Your motorsport cup overfloweth this weekend, with two of the Triple Crown of Motorsport races happening on the same day. While the F1 gang are fighting it out around the streets of Monaco, America's finest will be winging their way around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway for the Indy 500. And Patronise will be covering the race in it's entirety, for it's numerous sins. In celebration of that fact, here's a thorough preview of all the ins and outs of one of the world's most prestigious motorsport events.
The self-titled "Greatest Spectacle in Racing", in it's traditional spot right at the end of the month of May, is the sort of overblown piece of sporting theatre that makes watching it so worthwhile, even if you hate the sport. Just like the Superbowl, it is a strange slice of Americana. On Sunday, Memorial Day in America, 400,000 people (ish) will flood into the Indianapolis Motor Speedway to watch 30 men and 3 women drive around in circles for 200 laps in an effort to win the coveted, if silly-sounding, Borg-Warner Trophy. It may all be very exciting.
This year is the 93rd running of "The 500", and it also marks the centenary year of the Brickyard itself, which should all add a bit of extra lucre to the drivers aiming to be the one who ends up drinking the traditional glass of milk in Victory Lane once the checkered flag flies. It promises to be a very hard-fought battle this year.
The Grid
Row 1
Pole - Helio Castroneves (Bra) - #3 Penske Racing
2nd - Ryan Briscoe (Aus) - #6 Penske Racing
3rd - Dario Franchitti (Gbr) - #10 Chip Ganassi Racing
Castroneves, fresh from a stint in court on charges of some creative accounting, helped forget all that nastiness by taking his third Indy 500 pole position and heading a Penske Racing 1-2 to boot, with Antipodean team mate Briscoe lining up alongside him. Both Penske men start as favourites for the race win, especially the pole man, who will be looking for his first win at Indy since 2002. Fellow front-row man Dario Franchitti will also be a major contender, having won at the Brickyard before in 2007, and he has made a hugely competitive return to the Indycar series after his dreadfully poor 2008 segue into the NASCAR series.
Row 2
4th - Graham Rahal (Usa) - #02 Newman/Haas/Lanigan Racing
5th - Scott Dixon (Nzl) - #9 Chip Ganassi Racing
6th - Tony Kanaan (Bra) - #11 Andretti Green Racing
As in F1, Indycar is a sucker for a famous surname, but Graham Rahal, son of 1986 Indy 500 winner Bobby, has impressed since joining the Indycar series after an inconsistent start in Champ Car, proving that his place on the grid is perhaps down to more than just his name. Scott Dixon, the reigning series champion and winner of last year's Indy race, has also dominated the only oval event so far this year, and will be looking to become the first back-to-back winner here since Castroneves in 2001-02. Meanwhile, 6th placed Tony Kanaan is the best-placed of the Andretti Green cars, with the team putting in an unusually lacklustre qualifying effort.The Brazilian, who is yet to win a 500, can't be counted out of the reckoning on Sunday though.
Row 3
7th - Mario Moraes (Bra) - #5 KV Racing
8th - Marco Andretti (Usa) - #26 Andretti Green Racing
9th - Will Power (Aus) - #12 Penske Racing
Moraes was the surprise performer in qualifying, lumping his car onto the third row for former Champ Car team KV Racing. Whether he can sustain that sort of placing for 500 miles remains to be seen, but the answer is probably not. Second of the famous surname bunch, the 22-going-on-12 Marco Andretti has the not inconsiderable pressure of emulating his grandfather Mario by winning here, though his 2nd place in 2006 already matched the best his father Michael managed. Meanwhile the brilliantly-named Will Power is effectively driving for his season, with the third Penske car he has been plonked into following Castroneves's return only scheduled to compete in this race for the rest of the year.
Row 4
10th - Danica Patrick (Usa) - #7 Andretti Green Racing
11th - Alex Lloyd (Gbr) - #99 Sam Schmidt Motorsports
12th - Raphael Matos (Bra) - #2 Luzco-Dragon Racing
The eyes of millions of pubescent onanists will be on P10 on the grid this Sunday, as one-woman publicity circus Danica Patrick takes her 5th 500 start. Her best finish of 4th in 2005, as well as her first win at Motegi last year, were both derided as being thanks to a fiddled engine from Honda, and whether you believe there is any truth in that is directly proportional to how cynically you look at Indycar's hyper-aggressive marketing of their most famous commodity. Alongside her, Lloyd is a highly-rated British driver, on the books of Chip Ganassi Racing but run in his sole 2009 outing by the Sam Schmidt team. A strong run here may quicken the time it takes for him to get a full-time Ganassi drive of his own. Matos, meanwhile, is the top-placed rookie after qualifying. And, erm, that's about all we have to say about him.
Row 5
13th - Paul Tracy (Can) - #15 KV Racing
14th - Vitor Meira (Bra) - #14 AJ Foyt Enterprises
15th - Justin Wilson (Gbr) - #18 Dale Coyne Racing
The return of Paul Tracy to the scene of the controversy of the 2002 race will be a big talking point. Despite having been away from oval racing for many a year, the portly Canadian excelled in qualifying, though hopes of a fairytale revenge victory may well be a bridge too far. Meira and Wilson represent two quality performers who were unceremoniously dumped at the end of last season by big teams. Both are now performing manfully in underfunded and uncompetitive teams, and should be in the mix for a top ten finish.
Row 6
16th - Hideki Mutoh (Jpn) - #27 Andretti Green Racing
17th - Ed Carpenter (Usa) - #20 Vision Racing
18th - Dan Wheldon (Gbr) = #4 Panther Racing
Mutoh is the last of the Andretti cars on the grid, and has failed to match his team mates performances over the last year or so. The nepotistic sight of series owner Tony George's stepson Carpenter driving for George's own team is somewhat dubious, but he is slowly improving as a driver, and will be looking for a top ten finish. Meanwhile, former Brickyard winner Wheldon was understandably disappointed with his lowly grid slot in a team that usually mixes it with the big boys. He'll need the drive of his life to snatch an unlikely second win this year.
Row 7
19th - AJ Foyt IV (Usa) - #41 AJ Foyt Enterprises
20th - Scott Sharp (Usa) - #16 Panther Racing
21st - Sarah Fisher (Usa) - #67 Sarah Fisher Racing
An all-American row seven, with Foyt IV continuing to prove the law of diminishing returns in the field of motorsport greats and their offspring. Alongside Mr IV, Scott Sharp returns to Indycar for a one-off drive, but limited practice time will hinder his efforts. Finally, Sarah Fisher runs a self-owned car in her 8th Indy 500, as she continues to struggle against the prejudice and problems faced by any woman trying to prove herself in motorsport when they don't agree to spread themselves across a thousand and one swimsuit photo shoots.
Row 8
22nd - Davey Hamilton (Usa) - #44 Dreyer & Reinbold Racing
23rd - Robert Doornbos (Usa) - #06 Newman/Haas/Lanigan Racing
24th - Townsend Bell (Usa) - #8 Team 3G
Davey Hamilton was a big thing in the early days of the Indy Racing League, back when the series had no real money, talent or decent teams, and he returns for another 500 in a one-off drive, though looks set to struggle. Former Minardi man Doornbos faces a struggle in his rookie Indy race after a poor qualifying run, while Townsend Bell was looked on as the next great hope for American open wheel racing back when Scott Speed was in pre-school, but has managed to accomplish precisely 0.3% of his expectations to date.
Row 9
25th - Oriol Servia (Spa) - #17 Rahal Letterman Racing
26th - Tomas Scheckter (Rsa) - #19 Dale Coyne Racing
27th - Mike Conway (Gbr) - #24 Dreyer & Reinbold Racing
Servia is a well-respected journeyman in American open-wheeled circles, who has never really been given the chance that his abilities seem to deserve. A one-off drive at Indy with former Indycar mainstays Rahal Letterman continues that theme, and he looks set to struggle to make an impact. Scheckter is another of the famous relatives on the 2009 grid, after getting a last-minute deal together to partner Justin Wilson at Dale Coyne. His grid position reflects the practice time he has had more than anything else. Former Honda test driver Conway continues his difficult learning season with a lowly start for his debut 500.
Row 10
28th - John Andretti (Usa) - #43 Richard Petty Motorsports
29th - EJ Viso (Ven) - #13 HVM Racing
30th - Milka Duno (Ven) - #23 Dreyer & Reinbold Racing
Despite being another relative of Mario, John Andretti has always struggled at Indy, though if he sticks around to the end, may well be able to secure a decent finish. Viso and Duno are two combative Venezuelans, who have made more of an impression on other competitors than the championship since entering the series. Duno nearly caused the catfight that every whooping Indy fan had been waiting for at Mid Ohio in 2008, being confronted by Danica Patrick in her garage after blocking her in practice. After a bout of towel throwing, it all calmed down, but not before Patrick aimed a "it's not my fault you're slow" barb in her fellow lady racer's direction.
Row 11
31st - Nelson Philippe (Fra) - #00 HVM Racing
32nd - Ryan Hunter-Reay (Usa) - #21 Vision Racing
33rd - Alex Tagliani (Can) - #36 Conquest Racing
Three former Champ Car racers on the back row, all hugely talented, but now struggling to prove themselves. Philippe is here for a one off drive in the #00 car famously campaigned by Dick Dastardly in the late 1960s, Hunter-Reay has been mentioned in the same breath as a USF1 drive for next year, while Alex Tagliani actually failed to qualify, having been knocked out on Bump Day. But he gets a reprieve and takes over Bruno Junqueira's car for the race, in a truly odd display of team orders.
Track Facts
Indianapolis Motor Speedway, Indiana.
Number of Laps: 200
Circuit Length: 2.500 miles (4.023km)
Race distance: 500 miles (800km)
Lap Record: 37.895s (Arie Luyendyk - 1996)
2008 Pole: Scott Dixon (Chip Ganassi Racing)
2008 Winner: Scott Dixon (Chip Ganassi Racing)
Timetable
Sunday 24th May
Race: 13.00 (Local Time) / 18.00 (BST)
On Patronise
As part of Patronise's Super Bumper Racing Sunday(TM), which will of course also feature the thrills of the Monaco Grand Prix, a full, frank, and probably woefully rubbish text commentary will be here to talk you through all the goings on from the Brickyard as they happen. It promises to be even worse than our usual efforts.
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