Prologue - The Race of Champions is, ostensibly, an event designed to find the best driver in the whole of motorsport, as F1 drivers, rally stars, touring cars racers and the rest all battle it out in equal machinery around a challenging track layout for the right to be crowned king of all of motorsport.
But if that is what this is, then for F1 fans, it is a slightly humbling event. The self-styled pinnacle of motorsports has never had a RoC champion (Heikki Kovalainen won in 2004, but that was prior to his F1 career), and in reality, it has been rally drivers and DTM men who tend to prove themselves to be the best of the best.
Will that change today? Will an F1 driver be crowned the RoC champion at the Esprit Arena? Well, Michael Schumacher, Jenson Button and in particular Sebastian Vettel all looked in fine form in the Nations Cup yesterday. This could be F1's year to finally lord it over the rest of motorsport. Or, of course, it could not.
Our groups - For today are as follows:
Group A - Filipe Alberquerque, Andy Priaulx, David Coulthard, Travis Pastrana.
Group B - Mattias Ekstrom, Martin Tomczyk, Jan Kopecky, Sebastien Ogier.
Group C - Michael Schumacher, Jenson Button, Brian Deegan, Juho Hanninen.
Group D - Sebastian Vettel, Tom Kristensen, Vitaly Petrov, Romain Grosjean.
The 'group of death' might just be Group C. You'd expect Schumie and Button to have that one, but Hanninen was one of the stars of yesterday's Nations Cup, and could just spring an upset.
Hmm - In Dusseldorf right now, we have what I guess is the Race of Champions song, an alarming piece of Europoppy techno music, being played while some slightly under-dressed cheerleaders perform a routine that looks like it might have been choreographed in three minutes over breakfast this morning.
As for - An outside bet, you'd do well to look no further than the two main rally drivers, Sebastien Ogier and Juho Hanninen. We also have two former RoC winners in the field. Mattias Ekstrom has won three times already, and must be one of the favourites, and Filip Alberqueque, who won in 2010 and will kick off Group A in a second in a heat against Travis Pastrana.
Alberquerque v Pastrana - Off we go, in the Audi R8s. Pastrana takes the lead at 1/4 distance, but then he now switches to the longer lane. Oh, but Alberquerque has a problem! His Audi has broken down, and Pastrana will win this heat, though he gets stuck behind Alberquerque on his way to the flag, in a slightly farcical manner. So chalk up one win for Pastrana.
Next up - From Group B, Seb Ogier vs Mattias Ekstrom. Could be close this.
Ogier v Ekstrom - In the VW Sciroccos, Ogier gets the better start, and is 0.5s up at midway. Ekstrom is not giving up though, and will fight back, but Ogier gets the power down off the last corner. Win to Ogier.
Priaulx v Coulthard - Priaulx away quicker from the inside lane, and then he's given an extra advantage when DC has a little sideways moment midway round the first lap. Priaulx comfortably up midway through, and keeps it neat and tidy through the rest of the race to take the win. Win for Priaulx.
Next up - DTM driver Martin Tomczyk versus IRC driver Jan Kopecky. This is fun.
Kopecky v Tomczyk - Neat enough start from both drivers, with these two back in the Sciroccos as with the first heat in Gp B. Midway through, and it's a 0.4 second lead for Tomczyk. Can Kopecky fight back? Erm, no. Tomczyk wins.
We'll - Be finishing off Gp A and B before moving on to the rest. DC vs Alberquerque next up in Gp A, then Kopecky vs Ekstrom in Gp B.
Coulthard v Alberquerque - In the Skoda rally cars. Whoever loses this will be out of the competition, given that they both lost in their first heats. DC gets a slowish start, but he's keeping with the Portuguese driver through the rest of the first lap. DC leads by 0.12s at midway! This will be very close indeed, no mistakes from either driver and...DC takes it. Win for Coulthard.
Oh dear - That means that with two losses, Alberquerque is already out of the competition. Worst title defence ever.
Kopecky v Ekstrom - Back in the Audi R8s for this one. This is also effectively a knockout heat. Ekstrom gets a good start, but looks like he might have been creeping at the start. Hmm. At midway, he's got a 2.7 second lead, and Kopecky is about to be eliminated unless Ekstrom crashes. He doesn't, and he takes the flag. Win for Ekstrom.
One - Driver eliminated in each group already then, next up we'll have Pastrana v Priaulx in Gp A and Ogier v Tomczyk in Gp B. Winners of each of these heats will definitely be into the quarter finals.
Pastrana v Priaulx - Pastrana lights up the wheels in his Skoda as this one gets going. And he went too early! He gets called for a jump start and will get a five second penalty added to his time. So although the race continues, Priaulx will win this one easily and that means he is through to the quarter finals. Win for Priaulx.
Ogier v Tomczyk - Back in the Audi R8s, which might be an advantage for track racer Tomczyk. Even enough start, and coming up to halfway the gap is 0.6s with Ogier in the lead. Tomczyk nearly grazes the wall a couple of times as he tries to claw the gap back, but he can't quite do it. Win to Ogier.
Final pairings - Coming up in these two groups. The big tussles are essentially between Pastrana/Coulthard and Tomczyk/Ekstrom for the runner up spots in the groups and the spot in the quarter finals.
Pastrana v Coulthard - In the X-Bows, passengers onboard. Even stevens getaway, but DC is definitely pushing hard, and leads by over 2.2 seconds at midway. Pastrana getting too sideways too often, and he's got no real chance of catching back. And DC will make it into the quarter finals! Huzzah! Win to Coulthard.
Next up - Kopecky vs Ogier in the Skodas. This is basically a dead rubber, with Ogier already through and Kopecky out.
Ogier v Kopecky - Well, it's just as well that one was a dead rubber, because I saw precisely none of it, as Patty HQ's shambolic internet supply decided to give up the ghost on me. Still, I can glean from the now-functional live timing that it was a win for Kopecky.
Priaulx v Alberquerque - Slightly meaningless race, and Priaulx takes it. Internet still broken for that one too, sorry.
Tomcyk v Ekstrom - A DTM vs DTM race for a place in the quarter finals. In the Skoda rally cars. Tomcyk gets the better start, and by halfway, he has a minor lead, 0.5s. Ekstrom, three-time RoC champon, is under pressure here. Can he claw it back? It's going to be pretty close, oh actually it isn't. Win for Tomczyk. Ekstrom is out.
Coming up - Groups C and D. Schumie! Button! Vettel! Grosj...eerm, Schumie!
So - The first two quarter finals then will be Ogier v Priaulx and Coulthard v Tomczyk. Our next two heats will be Button v Hanninen in Gp C and Vettel v Grosjean in Gp D.
Button v Hanninen - Could be a close one this, Hanninen is the dark horse in the group of death, but Button is up at halfway, and then Hanninen makes a little error. This will be easy for the F1 man. Win for Button.
Vettel v Grosjean - In the mental-sounding World Touring Racecars. Grosjean gets the better getaway, but can he fend off the F1 champion? Vettel already looks up at 1/4 distance, and at halfway Vettel is up by 1.2s. Surely too much for Grosjean to make up? Yes. Very easy for the German. Win for Vettel.
Next up - Schumacher v Deegan, and Petrov v Kristensen. Tee Kay could be another dark horse for the overall win today, he only lost once throughout the Nations Cup yesterday, and that was in the final.
Schumacher v Deegan - Off they go. Schumie a big favourite for this one in the X-Box. Schumie already alongside at 1/4 distance despite doing the longer half of the track, and Deegan has a five second penalty. Oh, and NOW he's spun it. So with all that fail from Deegan, this will be as easy as possible for Schumie, as Deegan spins again right at the end, dearie me. Win for Schumacher.
Petrov v Kristensen - In the World Touring Racecars, which really do sound incredible. Petrov gets a great start, so early advantage to the Russian. Tee Kay just dabs the wall towards the end of the first lap, but he holds the lead at halfway! Petrov tries to fight back, but the eight-time Le Mans winner is off and running with a very easy win. Win for Kristensen.
Next to come - Button v Three Spins Deegan and Petrov v Vettel.
Button v Deegan - Into the ROC Buggy for this one. Vettel made this thing dance yesterday, but Button was pretty handy in them as well, and he gets a cracking start. Button already well up at halfway, with Deegan maybe just concentrating on actually finishing this one after his DNF against Schumie. Lovely control from Button, and he crosses the line well clear of the American. Win for Button. And that means he is certain to make the 1/4 finals.
Vettel v Petrov - Can the world champion join Button in the quarter finals? He's in the X-Bow for this one, which he didn't much like yesterday. Close enough off the line, now can Petrov pull off a huge upset and keep himself in the running for a place in the knockouts? Midway points and it's Vettel by 0.44s. Vettel's looking comfortable though, and he crosses the line 0.9s up. Win for Vettel. And a place in the quarters.
And - We'll have Schumie vs Hanninen and Kristensen vs Grosjean in a moment. If Schumie and Tee Kay win, they will join Button and Vettel in the quarters, and render the final round of heats rather meaningless.
Schumacher v Hanninen - In the ROC buggies. Hanninen leaps off the line, squirming into the first turn. The Finn gets a bit sideways midway round the first lap. And Schumie is up by 0.8s at midway. Huge challenge for Hanninen to pull this back and keep his hopes alive, but he can't do it. Win for Schumacher. He goes into the quarters, Hanninen is out along with Deegan.
Kristensen v Grosjean - Slightly tardy getaway from both drivers, but Kristensen wags the tail and takes the lead at 1/4 distance. Then Grosjean makes a bit of an error, but he's only 0.14s down at midway! This could be very close. Kristensen up at 3/4 distance, but Grosjean has a short run to the line, TK slides wide at the final corner! And Grosjean takes it! Win for Grosjean.
That - Has blown Gp D wide open, and Tee Kay has to race Vettel in his final heat, while Grosjean is against Petrov. And that also means that Vettel is not 100% sure of being in the 1/4 finals, if Tee Kay and Grosjean win, there will be three drivers tied on two wins, and it will go down to fastest times in the heats to sort it all out.
Next up - We have a dead rubber from Gp C, as Deegan takes on Hanninen for the right not to finish last, followed by Petrov v Grosjean in Gp D. A win for Grosjean would make him favourite to go through, and a win for Petrov would keep his minute hopes of a 1/4 final place alive. If he wins and Vettel wins, then the other three drivers will be tied on a win each.
Hanninen v Deegan - In the grunting Touring Racecars. Even start, though Deegan might have a slight advantage. Oh, he has too much of an advantage, and gets a five second penalty for jumping the start once again. Hanninen is leading anyway, but he'll take an easy win no matter what thanks to that penalty. Win for Hanninen.
Grosjean v Petrov - In the little Skoda rally cars. From the ridiculous to the sublime. Can Grosjean beat his Renault F1 team mate? Petrov gets a better start, but can he maintain that? Grosjean clips a kerb and gets up on two wheels! But he still has the lead at halfway! Blimey. Can the Frenchman hold the lea? Yes! Win for Grosjean. So Kristensen must beat Vettel to set up a three-way tie for the top of Gp D.
Ok - Final two heats of the group stages to come. First up, Button v Schumacher for the right to top Gp C and hence face the runner up in Gp D in the quarter finals. Then Vettel v Kristensen, in what is now an uncomfortable nailbiter for the 2011 F1 champion.Schumacher v Button - Schumie gets a better start, in the mental World Touring Racecars, and leads at 1/4 distance as he heads to the longer, tighter half of the track. At midway, Schumacher has the lead by 0.9s. Button will aim to drag this back over the second lap, but the cheer from the crowd tells you that he's failed. Win for Schumacher.
The decider - Then. Vettel is not quite safe, and Kristensen needs to somehow beat Vettel, and better his best time so far to ensure he progresses. They're in the Skoda Fabias, by the way.
Vettel v Kristensen - Vettel with the better start, but Tee Kay is a picture of concentration in the car. Up to the midway point, and it is TK by 0.07s! This is going to be so close. Vettel in real trouble. TK still looking good at 3/4 distance...up to the final corner...KRISTENSEN WINS! It's going to go to countback...
Vettel is through - Both TK and Vettel have set better times in heats than Grosjean, so the Frenchman drops out. Horrible luck for the Frenchman, but Vettel will now face Schumacher in the quarter finals! Blimey.
Quarter Finals - Some sensational matchups here: Ogier v Priaulx, Tomczyk v Coulthard, Schumacher v Vettel and Button v Kristensen. Is your mouth watering?
First up - Will be BMW GT starlet Priaulx, who came through the groups upbeaten, and WRC man Sebastien Ogier. In the VW Scirrocos.
Priaulx v Ogier - Away as close as you like. Priaulx has a little slide, and Ogier leads at 1/4 distance, but then has the longer half a lap to do. Ogier leads by 0.65s at midway. Priaulx needs to fight back, Ogier still leading at 3/4 distance, up to the line and...Ogier takes it, quite comfortably in the end. Ogier into the semi finals.
Coulthard v Tomczyk - Poor start from DC, and he's on the back foot aready against the DTM champion. Through to the midway point and Tomczyk does have the lead, but only by fractions. Not much for DC to claw back, can he do it? Up to the line, so so close, and...Tomczyk takes it! DC just made a slight error at the end, and Tomczyk makes the semi finals.
Next up - The big one. Schumie vs Vettel. Germany clenches as one. They're in Vettel's favourite, the ROC Buggy.
Schumacher v Vettel - Schumie makes an awful start! He's shot himself in the foot at the very start, and then makes a sideways error on the first lap as well. But Schumie is clawing it back, and leads at halfway by 0.4s! The old stager versus the young charger, and AN ERROR FROM VETTEL! Schumie leads by miles, and SCHUMACHER TAKES IT! VETTEL IS OUT!
One - Final 1/4 final to come, Button agains Kristensen in the KTM X-Bows. Winner plays Schumacher for a shot at the final.
Button v Kristensen - Two top starts, and this might well be a very close heat. Kristensen looks to be easing into Button's lead from the shorter first half a lap, and he leads by 0.85s at the end of the first lap. Is there anything that Button can do over the second half of the race? Kristensen is ragged on his second lap. Into the final corner, and TEE KAY TAKES IT! All three Brits fall at the quarter final stage. It's *insert any football tournament from the last 30 years* all over again!
Semis then - A F1 driver, a DTM driver, a sportscar driver and a rally driver. It's perfectly set up. Ogier v Tomczyk first, then Schumacher v Kristensen. We could still have an all-German final for the Dusseldorf crowd to cheer. The Audi R8s will be used in semi final number one.
Ogier v Tomczyk - Tomczyk gets the better start, but then makes a slight error as he goes over the crossover bridge for the first time. Up to midway and Ogier has the lead by 0.7s. Should be enough if he keeps it together, but the crowd are willing the German on. Tidy from Ogier through the final half of the second lap, and OGIER WINS! He'll be into the final, flying the WRC flag.
If - The F1 boys are to end their winless run in the RoC, it will be Schumie to do it. He's up against Kristensen in the KTM X-Bows.
Schumacher v Kristensen - Very even start from both drivers, but Schumie looks to have a minor advantage at 1/4 distance. Up to the halfway point and Schumie leads by 0.28s! This is going to go all the way to the flag. Schumie still looking good, up to the line, Germany expects, but TK gets the drive out the last corner...AND KRISTENSEN WINS! By 0.017s! The F1 dream dies, and the 2011 Race of Champions final will be between Kristensen and Ogier.
The Final - Will be over a best of three set of heats. The first heat will be in the RoC Buggy, and Ogier will be hoping the Skoda rally cars are broken out at some point. Here we go, the end of the 2011 motorsport season is upon us.
Ogier v Kristensen Heat I - Brilliant start from Tee Kay, but Ogier immediately hits back, and the rally man appears to be keeping pace through the first 1/4 of the race. Up to midway, and Ogier leads by 0.9s! This is a lot for the Le Mans legend to pull back, and he makes a mistake onto the bridge as well. Ogier crusies through the final half of the second lap and takes a comfortable win. Ogier 1 - 0 Kristensen.
Heat two - Will be in the big grunting Audi R8s. Could that be an advantage for Kristensen and his sportscar experience? He'd better hope so. If we get a decider, by the by, it will be in the Skoda Fabia rally car. Ogier is a huge favourite now, whatever happens.
Ogier v Kristensen Heat II - Ogier gets the better start in the Audis. And he's already up at 1/4 distance. Big pressure on Tee Kay now, and he's already 1.5s down at the midway point. Realistically, only an error from Ogier will see him lose this. He's neat, he's tidy, and he's the RoC CHAMPION! OGIER WINS! 2-0!
SEBASTIEN OGIER WINS THE 2011 RACE OF CHAMPIONS!
Ogier - Celebrates with some outlandish donuts in front of a crowd that has become largely subdued since all the Germans dropped out of the running. He jumps out of the car, onto the roof of the car, and the Esprit Arena crowd applauds politely.
Ogier says - "I'm so happy. It was a very nice weekend, I had a lot of fun. I hope the crowd enjoyed it. And we won this race, so it is amazing, especially against Kristensen, he's a very good driver. Thank you everyone, and see you next year."
Epilogue - So, Sebastien Ogier becomes the first WRC winner of the Race of Champions since Sebastien Loeb's win in 2008 at Wembley, and rallying triumphs over sportscars, F1 and the rest of the motorsport fraternity. And didn't he do well.
And that is that for Patty's live rambling in 2011, the curtain has been drawn down on this season, and we now need to sit, shivering, in a corner until next March, when everything will kick off all over again. Patty will be with you throughout 2012 with our usual coverage of F1, and various other events throughout the year, and keep checking back here over the winter as we get our F1 season review up and also cover all the pre-season fun from January onwards.
Thanks for reading today, and throughout the season, and I hope we'll see you back here for 2012. Cheerio!
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