC is the first race then, and they both gun it off the line! If this was a re-run of the 2001 F1 championship battle, Schumie should win by miles and DC should get stuck behind Enrique Bernoldi halfway around. But DC is holding his own at the moment...and it's neck and neck across the line at the midway point! Coulthard running it out to the barriers, and they're still together as they go through the crossover! Final part of the lap, Schumacher looking neat, and Schumie has it! And he's extended a decent gap there at the end.
13.55 GMT - Gronholm vs Muller next up then, ice racer vs rally driver, and Muller has already lost his French flag off the top of the car. Muller leads at the halfway stage, and Gronholm is struggling. Muller takes a comfortable win, and he faces Schumie in the next race.
14.00 GMT - Schumie looking pretty comfortable in this one. He's never won the proper Race of Champions even despite dominating the Nations Cup with Vettel, but he really is looking smart this year. Muller's certainly got no answer to him, and Schumie takes another easy win.
14.05 GMT - Gronholm vs Coulthard...and Gronholm just leads across the line at midway, but that was thanks to Coulthard completely munging the start. Can the Scot fight back in the second half of the race? And Coulthard does fight back to take the win!
14.10 GMT - Gronholm is really making a has of this. He looks dog slow through the first few turns in his final heat against Schumie, and never looks like catching him. Three out of three for Schumie, who waves to the crowd a good few metres before the finish line. Gronholm out, Schumie through, and Muller and DC now go head-to-head for the final quarter final spot.
14.15 GMT - The final group heat then. Can DC be not crap enough to make it through? It's pretty pretty close. DC makes a bit of a mistake, but just has the lead over the halfway mark. Muller has the disadvantage on the final run, and DC has won! He completes the quarter final lineup, and Muller is out!
14.25 GMT - I think the quarter final line-up is: Button vs Priaulx, Ekstrom vs Kristensen, Vettel vs Coulthard and Schumacher vs Hirvonen. "Oh shhhhhhaaaa," DC grins when told he's facing Vettel, "What chance??" This is knockout stuff now then, one run for each pairing, and the winner advances. Let's get it on!
14.30 GMT - Button vs Priaulx! And Priaulx has stalled his Focus WRC at the start! Button, providing he doesn't stuff his car into the barriers, is going to advance by default. After all the anticipation of the quarter finals, that was somewhat an anti-climax. Button then tries a donut after the finish, and stalls. LOL!
14.32 GMT - Next up then, it's Ekstrom vs Kristensen in the mad-looking "Solution F" prototoye Astra things. Ekstrom looked strong in his group, and has the early advantage here. Ekstrom up by a second at the halfway point, and Kristensen is struggling. Up to the line...and Ekstrom beats Kristensen by a good second and a bit. So it will be Button v Ekstrom in semi-final 1.
14.35 GMT - DC now takes on Vettel, and DC gets away well, and seems to have the lead! But he may have jumped the start according to the commentators. Vettel has recovered to retake the lead anyway at the halfway stage, so any penalty may be irrelevent anyway. DC is fighting back, but Vettel beats Coulthard never mind any jump start moans.
14.40 GMT - We might get Schumie vs Vettel in the semis then, if the German can beat Hirvonen in the last quarter final. They're in the XBows, both have a passenger, and both get away well! Schumie, though, looks really unbeatable here this week, and he's up by half a second at the midway point. It's 2004 all over again! Nothing the rally man can do in the second half of the race, and Schumacher beats Hirvonen! Who can stop this guy?
14.43 GMT - Button vs Ekstrom in Focus WRCs in the first semi-final, and Ekstrom, winner in 2006 and 2007, is rinsing this at the moment, well clear at the halfway stage. Only some sort of error from the Swede will let the F1 champ through here, and Ekstrom is if anything pulling away even more. Into the final turn, and Button has closed a bit, but Ekstrom beats Button to take his place in the final. Second semi-final to come, and it's an all-German affair. The old Schumie vs the new Schumie.
14.45 GMT - This could be a cracker then. Racing in XBows, and Schumie on the faster outside line first off, and leads into the first turn, and looks smooth through the first part of the lap, up to the line at the halfway point and it's almost neck-and-neck! A tenth between them! Can Vettel find a bit extra on the rest of the course? Schumie is further ahead, but he's in the tight infield bit for the final part of the course! OH! VETTEL CRASHES! Schumacher beats Vettel!
14.50 GMT - This is it then. This is the final of the Race of Champions. It's almost a bit exciting. Vettel just got a wriggle on, whacked the barrier and knackered the front of the car, then went straight on at the next corner. Credit to the guy, he entertains the crowd with a comedic throwing his gloves off in frustration routine. "The old guy did it again," Vettel grins back in parc ferme.
Final Heat #1 - In the ROC buggies, and Ekstrom gets a slightly better start. Schumie still keeping it smooth though, and this is going to be very close. Up to the line at halfway, and Schumie is four tenths up! Can the two-time ROC champ fight back? He looks a bit closer next time by, Schumacher onto the tight infield section for the final tour, and Ekstrom has the advantage into the final turn! Schumie can't close the gap, and Ekstrom wins heat one! Ekstrom 1 - 0 Schumacher.
Final Heat #2 - The XBows will be used in this second heat. A car that should possibly favour Schumacher a bit. But Ekstrom is quick in this as well. Here we goooo! Ekstrom away fast, Schumacher on the twisty infield, but looking neat and tidy. Ekstrom leads, but now he's on the twisty infield. Up to the midpoint, and it's....Ekstrom in the lead by half a second! Can the seven-time F1 champ fight back, or will Ekstrom get his third ROC win? Ekstrom's extending the lead now, only a mistake can save Schumacher now, surely? Up to the final turn, Schumie dives for the line, but EKSTROM WINS! EKSTROM IS THE 2009 CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS!
15.05 GMT - Schumie congratulates the champ. Ekstrom calls his win "really extremely nice", which is, erm, really extremely nice of him. And then he gives Schumacher a piggyback. Schumie says "there's no reason to be disappointed" about losing. So he may be the most successful F1 driver of all time, but he's bobbins at driving a knackered KTM XBow around a stadium compared to a DTM driver.
Epilogue - So, Ekstrom takes the plaudits and the trophy, with Schumacher beaten. Ekstrom lifts the shiny trophy, and brings the curtain down on the ROC entertainment, and indeed on Patty's 2009 live coverage. Hope you've enjoyed reading our prattling throughout the season, and out live stuff will return in some way, shape or form for the 2010 Bahrain Grand Prix next March. In the meantime, we'll sort out our F1 season review stuff and have plenty of other stuff going on over the lonely motorsport winter. So don't be a stranger, you hear? For now though, and for one last time in 2009: Cheerio!
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